The Twin Cities Greatest

Surprised?

2012-02-12T09:19:00.002-06:00

Whitney Houston died yesterday. Possibly from drugs. In other news, fire is hot. Were we really that surprised? For some reason I thought Bobby Brown would have gone first.

Well, my pre-birthday bash went stellar as planned. Kristen cold rocked it! I also found out I have a very strong affinity for fois gras. We went out on Friday, and had, quite possibly, the tastiest duck dish I've ever had (short of the one we had in Paris). It was actually paired with the right amount of sweet rice and cilantro. Wow, as I type this I really think I sound like a food snob....I might have to eat some Ramen to make up for it!

Sidenotes:

-If you haven't downloaded Asher Roth's Pabst & Jazz album, you're sorely missing out

-Apparently the Timberwolves are a real team this year. Not that they're winning many games, but they're better than watching college basketball for the first time in 4 years

-What can one man do with a $40 salt shaker?

-Mike Boo was in town the other week. Whenever he comes to Minneapolis, I aptly name that weekend: Mike-Boo-a-Palooza. He should come back more often.

-Some days I really feel like I'm a closet hipster. I caught myself saying "yeah, but they were better before they got on TV". Apparently something is only cool if I am the only one who knows about it. The minute it catches on, it is no longer on the radar. What a silly way to think.

Well, it's off to finish the birthday week. I can't believe it's the big 3-0. I'm really getting old.....

And Now What?

2012-01-14T08:42:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I'm almost 30. I really have nothing more to add than that. But when I was 15, I never thought about becoming this old. And now I'm fast approaching. I might have to hang up juvenile tendencies for good. No more 3am strolls, no more carrying tools "just in case" and certainly no more doing sketches in 14 year olds books. I''m out for good.

In other news, Ricky Rubio is the new savior of Minnesota. Joe Mauer who?

Christmas Time of Year

2011-12-03T09:43:00.005-06:00

I literally can't wait for June. Literally, I can't wait. Twins season tickets are set up to be SOLID this year. There is going to be a 10 day stretch with 9 home games against the Phillies, Cubs and Brewers. I just hope that Thome, Fielder and maybe Pujols are playing during those games. New seats this year too. Switching from 1st base side to 3rd base side. The view of Downtown is MUCH better. Pretty soon, the Twins will be like the Timberwolves. People will pay to see the other teams players. The only Twins that I actually enjoy watching are Span and Kubel. People always ask "but what about Revere, Cuddyer, Mauer and Morneau"? Mostly because they're overrated. Revere is fun to watch, but isn't going to turn into Torii Hunter anytime soon. And Mauer and Morneau are the most overrated players the Twins have had in a while. I wish they would bring back Lew Ford!

In unrelated news, today is one of my favorite days of the year. It is the day I go and get my christmas tree. The next few weeks leave my house smelling of pine like crazy! And, as tradition, I pump the christmas music up to 10, enjoy some Beaujolais, and decorate the hell out of that tree. I just put the finishing touches on my 2012 christmas mix. And I have to say, I LOVE LOVE LOVE a Charlie Brown Christmas. It reminds me of fond Christmas mornings with my parents. There's such a child-like enjoyment that only this time of year brings out in me. As soon as my wife puts presents under the tree, I pull them out and shake them. She literally has to hide them from me. I feel that my Christmas wish list is getting out of hand though!

I'm so glad Saucy Burts is still rolling downtown. I LOVE the foodtruck trend that has taken over Minneapolis. WSK and Burts are my two favorite. And with the cold weather, almost all of them have packed it up for the year. But not Burts. I literally ran a block and a half yesterday coatless in order to get a tasty meatball sandwich. Just thinking about it makes me hungry and I just ate a massive breakfast.

Come to think of it, I've become something of a food snob the past few years. I guess it has to do with getting older and changing tastes. But places like 5 Guys, Chipotle and Perkins are absolutely terrible to my taste buds! Now, I find myself frequenting Bar La Grassa and Saffron more and more during lunch and dinner events. There's something about experiencing food instead of just eating it because I'm hungry. Now my day to day diet of 5 hardboiled eggs and straight chicken breasts still does exist (hey, gotta load up on protein somehow), but there's something about the perfect texture of gnocchi that makes me melt.

As I'm writing this, I'm trying to find every way possible to NOT go to the gym. It's Saturday, and that means it's legs day. Which leaves me walking like an elderly man tomorrow. So I guess I'll give in and hit the weights for my 90 minutes and maybe soak in an ice bath afterwards. And because it's winter, it's eat, eat, eat season. I went from a steady diet of 3,000 calories, to almost 5,000 calories. I guess muscles don't grow if you don't eat! But needless to say, it leaves me a bit dodgy in the mornings.

Hopefully I'll post something else before the holidays, but if I don't, Happy Christmashanakkwanza!

Oh, and if you get a free minute, go download The Walk by Mayer Hawthorne.

The NBA and other stuff

2011-11-30T19:23:00.002-06:00

What's that sound? Oh yeah, the silence of the Target Center. Why? Because even though the NBA is back on, the Center will remain empty as can be. But I might actually drop by to see the phenom Ricky Rubio. We can call him a phenom right? right?

