Christmas Time of Year

I literally can't wait for June. Literally, I can't wait. Twins season tickets are set up to be SOLID this year. There is going to be a 10 day stretch with 9 home games against the Phillies, Cubs and Brewers. I just hope that Thome, Fielder and maybe Pujols are playing during those games. New seats this year too. Switching from 1st base side to 3rd base side. The view of Downtown is MUCH better. Pretty soon, the Twins will be like the Timberwolves. People will pay to see the other teams players. The only Twins that I actually enjoy watching are Span and Kubel. People always ask "but what about Revere, Cuddyer, Mauer and Morneau"? Mostly because they're overrated. Revere is fun to watch, but isn't going to turn into Torii Hunter anytime soon. And Mauer and Morneau are the most overrated players the Twins have had in a while. I wish they would bring back Lew Ford!

In unrelated news, today is one of my favorite days of the year. It is the day I go and get my christmas tree. The next few weeks leave my house smelling of pine like crazy! And, as tradition, I pump the christmas music up to 10, enjoy some Beaujolais, and decorate the hell out of that tree. I just put the finishing touches on my 2012 christmas mix. And I have to say, I LOVE LOVE LOVE a Charlie Brown Christmas. It reminds me of fond Christmas mornings with my parents. There's such a child-like enjoyment that only this time of year brings out in me. As soon as my wife puts presents under the tree, I pull them out and shake them. She literally has to hide them from me. I feel that my Christmas wish list is getting out of hand though!

I'm so glad Saucy Burts is still rolling downtown. I LOVE the foodtruck trend that has taken over Minneapolis. WSK and Burts are my two favorite. And with the cold weather, almost all of them have packed it up for the year. But not Burts. I literally ran a block and a half yesterday coatless in order to get a tasty meatball sandwich. Just thinking about it makes me hungry and I just ate a massive breakfast.

Come to think of it, I've become something of a food snob the past few years. I guess it has to do with getting older and changing tastes. But places like 5 Guys, Chipotle and Perkins are absolutely terrible to my taste buds! Now, I find myself frequenting Bar La Grassa and Saffron more and more during lunch and dinner events. There's something about experiencing food instead of just eating it because I'm hungry. Now my day to day diet of 5 hardboiled eggs and straight chicken breasts still does exist (hey, gotta load up on protein somehow), but there's something about the perfect texture of gnocchi that makes me melt.

As I'm writing this, I'm trying to find every way possible to NOT go to the gym. It's Saturday, and that means it's legs day. Which leaves me walking like an elderly man tomorrow. So I guess I'll give in and hit the weights for my 90 minutes and maybe soak in an ice bath afterwards. And because it's winter, it's eat, eat, eat season. I went from a steady diet of 3,000 calories, to almost 5,000 calories. I guess muscles don't grow if you don't eat! But needless to say, it leaves me a bit dodgy in the mornings.

Hopefully I'll post something else before the holidays, but if I don't, Happy Christmashanakkwanza!

Oh, and if you get a free minute, go download The Walk by Mayer Hawthorne.

The NBA and other stuff

What's that sound? Oh yeah, the silence of the Target Center. Why? Because even though the NBA is back on, the Center will remain empty as can be. But I might actually drop by to see the phenom Ricky Rubio. We can call him a phenom right? right?

So here are my pre-season predictions. Spurs win it all. Age and experience go a long way. And a shorter season = Tim Duncan holding up. If I'm wrong, it will probably be the Bulls.

In other news, I'm slowly falling in love with a ton of celebrities right now. For one, Mila Kunis. I developed a semi-crush on her during Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And the other crush? Zooey Deschanel. I LOVE the show New Girl. Any girl that is that sweet and breaks out into random song, gets my vote. And I used to REALLY not like Elisha Cuthbert, but WOW. She is wooing me on Happy Endings. I love this season of TV!

Christmas is also coming up. B-T-Dubs: It's my favorite holiday. So thank you in advance for picking me up a present. I could really use a new Macbook Air.

