The art of being a complete ass comes with much hard work. Some people think you're born with the gift, but it takes much training grasshopper. Its harder than being a Navy SEAL, but easier than your girlfriend....**wait for it.....wait for it....check the "oh snap flowchart:...yes it is. OH SNAP!!! Oh no he didn't! Oh yes I did.** Anyway, there are many pricks in our society. Most of them we love, some we hate, but I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on these great/horrible individuals. Because when you're not the target of the anger, its quite funny...
1.
Wile Coyote. C'mone. What did that roadrunner ever do to you? Slept with your girl? Ok, maybe that gives you a little reason to be mad, but years upon years of trying to kill the poor runner?? And honestly, what did you plan to do once you caught him? Cook him? No way, that meat would be horrid. How about hiring a contract killer that doesn't use rockets or anvils, that might work. How about getting a real job, like border patrol. Down in the desert, you're close to the border, so secure it with you wacky security schemes. I say let it go and kill a cartoon that we hate--Hanna Montana (I know she's a real person).
2. Michael Jordan. I know what you're saying. "Whoa, the greatest basketball player EVER??
Why would you put him him on this list"? Because. He retired and came back.....twice. Talk about a dick move. I cried each time. Tugging at ol' Johnnys heart strings like that has a tole. That is why I consider: Christian Laettner, Shawn Kemp, Mugsy Bouges, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson and Air Bud to be better players than MJ. Why not just stay with the Bulls?? And to try your hand at baseball?? You gotta be kidding me! Now, I'm going to put on my Hanes boxers and my Air Jordans and play some ball...
3.
Jamarcus Russell. This guy is why people hate athletes. He basically said "I'm better than what you're going to pay me, so I'm not going to play until you raise my salary". And boom, he got a $30 million deal from the Raiders. Has he played one day in the NFL?? nope. What on earth makes you think you're worth that much?? I can understand an Elway, Montana, Rice, LT (the REAL LT, not Tomlinson), Bo Jackson or anyone of that caliber to say that, but a douche that has done NOTHING, does not deserve that kind of pay day. And to make the team go and sign Daunte Culpepper?? Oh, you are a king of pricks Mr. Russell.
4.
Pepe le Peu. I think he falls in the "rapist" category instead of this, but I thought he fit the mold of a prick too. All he does is run around and try to mack on that fine cat who accidentally got a white stripe down her back....how about e-harmony next time there??
5. Bill Romanowski. Just look at this guy, he looks like he looks like he'd kick your ass just for looking at hm sideways. Well, anyway, he got his rocks off from purposely hurting other NFL players. And oddly enough, he brags about it to this day. He also punched a fellow player in the eye, ending his ability to play in the NFL. Talk about ass clowns, this guy takes the cake. I don't think anyone has been in more fights in the league than him...
6.
The Care Bears. Oh, you think you're sooooo cool hanging up on your cloud, in your special club that no one can join? Who cares, I'll just hang out down here with my pound puppies and garbage pail kids. I hope the forecast calls for a clear, sunny day, so I don't have to see you colorful freaks anymore. You ruined my childhood. And I can never get that back, no matter how many pills promise "CareBear adventures guaranteed"....
7. The 2007 Minnesota Twins. How many seasons can we get right on the brink of the playoffs and then lose? It seems every year this happens. These guys are pricks. Toying with my hopes and emotions (*flashback of Big Perm in Friday saying "You're toying with my emotions Smokey!!!"*). Look at this photo closely. Notice #20-Lew Ford looking like he wants so badly to jump in the crowd, and the rest of the team won't let him-- having fun without him...poor Lew. I'd bet that Torii Hunter will be gone at the end of the year, and who can blame him?? Also, I'd almost bet that Santana will also be leaving. Mauer will get hurt, and Morneau will start to flop and still never smile. That leaves us with Neshek, Lew Ford and Baker-the- homerun -maker to bring home the title...so I guess we shouldn't hold our breath.
In other news, the Vikings won. There's no surprise there. They beat one of the worst teams in the NFL. But despite how weak the Vikings are, Adrian Peterson should be the rookie of the year (if he stays healthy). and I'm making my prediction for them to end up at 8-8, and maybe having a wildcard chance at the end. We'll see how they fair against the Lions. I've always been a Viking -hater since the Hershel Walker trade, and until they get a real quarterback and an outside stadium, I don't see that changing. And the Packers beat one of the better teams in the NFL in the Eagles. Way to go 4. Favre now ties Elway with the most career wins. And I'm looking for him to become #1 in all time touchdowns, yards, attempts and interceptions this season. No one can say they hold most TD's and int's....thats pretty hardcore. Peace out yall, and happy Tuesday.
-the original Jon B
1.