So here are my pre-season predictions. Spurs win it all. Age and experience go a long way. And a shorter season = Tim Duncan holding up. If I'm wrong, it will probably be the Bulls.

In other news, I'm slowly falling in love with a ton of celebrities right now. For one, Mila Kunis. I developed a semi-crush on her during Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And the other crush? Zooey Deschanel. I LOVE the show New Girl. Any girl that is that sweet and breaks out into random song, gets my vote. And I used to REALLY not like Elisha Cuthbert, but WOW. She is wooing me on Happy Endings. I love this season of TV!

Christmas is also coming up. B-T-Dubs: It's my favorite holiday. So thank you in advance for picking me up a present. I could really use a new Macbook Air.

In completely unrelated news, I've got my travel itinerary done for 2012. San Francisco, Denver, Orlando and hopefully a stop in London. I love airplanes.

Need a good tune? Mayer Hawthorn's The Walk is playing on my ipod a lot lately.

I've started writing my next book. And my started, I mean started thinking about a topic. I'm totally at a loss. I'm thinking of some kind of comedy, but also a love story would be good too.

Ok, I've rambled on enough for tonight. I will TRY TRY TRY to do a better job at making coherent posts in the future. Until then. Peace and chicken grease.

-JB

TV killed true love

2011-11-07T18:33:00.002-06:00

So I'm getting my oil changed today, and I'm super, super, super bored. I decided to start sending random texts to people. Long story short, I got on the subject of The Wonder Years with Marjorie. And it got me thinking....My childhood TV shows made me fall in love a certain type of woman. Who, in real life, does not exist.

Case and point: Kelly Kapowski. She was probably the first girl I had a TV crush on. I used to actually think a girl like her existed. Cool, sophisticated, big hair, and neon clothes. But take a look around--no where.

Girl 2: Winnie Cooper. The prototypical girl next door. She was such a tease though. Played those mind games with poor Kevin Arnold.

Girl 3. Topanga Lawrence. I actually fell in love with this girl when she was the nerd that Cory Mathews wanted nothing to do with. Then BOOM! She got hot in 1 season! And the rest of the world fell head over heels for her too.

Patti Mayonnaise: One of my first cartoon crushes. Looking back now, she should have given me the creeps, but she didn't.

Dina Alexander (from Salute your Shorts). Hands down, one of my favorite crushes. She was hot before I knew what hot was!

Kelly Brown (Hey Dude!). Again, hot girl on a horse. What's not to love??

Joey Potter. Katie Holmes is one of the most unattractive people on this planet. But during a very odd Junior year of high school, she was the bees knees! I told many lies about how I met "a girl that look JUST like her".

Iesha. Now this girl was just plain fictitious. But ABC made me believe there was an Iesha out there for me.

So the moral of the story is that for many years, I searched far and wide for these archetypes of women. But in the end, they don't exist. And why aren't there these types of women today? All I see on TV, is Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. TV producers need to do a better job at making unattainable women for young males to fawn over.

Night Time is the Right Time

2011-11-06T09:43:00.003-06:00

I've always been fascinated with the nighttime. 2am (especially on a week day) has a different feeling to it. It almost feels as though the city itself is sleeping. It might have something to do with the fact that when I was between the ages of 14-26 I spent a lot of my time roaming around in the night doing things that I probably shouldn't have been doing. And the places I was at were even more desolate in the night. Take for instance an abandoned building, a train yard, or a rooftop on the outskirts of downtown Minneapolis. Even in the day, these places are isolated from the wandering public, and the nighttime enhances those characteristics. For the record, I am not counting Hennepin Ave. at bar closing as being part of this nighttime feeling, though it shouldn't be fully excluded. I should really explore this concept more in depth...perhaps a new book based on short stories? Maybe.

I need to get out of here

2011-11-05T10:20:00.009-05:00

I actually have a valid excuse for not blogging this time! Kristen and I decided to spend two weeks in Italy. We headed over in October and spent two fantastic weeks between Rome and Tuscany (though most of the time was spent in Tuscany). We're already talking about what to do on our next round over there (hopefully within the next 3 years).

On the plane back home, I didn't sleep much. Instead, I had a deep reflection session with myself. The first question people ask, is "how was your trip", the second is almost always "what was your favorite part"? But how can I ever put those experiences into words? It's impossible for me to verbalize those amazing experiences. How can you describe the smell and ambiance of the Sistine Chapel? Or how the wind sounds at night next to the Colosseum? Or how soft Gelato is? Those experiences are somewhat personal and I don't know if I could ever fully explain it. So my answers are always "The trip was amazing", and "Seeing the Tuscan countryside (and wineries) was probably my favorite".

As I'm typing this, I can't help but think of similiar experiences I've had in my life. The two that jump out at me most, is how the lawn feels under the Eiffel tower at night (especially with a baguette and wine). And how the transition of overly-busy Rio de Janeiro feels when you walk a block to the beach, and suddenly it's peaceful and almost quite.

