When your mouth moves faster than your brain.

So here's a rather odd story that happened to me today. I'm at school, working with a group on some lame project. I'm sorta daydreaming in and out of the conversation. And then I hear this girl say "...I was wiping, and my sleeve got a little poo on it, and it smelled for like 4 hours. I didn't realize what the smell was coming from until I got home. That's like the funniest and most embarrassing thing I have ever done". Just then, I return to un-daydreaming and say "That's cool, but not uppertank cool". As I was saying this, I didn't think anything was wrong until I got to "but not...." As I was talking, my brain ran to grab the emergency off button. I had visions of Homer Simpson in a nuclear meltdown running around frantic, looking for the ANY key. Obviously it didn't get to it in time. I knew as soon as I said uppertank, I was going to have to explain it. Of course, the 4 girls look at me and one says "Whats an uppertank"? I sat there for about 10 seconds trying to come up with something witty to say in response. I couldn't conjure a single thing except the truth.

As I was explaining the odd truth about the uppertank, I saw their faces go from inquisitive, to absolutely disgusted. After my story about it was over, one of the other girls goes "That is like the sickest thing I've ever heard. Why would ANYone want to do that"?

Besides the fact that I thought it was hilarious, I couldn't think of a real response. I just shrugged my shoulders. She then goes on to say "Remind me to NEVER allow you to come over to my house, or any public place that I'm in. You have a twisted mind dude".

For most of the people I know, the upper tank is an urban legend at best. They find it funny and REALLY odd, but I've never gotten ostracized like that before (except in high school when a teacher threatened to call my parents because I included it into a short story). Basically I was kicked out of the group too. Now I'm going to be known as "that kid" in class. Oh well.

In other news, Mike is not responsible for the California wildfires. I would not rule out a certain Bickle though.

With Halloween coming up, all women will have an excuse to dress as skanky as possible in the spirit of the holiday. Why can't Presidents day have a following like that?? Whats my costume you ask? I have no clear idea yet. It will be offensive and borderline illegal I think. But be careful people. If the Karate Kid has shown us anything, it's that a costume party can turn bad real quick. If you see a guy dressed as a shower mackin' on your honey, just let it go. He's probably cooler than you anyway.

With all the "celebrity" shows on TV, I wish they would have a celebrity battleship show. Who cares about dancing, poker and bull riding? Battleship is dope. Who wouldn't want to watch George Michael battle it out with one of the Fat Boys??

I also had a chance this week to preview Jay-Z's new album "American Gangster". Its pretty much a mix of "The Black Album" and "Blueprint". Its what we've come to expect of the Jigga man in the past 5 years. There are a few notable songs though. There is a REAL cool track with Lil Wayne, and Ignorant Shit is on this album (which was supposed to be on "Kingdom Come"). I just can't believe that the reining "king of rap" picks lame beats most of the time. Once in a while he'll throw us a curve ball and make a really good song over a real hot beat (i.e. Threats). But for the most part, its all Timberland/Neptunes and Kanye beats all over the place. Remember on "In my life...Volume 1" when DJ Premier was on half the tracks?? That was where it was at. But for whatever business reason, Jay has not had a lot of good combos on the albums. But since most of us have heard Roc Boys and Blue Magic already, we've heard 2 of the best songs on the cd. I just long to hear a good Jay/Primo track, or even if he got a few really good guest appearances on the album...Talib, KRS, Fat Joe, Common, Kool Keith or any notable rapper, so long as they come with a good 16. The more random the collaboration, the better (see Common/Lily Allen on "Finding Forever"). But any-who, the album is definitely a pick-er-up. I give it a 7.5/10.

Well, happy semi-Friday/Thursday night yall. Have a good weekend and don't call me. I will be more than busy with fingers and toes.

JB