Wile Coyote. C'mone. What did that roadrunner ever do to you? Slept with your girl? Ok, maybe that gives you a little reason to be mad, but years upon years of trying to kill the poor runner?? And honestly, what did you plan to do once you caught him? Cook him? No way, that meat would be horrid. How about hiring a contract killer that doesn't use rockets or anvils, that might work. How about getting a real job, like border patrol. Down in the desert, you're close to the border, so secure it with you wacky security schemes. I say let it go and kill a cartoon that we hate--Hanna Montana (I know she's a real person).2. Michael Jordan. I know what you're saying. "Whoa, the greatest basketball player EVER??
Why would you put him him on this list"? Because. He retired and came back.....twice. Talk about a dick move. I cried each time. Tugging at ol' Johnnys heart strings like that has a tole. That is why I consider: Christian Laettner, Shawn Kemp, Mugsy Bouges, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson and Air Bud to be better players than MJ. Why not just stay with the Bulls?? And to try your hand at baseball?? You gotta be kidding me! Now, I'm going to put on my Hanes boxers and my Air Jordans and play some ball...3.
Jamarcus Russell. This guy is why people hate athletes. He basically said "I'm better than what you're going to pay me, so I'm not going to play until you raise my salary". And boom, he got a $30 million deal from the Raiders. Has he played one day in the NFL?? nope. What on earth makes you think you're worth that much?? I can understand an Elway, Montana, Rice, LT (the REAL LT, not Tomlinson), Bo Jackson or anyone of that caliber to say that, but a douche that has done NOTHING, does not deserve that kind of pay day. And to make the team go and sign Daunte Culpepper?? Oh, you are a king of pricks Mr. Russell.4.
Pepe le Peu. I think he falls in the "rapist" category instead of this, but I thought he fit the mold of a prick too. All he does is run around and try to mack on that fine cat who accidentally got a white stripe down her back....how about e-harmony next time there??
5. Bill Romanowski. Just look at this guy, he looks like he looks like he'd kick your ass just for looking at hm sideways. Well, anyway, he got his rocks off from purposely hurting other NFL players. And oddly enough, he brags about it to this day. He also punched a fellow player in the eye, ending his ability to play in the NFL. Talk about ass clowns, this guy takes the cake. I don't think anyone has been in more fights in the league than him...
6.
The Care Bears. Oh, you think you're sooooo cool hanging up on your cloud, in your special club that no one can join? Who cares, I'll just hang out down here with my pound puppies and garbage pail kids. I hope the forecast calls for a clear, sunny day, so I don't have to see you colorful freaks anymore. You ruined my childhood. And I can never get that back, no matter how many pills promise "CareBear adventures guaranteed"....
7. The 2007 Minnesota Twins. How many seasons can we get right on the brink of the playoffs and then lose? It seems every year this happens. These guys are pricks. Toying with my hopes and emotions (*flashback of Big Perm in Friday saying "You're toying with my emotions Smokey!!!"*). Look at this photo closely. Notice #20-Lew Ford looking like he wants so badly to jump in the crowd, and the rest of the team won't let him-- having fun without him...poor Lew. I'd bet that Torii Hunter will be gone at the end of the year, and who can blame him?? Also, I'd almost bet that Santana will also be leaving. Mauer will get hurt, and Morneau will start to flop and still never smile. That leaves us with Neshek, Lew Ford and Baker-the- homerun -maker to bring home the title...so I guess we shouldn't hold our breath.
In other news, the Vikings won. There's no surprise there. They beat one of the worst teams in the NFL. But despite how weak the Vikings are, Adrian Peterson should be the rookie of the year (if he stays healthy). and I'm making my prediction for them to end up at 8-8, and maybe having a wildcard chance at the end. We'll see how they fair against the Lions. I've always been a Viking -hater since the Hershel Walker trade, and until they get a real quarterback and an outside stadium, I don't see that changing. And the Packers beat one of the better teams in the NFL in the Eagles. Way to go 4. Favre now ties Elway with the most career wins. And I'm looking for him to become #1 in all time touchdowns, yards, attempts and interceptions this season. No one can say they hold most TD's and int's....thats pretty hardcore. Peace out yall, and happy Tuesday.
-the original Jon B
3 comments:
Lou Alcindor is the greatest basketball player ever.
Then Bill Russel
Then Oscar Robertson.
Jamarcus Russel just signed today, but should still get the shit kicked out of him.
Bill Romanowski should be given the death penalty.
You don't know pain until you paint the Care Bears 40 hours a week all summer. I thought I was a goner. I felt like a member of the Endurance.
If any body else is interested I'm in for driven down to the Twins front office and ringing some clocks.
The Vikings will maybe have 6 wins.
I also hate the Vikings. They suck, and have sucked since Warren Moon left. Besides Darren Sharper and maybe one other person, that whole team is weak. go bengals!!
Nobody talks bad about my twins Jon B. Unless of course you are Sammy Davis Jr. Which you most certainly are NOT. Oh yeah, yesterday I pooped in Jamarcus Russells wheaties. It was some hot shit.
Post a Comment