In completely unrelated news, I've got my travel itinerary done for 2012. San Francisco, Denver, Orlando and hopefully a stop in London. I love airplanes.

Need a good tune? Mayer Hawthorn's The Walk is playing on my ipod a lot lately.

I've started writing my next book. And my started, I mean started thinking about a topic. I'm totally at a loss. I'm thinking of some kind of comedy, but also a love story would be good too.

Ok, I've rambled on enough for tonight. I will TRY TRY TRY to do a better job at making coherent posts in the future. Until then. Peace and chicken grease.

-JB

TV killed true love

So I'm getting my oil changed today, and I'm super, super, super bored. I decided to start sending random texts to people. Long story short, I got on the subject of The Wonder Years with Marjorie. And it got me thinking....My childhood TV shows made me fall in love a certain type of woman. Who, in real life, does not exist.

Case and point: Kelly Kapowski. She was probably the first girl I had a TV crush on. I used to actually think a girl like her existed. Cool, sophisticated, big hair, and neon clothes. But take a look around--no where.

Girl 2: Winnie Cooper. The prototypical girl next door. She was such a tease though. Played those mind games with poor Kevin Arnold.

Girl 3. Topanga Lawrence. I actually fell in love with this girl when she was the nerd that Cory Mathews wanted nothing to do with. Then BOOM! She got hot in 1 season! And the rest of the world fell head over heels for her too.

Patti Mayonnaise: One of my first cartoon crushes. Looking back now, she should have given me the creeps, but she didn't.

Dina Alexander (from Salute your Shorts). Hands down, one of my favorite crushes. She was hot before I knew what hot was!

Kelly Brown (Hey Dude!). Again, hot girl on a horse. What's not to love??

Joey Potter. Katie Holmes is one of the most unattractive people on this planet. But during a very odd Junior year of high school, she was the bees knees! I told many lies about how I met "a girl that look JUST like her".

Iesha. Now this girl was just plain fictitious. But ABC made me believe there was an Iesha out there for me.

So the moral of the story is that for many years, I searched far and wide for these archetypes of women. But in the end, they don't exist. And why aren't there these types of women today? All I see on TV, is Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. TV producers need to do a better job at making unattainable women for young males to fawn over.

Night Time is the Right Time

I've always been fascinated with the nighttime. 2am (especially on a week day) has a different feeling to it. It almost feels as though the city itself is sleeping. It might have something to do with the fact that when I was between the ages of 14-26 I spent a lot of my time roaming around in the night doing things that I probably shouldn't have been doing. And the places I was at were even more desolate in the night. Take for instance an abandoned building, a train yard, or a rooftop on the outskirts of downtown Minneapolis. Even in the day, these places are isolated from the wandering public, and the nighttime enhances those characteristics. For the record, I am not counting Hennepin Ave. at bar closing as being part of this nighttime feeling, though it shouldn't be fully excluded. I should really explore this concept more in depth...perhaps a new book based on short stories? Maybe.

I need to get out of here

I actually have a valid excuse for not blogging this time! Kristen and I decided to spend two weeks in Italy. We headed over in October and spent two fantastic weeks between Rome and Tuscany (though most of the time was spent in Tuscany). We're already talking about what to do on our next round over there (hopefully within the next 3 years).

On the plane back home, I didn't sleep much. Instead, I had a deep reflection session with myself. The first question people ask, is "how was your trip", the second is almost always "what was your favorite part"? But how can I ever put those experiences into words? It's impossible for me to verbalize those amazing experiences. How can you describe the smell and ambiance of the Sistine Chapel? Or how the wind sounds at night next to the Colosseum? Or how soft Gelato is? Those experiences are somewhat personal and I don't know if I could ever fully explain it. So my answers are always "The trip was amazing", and "Seeing the Tuscan countryside (and wineries) was probably my favorite".

