Thirsty-day

Wednesday was one of the biggest waste-days I've had in a while. I painted my garage and re-read About A Boy.

But Thursday was cooler!

I started off my after-hump-day with a cup of coffee from the Riverview cafe. As you notice the flick is on the outside. A: I forgot my camera. B: There was a lady staring at me all crazy-eyes like. She sorta freaked me out.......If I had brought my camera in, I would have gotten a flick of a staple of one of the finest coffee shops in Minneapolis, Rach.

My cool coffee cup that almost spilled all over me when I had to slam on my breaks because of the Train police chasing some vandals.

These are the two cops that stopped traffic on 38th for almost 20 minutes while they looked all over the place for about 3 kids. Who paints trains in the middle of the day?? They had dogs and foot police all over the place.

After my wondrous caffeine fix, I hopped the bike and headed downtown. I completely forgot to flick the new library downtown....But I did get the MacPhail center for music. I stopped in and listened to some people learning how to play the french horn. It was actually pretty good.

After the tingling in my ears wore off, I went across the street to the Gutherie theater. Now I wasn't all that pleased that they moved from the old location (and the fact that the big blue building took a LONG time to get used to), but I've been pleased with every play/production I've seen here. I went up to the Target Lounge and got an Cherry Italian Soda and a club sandwich and watched tourists flock back and forth like a slow pong game.

After the Gutherie snack I headed across the stone arch bridge to find this......

I also found a security guard I aptly named Jersey Mike. He explained everything about these large, black, mirrored boxes in a very classic Italian-Jersey accent. He looked like a smaller Paul Teutul from Orange County Choppers. No lie. I asked if I could take a picture of him and his reply was this "If yous (yes, he said yous) take a picture of me, It'll be the last thing your eyes ever see". Other then the death threat, he was a nice-funny guy. We joked about some of the pictures and the fact that Redbull was sponsoring it. So we had some redbulls and I went on my way.

Redbulls reasoning for doing this. Jersey Mike told me that the part about "braving the lens to take a picture" was b.s. He said that that the people behind the pictures took flicks of people being brave (because most of the pictures are of REALLY extreme sports). He then mumbled about how he once jumped off the 4th floor of a building for drunken kicks....

The park boards message about it.

Since Jersey Mike wouldn't let me take his picture, this is the next best thing. Just picture Paulie with a yellow security shirt and black sunglasses.

This is what the 5x5 blocks look like when they're lit up at night.

This is what the blocks look like when they're not going during the day. Apparently, they show an image of Jon B-nonstop!

The Gutherie and Gold Medal Flour from the Stone Arch Bridge. You can sorta see the Metradome behind them.

This is what the 35W bridge looks like thusfar. Hopefull it will be done in October......It really doesn't look like the old one. Apparently there is supposed to be a walking/bikeway underneath it to go across the river.

This was the video of the parked cops. I couldn't get them actually chasing the kids...

This is the stone arch bridge part 1. At the end, some yuckle started yelling for me to get off that side. It was one of the security guards.
This is the stone arch bridge part 2. I got the Guthrie, Gold Medal Flour and some other stuff.

Then for dinner I whipped up some garlic shrimp, lemon pasta and some white wine (that turned out not to be so good). Oh well.

Update: Kristen and me tried out this spot called First Course in Minneapolis. I'll babble about it more, but it was quite good. Good wine, tasty pizza and the head chef spent about 10 minutes talking about his drivers license photo. I would give it a solid 8/10 for a good 2nd date.

Too-day Tuesday

Ah Tuesday. Not as lame as Monday but still not as cool as Thursday......

As it's vacation day #2, I decided to indulge in some arts and....well, no crafts. If you live in Minneapolis currently, you know it was about 95 degrees today. It was the perfect, sunny day to be bopping around town. The first stop was at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts.

I tried to take some more flicks outside, but the sun-glare ruined it.....

There really wasn't anything new inside except for a few works here and there, but I still lost track of time and realized it 3 HOURS LATER! I got there around 10 in the morning and the next time I checked my watch it was almost 1:30! Oh well, it was time well spent. I find it strange that all art museums seem to have a similar smell. I actually like it. I would have to say that the MIA is one of the best free spots in the state.

