Greatest movies off all time: Part 1

First off, let me say that this has nothing to do with "real movies" that people vote on. These are solely my personal, great movie flicks. I know what you're saying "Jon, aren't you one of the founders of the famous bad-movie-night, where you watched horrible movies for kicks"? Yes. But bad movies are good for other reasons, and I will go into this later. These are just all around dope movies that I could watch over-and-over-and-over-and-over. Do I care if you agree? Heck no! My movies are dope, so why don't you go watch Schindler's List or Bravehart you flick nerd, while I get busy with some classics.......

The first movie is Gleaming the Cube. C'mone, look at the cover of this movie!!! "He only cared about gleaming the cube--until they killed his brother." The movies is about Christian Slater (in his finest role) as a punk skateboarder who is all about having a good time with his buds (and Asian-adopted brother). In a twist of fate, his brother gets killed and Slater is forced into the detective world with his band of skateboarder pals (including Tony Hawk) to solve the mystery. Does a plot get better than this?? NO WAY! The guy uses his skateboard as a weapon in some cases by jumping through a window to knock a guy out! Who needs guns when you got a board??

As you can see, my movie greatness is awesome. I only pick the finest of the fine flicks to discuss. Look for more of mine (and maybe your favorite flicks in the next few posts).



As this was written, a bridge that all of us know, use, and love fell into the Mississippi. I'm not sure how to react to the whole thing. The apathetic side of me is feeling for the people who lost loved ones. The realist side is thinking about how long its going to take to rebuild such a structure and get the city moving again. Whether we know it or not, that bridge was a big part of Minneapolis, and in turn, a large part of us.

I am also on vacation. It is awesome......If I won the powerball, your mom and me would be on vacation forever.

-JB

The less hot sister

It seems to me, that if one sister is really hot, then there must be a sister who is not so great. It's an evolutionary rule of the world that the hotness needs to be balanced somewhere. There are never sisters who are equally hot (or at least none that I have seen). So I offer some instances of this occurrence in our wonderful popular society.
The first is the Duff sisters. As you can see, one got the short end of that stick. To the left, you can see the wonderfully hot Hilary Duff. For whatever reason, in the past few years, her banging level has raised quite a bit. And for instance 2 (down below) we can see her horse-face-of-a-sister, Hailey. We know her best as Summer Wheatly in Napoleon Dynamite. So the best she could do, was the "hot chick" in a wacky small town? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't turn her down for cooking breakfast or playing checkers, but there is a definite imbalance of dopeness between the two of them.

For the next instance, we see the wonderful full house. Cut-it-out! I can't believe I still remember that. Lets look at those Tanner chicks. I don't count the Olson girls, because they were way too young for us to have a legal crush on. So look at DJ --right--.........yeah, kinda hot, in that not-so-cute way. But look at Stephanie Tanner to the left. Booya! Who cares if she is kinda, sorta a meth addict? Well, not during the show. I guess my point has been made. Remember that annoying friend of DJ??......Kimmy, or whatever? That chick was really un-dope....

But what happens when neither sister is hot?? I think both sisters get the ugly gene and they both will forever remain horrible. My case and point? The Wiliams sisters...If a chick
is built more like a man than you, kick her to the curb (if she doesn't kick your ass first). I mean really, who thinks these chicks are hot? If you do, you should get punched in your neck --HARD! It makes me a little ill to look at that picture while I type this......ugghh.

Then there is the last instance of sister-hotness. Its called the switcheroo. Remember that show Step by Step? Yes, that one with super steamy Suzanne Summers and dope Patrick Duffy! The classic double team. Well anyway, there were three sisters: Dana, Karen, and Al. For the most part, Karen was supposed to be the "hot, stuck up one", but she was always kinda homely in my book. So at the start of the show, Danaburger (thanks Cod-man for that classic term), is the hot-older sister, while Al is the tomboy youngest one. But after a few seasons----SNAP!!! Check out Al! She's like a 10, while Dana is a 6 (at best)...The switcheroo my friends...the switcheroo. Its science, the imbalance of hotness of sisters needs to be maintained. Since Al got so smokin', someone had to be on the losing end.....sorry Danameister. And why is this STILL true with these ladies? I don't know, I just know that Al is still way hotter than most chicks.