As I'm typing this, I can't help but think of similiar experiences I've had in my life. The two that jump out at me most, is how the lawn feels under the Eiffel tower at night (especially with a baguette and wine). And how the transition of overly-busy Rio de Janeiro feels when you walk a block to the beach, and suddenly it's peaceful and almost quite.

While on the train to Florence, a lady told me "There's a difference between vacation and travel". And I would almost argue that traveling is better than a vacation.....

And here are some sidenotes:

- Michael Cuddyer will be gone in the offseason. Sorry Twinkie fans. It's my off season prediction

- My Superbowl picks are Green Bay v. Pittsburg.

- Is there anything more tasty than sushi in the afternoon? I don't think there is!

- I went to Pinstripes the other weekend. Wine and bowling? Don't mind if I do!

- I'm on week 14 of my current workout regime. I've noticed a major definition change, but I can't seem to put on weight! My goal was to add 10 pounds of muscle, but so far I'm only up to about 4. Damn this rapid metabolism!

- I need a new arch enemy in my life. Joe Cooper just isn't cutting it in the "nemesis" category.

Well it's Saturday. And for me that means 2 hours at the gym, a HUGE lunch, a nap, and some major fun tonight. Minneapolis streets and random people I will see: I apologize in advance.

Ponderable Thoughts

When the weather starts to cool in Minneapolis, we begin to pull those Fall clothes out of hiding. For me, it was more about looking at those clothes and saying "It's time to retire you". Which led me to my voyage to the Mall of America yesterday. It's funny that people in the Twin Cities rarely frequent the mall, but it is the MUST SEE attraction for out of towners. As I'm strolling through Nordstrom's, arm full of clothes, I had an unshakeable question pop into my head: "Have I sold out"?

I don't know how or why this ponderable question kept coming up. But I had to dig a little deeper into the notion.

By all accounts, I'm actually pretty successful. On my own, I out earn most couples I know. I have a pretty well respected corporate job at one of the most popular companies in the country. But how did I get here? I look at my upbringing, and I was never pegged as an overachiever by my schools. When it came to delinquency, I was just as involved (if not more) than all my friends. I graduated from a public high school in Minneapolis, went to a public college (paid for by only me) and graduated with an education degree. I grew up with the notion that being organic, eclectic and individualized is the way to go.

Most of my friends barely graduated high school. Most never went to college. Most never attained a legitimate "career". So how did I, by all accounts the same as them, end up where I am? Between the ages of 15 - 25, I spend more time riding my bike, illegally hanging out in train yards, and taking every step necessary to not to be a corporate sell out than actually taking the proper steps in life to achieve any social success. But here I stand in Nordstom's with an arm full of suits and over priced sweaters, and not even caring what the price tag is. Maybe it's true: The times are a changin', and I just need to adapt. But truth be told, I would be most happy in a small apartment downtown, working in a coffee shop or record store, and riding my bike or taking the bus everywhere. Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. No matter my place in life, or the price of my pants, there will ALWAYS be a scribe in a pocket somewhere in case I come across a nice clean mirror. I'll never get up in this city the way I used to, but I will always remain known.

In a very unrelated note, I got into a heated discussion with some friends the other day over local music (specifically rap). It seems that people can't understand why I'm not on the whole Minneapolis bandwagon when it comes to hiphop music. But please get one thing straight, I was hanging out with Sess off Dale Street back before most of you knew what local rap was.

The whole discussion came about by seeing an Atmosphere ad for the U's homecoming. Someone asked if I was going to go. I replied that I haven't seen an Atmosphere show since 9th grade, and if my bucket list holds up, I won't have to see another one. They couldn't believe that I wasn't an fan. "Blasphemy" they say.

I have every Headshots tape since the inception (and yes, even Atmosphere records). I didn't buy them when they re-came out, I have the originals. Never question that I don't support the locals. I put more people on the Abstract Pack than anyone I know. But I just can't get behind the recent influx of newer artists, and heck, even some old ones. In the words of Common "If I don't like it, I don't like it/Don't mean that I'm hating". Maybe it's my age, maybe it's my overall taste, but I still can't bring myself to buy a Doomtree song. Maybe one day I'll get the hype, maybe I won't. But until that day, I'll just keep this Soulja Boy on repeat--that last part was a joke. I also don't own any Soulja Boy songs. It's 4:30am and I know where my head is at.

