Friends: How many of us have them?

Thanks Whodini for that snazzy title. But really, I've been throwing around the idea of gaining a few new friends. But to be my friends isn't as easy as a hello here and there. It's tough work. And the trial and error period of the beginning is horrific at best. I've decided that the jock, prep, nerd, hot chick, ugly-chick (but could be hot if she lost the glasses and ponytail), guy that always says "bro", the thug, ethnic stereotype and fat kid have already been filled on my "friends" chart, I'm still missing a few...But if pop culture has shown us anything, it's that having a druggie friend is funny--with a capital F. So I decided that the three funniest types of druggie friends are:

The Crackhead

The Stoner

The Meth-Head

But which one of these lucky chaps will get to kick it with the Johnny B?? Lets find out. Each is give a rating on a scale of 10. (side note--even as I type this, that methhead guy creeps me out).

Scenario 1: Its Sunday morning, I'm throwing a football party and need some comic relief. I give each of these guys a call up Saturday to tell them about it...Here's what will happen.
Stoner-- (Sunday night) "Whoa, I...uh...forgot. I got really into the new Phish album, and I took a nap. Sorry bro. 2/10

Methhead--This guy doesn't even make it to my house. Before he gets to my door, he steals my exhaust off my car and sells it for scrap metal. 0/10

Crackhead--He comes over, drinks all my mouthwash, acts all jittery (which is hilarious), does an on-the-spot-Michael J Fox impression (I'm going to hell...I know), and while my back is turned, steals my stereo. 5/10.

Advantage-Crackhead (at least the guy made it to the party. And they're awesome to watch in a crowd!

Scenario 2. As all movies have shown, being on a lame date sucks. I call each of these guys to bail me out of this nightmare blinddate. Here is how each responds::

Stoner--(the next day) "Whoa, I...uh...forgot. I got really into this Dave Mathewes album and took a nap. Sorry bro...1/10

Methhead-- The guy shows up to the restaurant to pick me up, but before he makes it in, he steals the exhaust off my car and sells it for scrap metal. This guy is really starting to bother me. 0/10.

Crackhead--He walks into the restaurant, sees us at the table and walks over. Before my "date" can say anything, he offers to suck her off for $10. She was so appalled, she ran out the back door of the place crying. Awesome save! She has no idea he was with me, and I'm off free! nice job crackie. 9/10.

Scenario 3. We're hiking up in the mountains. I fall and sprain my ankle. We need to either get help or set up camp and nurse the wound. Here's what happened.

Stoner-- goes for a "walk" and I never see him again. 0/10
Methhead-- gets super hyper and says that he'll carry me out. He runs for about 40 miles straight, and gets me to a hospital with me on his back. That's quite amazing stuff you're on. 9/10.
Crackhead--starts freaking out from all the noises in the woods and starts digging a hole. After a few hours he's convinced that when he gets to the other side, "Them Chinese will will chopstick it". 4/10.

Scenario 4: we're at camp, and the camp across the lake challenges us to a water sport duel (notice the Meatballs 4 theme?).

Stoner--convinces all the kids from the other camp to get high, and they forfeit the competition. Oddly enough, that's good work. 8/10.
Methhead: gets in the water and freaks out at all "this wet stuff". He drowns and dies. I guess that means he's disqualified. Or not--remember how AWESOME weekend at Bernie's was?? All those wacky shenanigans were amazing! I could definitely get down with that. 10/10.

Crackhead--Gets on a jet ski and takes off. He ends up at a pawn shop to sell it......2/10.

Scenario 5: We get stuck in an elevator: what happens next?
Stoner: Freaks out because all the walls are closing in.....2/10
Methhead (who's dead)--somehow manages to get us into a bank where he signs a check for $2,000,00. We dip to Florida and spend the weekend getting into all kinds of sticky situations. Elisabeth Shue shows up too....10/10
Crackhead: Robs me for my watch and wallet. Because we're stuck in the elevator, that makes for a very uncomfortable situation....0/10.

Well, I guess they all have their faults and good qualities. As for now, I will be passing on all three of them. Maybe I can find someone with a bad caffeine addiction for now....

Well, this weekend was horrible. The Cubs got swept, and the Packers are no longer perfect (record wise). Other than that, the twin cities marathon went down, and a whole bunch of people got sick. Thank god I registered too late to run in it. I heard someone died in the Twin Cities and Chicago marathon....not that trill.

I've decided to finally review something related to the Twin Cities. My first thought was "What can I do that is really easy, and I can give a good rating to"? The awnser: Broders pasta bar/restaurant in Minneapolis. They are located directly across the street from one another on 50th and Penn Ave. If you go to the Pasta bar, you will be quickly amazed at the selection of Italian meats and cheese. You can not only get Italian prosciutto, but domestic as well (a courtesy most places wouldn't bother to offer). Among some of the best pasta around, all their meats are cut/sliced right there to order. I highly recommend the pancetta (it has a peppery coating-great for pastas). The meals that are made to order are also top notch. The meatball sandwich is still my top choice, but the spaghetti, lasagna, and array of salads are also taste tinglers. If you make your way across the street to the restaurant, you will find a quaint spot to impress a date. Among the good smells from the open kitchen, you will find some of the most impressive Italian food Minneapolis has to offer. Those looking for fine dining along with those just looking for good food, will both be pleasantly satisfied. Try any pasta dish and you won't regret it. Also, the eggplant is oddly good (I'm not a fan of any kind of eggplant).

In a random thought, how does a song like Crank Dat get to a #1 spot on the music charts?? This has to be one of the worst "rap" songs I've ever heard. Can we not have a rap song with a horrible dance to go along with (i.e. walk it out, crank dat, chicken noodle soup, the macarana aunt jackie etc....)?? If you haven't heard this song, consider yourself lucky. I can't go to any school, performance, public place without a handful of lame-o's trying to "superman it". And another gripe are these white tees that are about 4 sized too big for your body. 3 stacks (aka Andre 3000 of Outkast) said it best on the "Walk it out remix" ..."......And to me that white tee looks like a nightgown/make your mama proud and take that thing 2 sizes down". Granted, I'm no hiphop fashion critic (see photos of me in 6th grade with overalls one--one side hanging down, name shaved into the back of my head, and air jordans on), but some trends are even too lame for me. Obviously there is some good hiphop music out there, it just seems to be getting fewer and farer (is farer a word??) in between. I miss the days of grandmaster flash talking about how tough his life is rather than Hurricane Chris yelling "Ay Bay Bay" at me......I know a lot of people are hating on me because they listen to that constantly, but I'm sorry, that is horrible music.

Hiphop...oh how you've changed....

Into this??