After the MIA, I biked on over to the sculpture garden. There were all kinds of people there today. There was a lady taking senior pictures of another girl and she almost fell in the spoon-pond. I chuckled. I didn't have the time to take pics of the 40 sculptures, so I settled on the main ones.

It's the IDS building in between the bicycle. I wish I could use my film camera and actually take a picture that's good, but I'm still using the digital......

I would venture to say that the cherry and spoon is one of the most recognizable/photographed things in Minneapolis. I decided that I would go with the popular trend and flick it also. I'm pretty sure the person in the white shirt is the one who almost fell into the pond.






If you turn to your right from the cherry spoon, you can see the basilica. If I weren't so tired, I would have walked across the bridge and flick some stuff over by Loring Park......but I didn't













And this is from on top of the hill by the Walker Art Center. As you can see below, there is an "art inspired" putt-putt golf center set up. It was actually pretty good. If I had more time, I may have played a game. So I sat on this hill for about a half hour and pondered how to include this into the new book.....











To top it all off, I caught a little league game. This is my little brother (from the Big Brothers program) H. He struck out twice.....but they won the game. I'm pretty sure it was the last game of the season.















And of course, nothing caps a summer day quite like some gelato. The best place I've found for it in the Twin Cities is at Fat Lorenzos (I recommend the Stracciatella or Frutti di Bosco). So I took my cup and hung out by Lake Nokomis for a while.

This is Lake Nokomis. The southern end of Minneapolis. Still only 5 miles from downtown though.

So as I'm writing this, the All Star Game is in the 14th inning and all tied up....See National League, if Derrick Lee were in, this wouldn't have happened......

Well, since the news is predicting rain the next day or so, I'll be doing tedious work around the house. I'd flick some of it, but it's probably boring......

Thursday and Friday should allow for some interesting festivities though....After all, it is the 10 best days of summer.

I need to find a new book to read...I spent almost an hour and a half at Barnes and Noble tonight looking for something new and good. Everything I found seemed humdrum.

Oh, and the Dark Knight comes out this week. I'll have to catch it at some point in time.......They should make a comic book movie about Calvin and Hobbes..

Oh Vacation

You call it a balloon, I call it a bad breath holder.

So the first formal vacation is slated for this week. Due to the gas prices, my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants (or at least the seat of an airline) is quickly diminishing. My ticket for the UK almost doubled in price since I last checked, so needless to say I won't be going this year.

On another note, I've decided to add some media-vacation-notes. So with this being the first day of vacation, lets see what transpired.

So my old running shoes have long worn out. I've decided that breaking in my new shoes would be a great way to spend a Monday morning/afternoon. I was a little nervous about spending so much dough on shoes, but around the 10th mile around the lakes, I realized it was a wiser investment then google.

After the run and a much needed lunch, I decided that I should go for a bike ride. Since I don't think I have any flicks of the new bike up, I decided to post some around the city of Minneapolis. I actually gave in and used a digital camera because with the heat, I felt it best not to carry my film around (hence the less-then-good photos). This is from Harriet looking towards downtown.

Another one from Harriet with the Bandshell and Downtown.

After visiting cities from around the US and the rest of the world, places like this are great to have in your city.

After about 2 more hours on the bike doing the Minnehaha Falls/Nokomis/Harriet/Calhoun circle I walked for a bit towards Harriet. This is the rose garden. It smells better then it looks. During the middle of the day it is occupied by old people and 1st date couples.

So I found a nice tree to prop the bike up against and relax for about a half hour. But guess what? Five minutes into it, this beastly woman flops down 100 feet in front of me to read a book (which I'm sure wasn't a good one)...No joke. It's quiet as could be and she farts. I heard it...FROM 100 FEET AWAY!! Within about five minutes of sitting there, she starts to sweat through her shirt. Thanks obesity.

The bike parked up against the tree. It's much easier to ride now that I have foot holds and a front break....

I got home and decided to make dinner. As you can see, Italian sausage looks pretty similar to

something........But anywho, Broders has the best Italian meats in the city (or at least that I can find).

So heat up some olive oil, add the sausage, onions and a whole bunch of other things and let it cook. Hours later my kitchen still smells good.

Add some cheese and bake. mmmmmmmm. If you look to the top-right, you can see the pictures some of my students have made for me. (Yes, I actually do hang them on my fridge-along with the topgun flicks).

Some good red wine with bread later and it's a night!