And it's Sunday. And you know what that means? Yes, another Twins loss. Hopefully next year will be different.

Sidenote/rant:

-When did Facebook become real life? I can't even count the amount of times I hear "Well I heard on Facebook....". Facebook is supposed to be an informal way of keeping in touch with people you don't see on the weekly. But some people use it as real life. I mean, they're on there 40 times a day (literally). I log in, at most, once day. Also, people don't care where you are. Stop checking in at your house. Unless you are having a party with some tasty cheese fries, I don't care. And people, stop putting your feelings out there. Those of us in the real world, look at that and think you're the most depressing person on the planet. It's sad. Be a grown up. Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. But don't tell everyone on the planet that you're depressed about spilling coffee on your pants.

People wonder why I don't have 500 friends on FB. It's because I don't know 500 people. Let alone that I don't care what the 387 people I don't know are eating for lunch. If I meet you at a function for only 15 minutes, don't look me up on Facebook. I will not be your "friend". If you want to set up time to go get coffee and talk music/books/sports/whatever-else, that's great, I'll give you my mobile number. But I'm not going to be your FB buddy and look at uploaded pictures of your cat Mr. Mittens, or the batch of Ramen Noodles you just cooked.

JB, doing my part to enlighten the public since 1982.

Dear Summer

I guess Summer isn't technically over, but it might as well be. I feel the swell season of Fall quickly approaching. And it Minnesota, it's one of the most depressing parts of the year. It's like a Sunday night-sure, you're not at work, but you know RIGHT around the corner is pure hell. There are few things I hate more than the freezing cold and snow in January. Normally, I'm so pre-occupied with the Twins and Vikings, that I don't have time to think about the winter. But the Twins are all but done, and the Vikings are setting up to be the worst team in the NFC North. So I literally have nothing better to do than complain about the winter....

Don't mind me, I'm just listening to this DMX record. Get at me dog.

I should really head over to Target field this week and catch one of the last home games before the season is completely over....

I also need to get back to writing this book. I picked it up to begin re-writing it last week, and it is absolutely horrible. The story jumps all over the place! I should really just sit down in a quite place and knock out a few chapters.

Well, I need to head back to my couch and fight this Rhinovirus in some hand-to-hand combat.

Buenos Nachos

I've decided to interject random comparisons into everyday conversations with people. For instance, some people might say "that's the pot calling the kettle black" or "it takes one to know one". But I like mine to be so obtuse yet realistic, that it confuses people.

Like today, someone was complaining about how the Twins are having a poor season. My response: "Sometimes you gotta be the dumps to come out like Apollo Creed". This works two-fold. 1, it's complete B.S. The phrase makes no logical sense whatsoever. 2. It does have some merit. The Twins are currently in the dumps, and Apollo Creed was the boxing champ that pummeled Rocky. So it sortaaaaaa makes sense. In the end, my goal of puzzling my peer was achieved.

So here are some more random thoughts. Happy Tuesday

-Is it just me, or do knees look really creepy when someone is just standing?

-I should start a new trend. Instead of tweeting, let's start faxing one another

-I wonder if Drew is reading this?

-I'm not a fan of The Game, but I've been banging "Ricky" quite a bit today

-Remember, no matter how bad it get's, you're still better off than someone fatter than you

-I can't believe the MN State Fair is upon us. It is the unofficial end of Summer. Like most warm seasons here, it has come and gone much too quick

-I'm hungry. I need some scrambled eggs

-Steve is dead to me. Well, maybe not ALL the way dead. More like a zombie to me

There and Back Again

So for no better reason than "just because", Kristen and I decided to take a trip to Milwaukee and Chicago to watch some baseball. I have to say that Twins fans are a group of dedicated people. As soon as we were about 45 minutes into Wisconsin, almost every car with a Minnesota license plate had a person in it with a Twins jersey (obviously on the same quest as us).