Speaking of good looking ladies that we remember from our younger days, I would like to bring up Topanga. When that craptastic show started, she was a very un-hot nerd. As the show moved on, she became a dime! I mean, in all the world of TV hotties, she has to be in the top 5 for sure....Hey, that would make a good post later! ---store that one in the memory bank! Wow, she was really hot...Damn you Cory Mathews!!


Not that this has anything to do with Hot/unhot sisters, I just thought that the powerpad and glove were two of the dopest things ever invented.....I used to think the powerglove went beyond the Nintendo and into real life...maybe because of that movie with Fred Savage--The Wizard.

As far as I know, I haven't put up pictures of the new whip, so I will leave you with pictures of the new car and the i-pod bikini.....two things that were meant to be pushed hard....













I don't remember where I found this picture, but this chick doesn't have a sister. Or if she did (due to the balance of hotness we just learned about, would be a hag-old-woman in a haunted house).... peace out yall. ---

















-JB

Maybe you and I shouldn't go out anymore....

For those of you who know about going out, I'm sure you can understand. For those who have no idea what this is....skip to next and don't pass go (Or if you think this is about a person). So for the past few years, I haven't been spending a whole lot of quality time with the city. She seems pissed at me for it too. I have been seeing a lot of her train cousin though. But last night, I thought about a double date. And as movies starring Bruce Willis have shown us, two dates at once is a recipe for disaster. Since all the heads that I used to go out with are either: moved, don't do it anymore, or we don't stay in contact, I tend to keep it solo. So I started on Franklin and Chicago and ended up walking to the river. I got a little bit done, some of which I saw has already been painted over already...I circled around towards Dinkytown and ended up on the tracks. This reminded me of the time Joe Belzey almost got hemmed up on these very stretch of tracks. So I go and do my business and I'm walking back, with no paint anymore, and I see a car driving down the tracks with the lights off. This usually means one of two things: I'm in the middle of a drive by shooting or the cops are comming. From in being in Dinkytown, I can scratch out the drive by. So since theres no place to really run, I hid in the middle of trains and hoped that they would just drive by. They did, and I waited about 20 minutes and started walking out again.

But then I noticed 3 cop cars sitting a few blocks ahead. I decided that hiding was pretty much out of the question unless I wanted to sleep at the yard, so I started back backtracking on the tracks towards dinkytown again, and ended up almost exactly where Joe and me got chased. And sure enough, comming the opposite way now, was a traincop (or dinkytown cop, but not the good ol' mpd). So I ducked down towards the river, which was stupid because there was no real place to go if they came down there. And I still wasn't sure if they were even looking for me, or if I was parinoid. But I get down to the river and look around and there's no place to go. I hear talking at the top of the hill and just assumed it was the cops looking for me. So I did what any idiot would do, and walked across the scaffolding under the bridge crossing the Mississippi to the other side. Great, not only am I afraid of heights, but theres no real walkpath except all these beams. And in the middle of the night, its bad enough to see....

I get to the other side and saw cops at the top of the opposite hill. I ducked the river back to Franklin and pretty much ran what I could back to the car, got home and slept it off. But I kept thinking the whole time "Is this really worth it??????" I mean, the only people that are going to see this are some G's and some 17 year old backpackers. And lets face it, I don't need either one of their daps. Jail time and a hefty fine are in no way things I need right now. So in the famous words of Danny "I'm getting too old for this".....

A penny for your thoughts

How about two million of them?!? Thats about the only way these things will ever amount to anything. Lets face it, they are probably the least used thing in the world (well, that and Steve Dahls razor). Who thought that these small copper coins were a good idea? If I ever catch that person, I'll stab them in the face, or make them eat coffee ice cream (because thats horrible too). The only pleasure I get from pennies is throwing them on the street and watching hobos chase after them. I also like to save them and buy things with them. Next time you're planning on buying books for school, go to the bank and get $100 in pennies. Then go to the bookstore and purchase your text with those! hahahaha. They legally can't refuse to take it, but it will be hilarious!!! trust me........

Speaking of worthless, summer courses are almost over-3 days to go. Then its on like Donky Kong!! I actually have a list of things I need to get done this summer. One of them is to no be dissapointed from the Uptown Art fair, but fat chance on that. I also need to jack some old folks for some dough. Streets is rough homey. I also need to get to Duluth and do some relaxing. Well, hey, at least its sunny and nice today. I could use a nap.......