So this is a video I took while sitting under my tree at Harriet park. In it, you can see the sweaty woman and a couple that made out for about 15 minutes.

This is a short clip of Lake Harriet from a dock. I'm pretty sure you can't see all the fish in the water.

Tuesday is the Ma's birfday so I don't think there will be many photos, but the rest of the week should be good for flicks.





The All-star game is also this Tuesday. I may or may not watch it. It sorta reminds me of the probowl. People are there, but don't really try. Also, Derrick Lee got snubbed...The home run derby is also a waste of time. At least the slam dunk competition can be good. My problem is that people don't participate anymore. I remember the days of the Michael Jordan/Dominiqe Wilkins showdowns. There are no big name players anymore. Why won't Dwayne Wade or Carmello partake in the event?? Perhaps they are worried about bruised egos.....I think more "big name" athletes should participate in things like that. It's good for the sport. If Ryan Howard or Alex Rodriguez were participating, I'd probably watch. Don't get me wrong, Justin Morneau is the home-team guy, but not exactly a charismatic player. And out of all the pro athletes I've met over the years, he's one of my least favorite in person. Heck, Shawn Merriman (who you would think would be arrogant) was much more pleasant to talk with--but that's another story.





On another random meeting, I met David Crosby this past Thursday at the IDS center. I was down there for lunch with Kristen and who should walk out wearing a jean jacket outfit?? Mellisa Etheridges' baby-daddy! I didn't' get a chance for a photo or a long chat, but it was cool none-the-less to see him.





Everyone should check out the Nicollet farmers market. It's one of the best in the Twin Cities.
Other then that, the Lyndale and Mill City farmers markets are really good in the summer months.

Well, have a good week everyone. Enjoy the weather. I'm off to the Minneapolis Institute of Art and then the Sculpture Garden.

-JB

Life's not a game....or is it?

I remember the wonderful days of childhood. Heck, even into most my teens were spent playing board games on a Friday night (instead of macking on girlies--which leads to repressed emotions. But that's another story). But how true to life are these games?? I dug out some of my old favorites to check out the "real life" experience they bring.



1. Chutes and Ladders. So apparently it's a game that teaches you that life has ups and downs. Unless you land on space 80 (which is a direct ladder to the end). That tells me that it's ok to take shortcuts in life. If you need to hop a ladder to get to the top, make sure you push some people down a ladder.









2. Monopoly. Let's face it. This is the game that causes more frustration then fun. And you ALWAYS end up playing with that one kid who buys one of each property (hindering your ability to monopolize anything). This game can also last for hours--resulting in you and your grandmother fist fighting over Baltic Ave at 3am. And the other part of Monopoly that will lead to an argument are the "untold rules". Do you get money when you land on free parking? What are the various rules to get you out of jail? But Monopoly teaches us about rich and poor and that there is no middle ground. Why is it that Park Place/Boardwalk are right around the corner from Mediterranean Ave? That's gentrification (Thanks Hooper X). If you don't believe me, play with a group for about an hour. Someone will have hotels on about 80% of the board, and I'm left with with stupid Electric Company and a wad of white $1's.....






3. Twister. The only thing that Twister taught me is that girls are hot. You will never see a group of 5 guys playing twister in a basement. However, if you're looking to get close to a girl, have twister set up and after a few drinks, booya. To make it interesting, after these drinks remove some pants.




4. Chinese Checkers. The ONLY thing this game taught me is that I have no business dipping into the ancient art of Chinese checkers. To be honest, I used to put these in bowls full of candy and watch to see if someone bit into one. If someone was like "Jon, lets play some Chinese Checkers", I would politely decline--because I have NO memory of how to play....





5. Trouble. The only thing this game taught me is that if there is a bubble popper in the middle of the board, the game will never get finished because I will sit and pop the bubble for hours.........








6. Cranium. All in all, I didn't know this game existed until about 18 years old. The only thing this game taught me, is that deep, deep, deep down inside, I'm kind of a nerd. I remember playing this game with Bickle, Boo, Ritchie, Brandon and Damien for hours during the summer. How could such swanky guys be alone in a George Forman basement playing this instead of hanging out with girls?? Oh the mysteries of life.




7. Trivial Pursuit. This game only taught me that school lied to me. I don't need to know about lunch and gym class, I should be focused on the leader of Russia during the turn of the century! The people who win this game, you love to hate. You admire their wealth of useless facts, but hate the fact you're an idiot....