Miller Park: I've never seen tailgating like this. Miller Park puts even Vikings tailgating to shame. There were thousands upon thousands of people partying in the lots, but never had any intention of going into the game. It was great. And the best part, is that many of them were Twins fans!

Chicago was another story. I often forget how big the city is, and how horrible the traffic is around rush hour. Either way, we used the train 95% of the time. One thing that struck me as odd was the lack of hobos that are downtown. If you take a stroll down Nicollet Ave. in Minneapolis, most of the people are homeless. In San Francisco, you step over more hobos than drains! But in Chicago, I only saw a few. Being homeless in Illinois must pay very well......

On a random note, my uncle just became a mayor. Now I can truly say that I am some kind of political liability.

Sidenotes:

-15 years ago, De La Soul put out Stakes is High. To this day, it is one of my favorite albums of all time. It will be on repeat all weekend.

-MLB The Show 11 is way too addicting for my own good.

-Happy 4th. Since it is so nice out, I will be peddling on these Minneapolis streets most of this weekend. Chuck up a deuce when you see me.

Where does time go

Last time we spoke Lebron James was the king of the universe. Now, he's just another loser. It's amazing the things that can happen in a few months! I feel like I should check in here more often. People are always like "Yo Jon B, when you gonna get back up on that blog"? And I'm like "Listen homeless guy I've never met, please leave me be". But that's how life goes sometimes.

I tried to write a book. It failed. I think it's ok, but could use a lot of room for improvement. It started off as a comedy, but turned into something kinda depressing.....

Other than that, I'm planning on some fun trips--Chicago, Milwaukee and Italy (not in one fell swoop). Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away. Minneapolis is great, but there's something about being in a place where no one knows who you are (let alone cares). Places like Des Moines, and Buffalo--you know, foreign destinations.

Funny story though: I used to go to high school with this one guy. Now in high school, this guy was THE man. All the ladies were into him and he was a pretty fresh dude. I got into a fight with him when we were in 4th grade, and I beat him up. I never let him forget that, and he hates me to this day. Anyway, I'm at the Mall of America the other day, and I saw him working at the Select Comfort store selling mattresses. Funny how things like that work out. I thought he'd be a CEO by this time. I had to laugh a little.....

I'll try to be a better blogger--I promise! But I gotta run to bed. It's dark in Minneapolis.

Royal Pains

I tried. I really tried to like the Royal wedding. But when I woke up at 5:30 and somehow hoped to catch a glimpse of actual news, I was bombarded with Royal wedding video. I just want the weather! What is the temperature going to be in Minneapolis today? What is the traffic like? I have no idea! Wowzers. My whole day was thrown off. I wore shorts (it was 42 degrees out) and drove on the most congested freeway in town all because my morning news was hacked by the British.

Oh well. At least the Twins are in 1st place in the weakest division in baseball right? What? They're in 3rd?? We have 2 MVP's! How can we be behind the Indians (minus Rick Vaughn aka Wild Thing) and the Royals (minus Zach Grenke)?? What is this world coming to......

What is wrong with you?

I just had a very in depth conversation with some crazy lady about the smell of cooking bacon. I am under the VERY firm belief that the two best things you smell are fresh popcorn and bacon while it's cooking. This nutty lady was adamant about how bacon is the absolute WORST smell in the world. Mind you, this was a random lady and I don't even know how we got on the topic. Needless to say, I was glad to part ways with such a basket case.

In completely unrelated news, I finally succumbed to peer pressure and bought a new softball glove for this coming season. I'm quite excited about the 3 possible leagues I will be in. Rookie of the year last year, MVP this year.

Also, if you get the chance to eat at Fogo de Chao, go for it. But go for lunch because the dinner is uber expensive.

Until next time.

-JB