-JB

Do you ever miss....

Cool things? I've come to notice that things these days are lame. Why was growing up in the 80's WAY better than growing up now? Lets look at a few of these wonderful things we had blessing our views as tiny tots::

Holy crap! Check out Punky Brewster now!!!


That chick got hot. Anyway, as you can see, the times when we were kids were way better than kids now. What the hell is a Wiggle? or Hanna Montana?? That stuff is lame. If you have a kid and you make them watch that junk, you should be punched in the neck for sure! Re-introduce them to some of the things that made us so cool! But don't give them a snap bracelet, those things cut wrists and that is just for boring emo-kids. Do you remember dinosaurs? The tv show, not the real thing. Noone misses the real thing because they ate cavemen! I'm glad the cavemen killed them in the great war of 1690 (thanks history channel). Anyway, I was just remembering how boring that show was. Not the mama!! If I could go back in time, I would have made some scrambled eggs with that kid. Well, thats about it. If I had more time, I would have made this topic longer and better. Trust me, I will be back on this subject in the future. Also, they are planning to re-make Ferris Beullers day off and/or the Breakfast Club! Some things should be left alone!!! Those shows fall in the "Do not touch" folder for real!

-JB

This is the future.

So in case you have not noticed, the 2007 NBA draft is done and over (thank god). And it appears that this gem right here is the future of the Timberwolves franchise. His name is Corey Brewer. I would be willing to bet that spelling his own name takes most, if not all, of his attention. I was watching his press meeting after the draft, and I thought (in all honesty) that he was a special ed kid. I thought someone was doing a make a wish, but no, this guy is the real deal for our Minnesota Timberwolves. My favorite thing he said was "Me and KG got the same cell phone." What?? Of all the things you could say about playing professional basketball with one of the best players ever, is that you have the same cell phone!!??!! All this guy did was chuckle to himself and drool a little on his coat. For gods sake, your a pro player, the least you could do was wear your hat straight. I guess we can look to another season of not making the playoffs. On another note, I wonder when the T-Wolves are going to start complaining about getting a new stadium??

Mr. TG himself (Tony Glover..mista lova lova) was in town this past weekend and we got up and did the BBQ thing. It was good seing everyone like Belk and Anna. I gotta try and stay in touch with people more often. I forget how good a times we all had, but this thorn in my side called school and responsiblility keeps bringing me down. I spend way too much time studying and getting grades, and a lot less time being the old school clown I know and love. Hell, I only go out and hit spots like once a month. I used to go out twice a week. But I suppose fines, jail and probation change the way you think about writing. One of the best things ever said to me was by a guy who was in jail for assault and auto theft "You got locked up for painting your name on a building? Thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You mean to tell me you got nothing better to do with your time then spray paint names on places? At least sell drugs or something real." I guess he's got a point. So needless to say I'm getting a little old to be out hitting the streets.

Skud Missles/Add-a-lesson will be back. Mark my words. The renunion tour comming soon. Stay dry you seals, it looks like its going to be a wet day. And also, keep all your fingers this 4th. Look for the G's and hustlers blasting all night long.

Cubs won again last night. I think thats 9 wins in a row. Rock out fellas.

Twincities Greatest.TopGun.TheGreats.TwinGirlies.TwoGoons. Whatever you call it, just call it.

-JB

I was just talking about you....

So it seems that the more I run into people (that I haven't seen in a while), the more I hear the words "I was just talking about you the other day." I'm not sure why it is that everyone has an odd story of me. Either its graffiti related, late night outings, pantless escapades or just a good joke here and there, but everyone I know has one of those stories about me. I suppose its flattering. I really need to get out and make some new stories though.

On another note, I've come to really dig keira knightley. I used to think she was way too skinny to be hot, but when I peeped her in the new Pirates flick, I thought to myself "Wow, she got busy with it." Maybe she'd like to get a malt sometime and talk about movies or something.

And also, our Twins fans are the dopest. Everyone in Minnesota who is down with the Twins, is down HARD! People rock the TC hats, shirts, I even saw a guy with a tattoo. Thats pretty fresh. I bet the San Diego Padres don't have support like that. Big up homies.

Well, thats about it. I've got to get back to homework --I needed a break. So, peace out you knuckleheads.

-JB