8. Hungry Hippos. And we wonder why we have childhood obesity! I damn near ate those marbles when I wanted a snack. This game taught me that to be gluttonous was to be victorious! The one who ate the most, in the shortest time was the best person ever......and usually the one to die the quickest from a heart attack.








9. Battleship. This has to be one of my favorites. A game where you sink the other ship. The whole reason this game is cool though, is in the commercial when the kid goes "You sunk my battleship". In real life, you cheated every way possible. Like stacking 2 ships on top of each other, or making "T's" with all the ships (to throw your opponent off). For whatever reason, I site this game as allowing me to understand Algebra and Calculus in college ( I even wrote a theory paper on the connection to battleship and long equations).




10. Uno. This game taught me that skipping people is cool. Or, if you're in the lead, have them draw cards until they're full. The worst part is when you get 7 people in a row who "change the number or color" and you're left with none of the colors OR numbers. But it did teach me the art of cheating in games. Whenever I laid a card down, I would stick a random card behind it making it look like one card. That's how I got rid of all my cards so quick.

Honorable mentions: Stratego, Scrabble, Sorry, Game of Life, Sorry, Connect 4 and Mouse Trap.

What's your favorite games growing up??

I'm sorta in a rut these days. I've been looking for some good music that I haven't heard before, but I can't find any.......


I really hope I keep all the fingers this weekend.


So the book I'm currently writing has been put on hold for the summer because I've decided to take on a new one. The plot thus far is about someone who decides to leave home to travel west in order to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. It's sooooooorta like Leaving Las Vegas, but without the weak acting, Vegas and drinking. The person is normal in every way, but something feels right about taking their own life from the bridge.....I think it's going to be called "Accessible". I got the general idea from the documentary called "The Bridge". Its kinda sad, but a good flick. Everyone thinks it's a strange idea for me (mostly because all the stuff I write is humorous and light hearted).


I wonder what Hootie is up to these days......


I'm still juggling the idea of having a moustache. No one seems to think it's a grand plan.


Well, I hope everyone has a good 4th. And remember that the Declaration of Independence wasn't done on the 4th of July......just a tidbit of historical trivia for you. It was actually done on July 2nd and generally adopted on the 4th. And not everyone was in one giant room signing it, it was passed along until August. Sometimes I hate being a social studies major.........sorry about that.


If you get a chance, check out the show Wipeout. It's hilarious. People falling off stuff will always be funny to those of us with a 16 year old sense of humor.

Yo Sniz-ap

So this past weekend was the Pride festival in Minneapolis. From what I understand, it's the largest in the Midwest. I could care less what the events are about, I'm a festival-nut. I go to all those art fairs and music venues-in-the-parks in the Twin Cities. I didn't really get a chance to bike to this festival, but Batman took part in the parade. I guess that explains a lot......

All in all it's a fine time to be in Minneapolis. With the exception of the other 9 months of the year (i.e. winter) the Twin Cities are the place to live.

I figured I'd put in a picture of Minnehaha Falls in the middle of summer. Sometimes you forget that this exists in a major city. Along with the lakes, creeks, hobos and other natural beauties.

Speaking of which, I think I'm off to do some biking....Happy Monday.

-JB

Advice from you-know-who

Hey all. So it's that time of the month where I take a moment and answer all your important, burning questions and hope to aid in some life advice.

Dear Jon,

I'm looking for a song for my summer. I want this song to be reeaaaallly goood. You see, I just graduated high school and I need a theme song to make this summer memorable. Any advice?
Thanks- Mr. No SummerSongs

Mr No SummerSong,
If I were to pick a song to sum up my summer, it would be Luchini by Camp Lo. You really can't go wrong here. Other then that, go for something like a smooth country song. Most country songs take place in the warm weather. But unlike me in high school, stay away from songs like Summertime Girls, and Summer in the City. Though it may be fitting, Summertime by The Fresh Prince should be avoided by someone as young as you. Hope it helps.

Dear Jon, You know how everyone is saying "So is your face" and "that's what she said"? Well I want a new and cool saying that will catch on. Any advice on how to find such a saying??
-Cassie

Cass,
Sexual innuendos are hilarious. They always be. Start a new one! Here's what you need to do: Pick ANY task. Washing windows, baking bread, making peanut butter & jelly or tying shoes. Every time you see an attractive guy (or girl), turn to your friend and say you would do said task on them. Example "Oh snap! I'd butter her bread". Or "I'd balance his checkbook". Capisce?

Dear Jon,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for like three months. Her birthday is coming up and I'm not sure what to get her. Something that says how much I care, or something practical? I don't want her to think I'm over-doing it.....
- Albert

Al,
I know A LOT about women and what they want. Have you not seen that classic Mel Gibson flick? Women love a guy who can take it to the next level. I would recommend getting her some clothes. But buy them super big. That way she can grow into them in the next 8 months (she'll put on plenty of weight during your dating time). Women also really like sports. Get her a basketball signed by Larry Bird, or a football with Jerry Rices' signature on it. She will no doubt be speechless. If all else fails go with a Keith Sweat CD. Women love that guy for some reason.....

Dear Jon,
Last time I wrote, you recommended a Color Me Badd song for my wedding. Well, since I take your advice seriously, I brought that up to my lady. Needless to say, I'm writing this from my couch--alone. What can I do to get her back?
-Mr. No Song

What? That didn't work? I say good riddance. Any lady who doesn't like the sultry swingings of I wanna sex you up isn't worth spending the rest of your life with. I say go out this Friday and find a nice girl who will appreciate classical music. I think the best bet is to go to a karaoke bar and request the following: Poisen, Sex You Up, Every Little Step I Take, Candy Girl or Hangin' Tough. Look for the girls that are obviously drinking too much and really into your song. After the song approach them and say "That was for you". Guarantee it working for ou.

Dear Summer

Dear Andrea, You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life (except the time I got those new Air Jordans). - Sam




I read that and laughed. Why? ?Because it's true.




But anywho, The other day while in my car, sitting in traffic in uptown, I'm skipping through the radio. Of all the 15 stations, I can only find 3 songs: Flowrider, Silly, and some song with a voicebox. When all of a sudden Stay by Lisa Loeb comes on. I'm not really paying attention to what's going on around me, and I leave the volume of the radio a tad high. Since it's a nice day out in Minneapolis, the windows and sunroof are wide open. And, for whatever reason, I began to mumble the words to the song (most of us can remember EVERY word for that song-they only played it 333, 694 times a day in the 90's). As I'm still waiting to turn, a car full of high school/college freshman-aged girls pulls up next to me and begin laughing hysterically at the fact that this song is on, and I'm bumbling along with it. I'm semi-embarrassed that they caught me singing to a song such as this. So (because I knew I would never see them again), I pretended to sob and yell at them "You just don't understand her like I do! You just CAN'T"!!!! The look on their faces went from laughing to freaked out. Then I made my left turn down Lake Street and out of their lives. I'm pretty sure they are retelling their friends with the story of some super-cute guy who was singing along to a chick song, but turned out to be a mega-freak! I enjoy making little differences in peoples lives on a daily basis. I really love summer.




Over the weekend I stole a limo. Not really hot wired it like Bruce Willis, but more-or-less commandeered it. We were at a REAL swanky wedding at Interlachen (and I knew no one, and I really don't care for weddings). So we got sat at a table with a few other couples at the reception--who I did not feel like chatting with. Anyway, a few glasses of wine later and we're all talking. Turns out they're not half bad. So one of them comes back from the bar and says "the host bar is over, drinks are about $9. We could go to the store and buy a whole bottle for that"! Then a guy on the other side of the table says "We should take the limo to the store and get some". I stand up and yell "Lets go" and start dashing out the door. All I really wanted was a redbull because I was driving that night. But everyone else was surprised that the calm, quite fellow sitting at their table turned out to be the world famous trickster-Jon B. Needless to say ten minutes later we were cruising in a limo to get bagged booze. Apparently, Edina liquor stores do not believe in Joose or 40's. Classy as Cory Feldman. I wish I had pictures, but I don't use a digital camera.



I'm sure you noticed the smooth prom picture from 1986. I'm trying to find the best/funniest/classiest prom and wedding pictures lately.....I'm not sure why.



I really like these guys at a junior prom. Everyone is so hardcore-except the guy in the bottom left. He's just happy to be out with his new gang.

Well, I'm off to watch either Rookie of the Year or Little Big League. See ya!

-JB