While on the train to Florence, a lady told me "There's a difference between vacation and travel". And I would almost argue that traveling is better than a vacation.....

And here are some sidenotes:

- Michael Cuddyer will be gone in the offseason. Sorry Twinkie fans. It's my off season prediction

- My Superbowl picks are Green Bay v. Pittsburg.

- Is there anything more tasty than sushi in the afternoon? I don't think there is!

- I went to Pinstripes the other weekend. Wine and bowling? Don't mind if I do!

- I'm on week 14 of my current workout regime. I've noticed a major definition change, but I can't seem to put on weight! My goal was to add 10 pounds of muscle, but so far I'm only up to about 4. Damn this rapid metabolism!

- I need a new arch enemy in my life. Joe Cooper just isn't cutting it in the "nemesis" category.

Well it's Saturday. And for me that means 2 hours at the gym, a HUGE lunch, a nap, and some major fun tonight. Minneapolis streets and random people I will see: I apologize in advance.

Ponderable Thoughts

2011-09-18T09:01:00.006-05:00

When the weather starts to cool in Minneapolis, we begin to pull those Fall clothes out of hiding. For me, it was more about looking at those clothes and saying "It's time to retire you". Which led me to my voyage to the Mall of America yesterday. It's funny that people in the Twin Cities rarely frequent the mall, but it is the MUST SEE attraction for out of towners. As I'm strolling through Nordstrom's, arm full of clothes, I had an unshakeable question pop into my head: "Have I sold out"?

I don't know how or why this ponderable question kept coming up. But I had to dig a little deeper into the notion.

By all accounts, I'm actually pretty successful. On my own, I out earn most couples I know. I have a pretty well respected corporate job at one of the most popular companies in the country. But how did I get here? I look at my upbringing, and I was never pegged as an overachiever by my schools. When it came to delinquency, I was just as involved (if not more) than all my friends. I graduated from a public high school in Minneapolis, went to a public college (paid for by only me) and graduated with an education degree. I grew up with the notion that being organic, eclectic and individualized is the way to go.

Most of my friends barely graduated high school. Most never went to college. Most never attained a legitimate "career". So how did I, by all accounts the same as them, end up where I am? Between the ages of 15 - 25, I spend more time riding my bike, illegally hanging out in train yards, and taking every step necessary to not to be a corporate sell out than actually taking the proper steps in life to achieve any social success. But here I stand in Nordstom's with an arm full of suits and over priced sweaters, and not even caring what the price tag is. Maybe it's true: The times are a changin', and I just need to adapt. But truth be told, I would be most happy in a small apartment downtown, working in a coffee shop or record store, and riding my bike or taking the bus everywhere. Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. No matter my place in life, or the price of my pants, there will ALWAYS be a scribe in a pocket somewhere in case I come across a nice clean mirror. I'll never get up in this city the way I used to, but I will always remain known.

In a very unrelated note, I got into a heated discussion with some friends the other day over local music (specifically rap). It seems that people can't understand why I'm not on the whole Minneapolis bandwagon when it comes to hiphop music. But please get one thing straight, I was hanging out with Sess off Dale Street back before most of you knew what local rap was.

The whole discussion came about by seeing an Atmosphere ad for the U's homecoming. Someone asked if I was going to go. I replied that I haven't seen an Atmosphere show since 9th grade, and if my bucket list holds up, I won't have to see another one. They couldn't believe that I wasn't an fan. "Blasphemy" they say.

I have every Headshots tape since the inception (and yes, even Atmosphere records). I didn't buy them when they re-came out, I have the originals. Never question that I don't support the locals. I put more people on the Abstract Pack than anyone I know. But I just can't get behind the recent influx of newer artists, and heck, even some old ones. In the words of Common "If I don't like it, I don't like it/Don't mean that I'm hating". Maybe it's my age, maybe it's my overall taste, but I still can't bring myself to buy a Doomtree song. Maybe one day I'll get the hype, maybe I won't. But until that day, I'll just keep this Soulja Boy on repeat--that last part was a joke. I also don't own any Soulja Boy songs. It's 4:30am and I know where my head is at.

And it's Sunday. And you know what that means? Yes, another Twins loss. Hopefully next year will be different.

Sidenote/rant:

-When did Facebook become real life? I can't even count the amount of times I hear "Well I heard on Facebook....". Facebook is supposed to be an informal way of keeping in touch with people you don't see on the weekly. But some people use it as real life. I mean, they're on there 40 times a day (literally). I log in, at most, once day. Also, people don't care where you are. Stop checking in at your house. Unless you are having a party with some tasty cheese fries, I don't care. And people, stop putting your feelings out there. Those of us in the real world, look at that and think you're the most depressing person on the planet. It's sad. Be a grown up. Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. But don't tell everyone on the planet that you're depressed about spilling coffee on your pants.

People wonder why I don't have 500 friends on FB. It's because I don't know 500 people. Let alone that I don't care what the 387 people I don't know are eating for lunch. If I meet you at a function for only 15 minutes, don't look me up on Facebook. I will not be your "friend". If you want to set up time to go get coffee and talk music/books/sports/whatever-else, that's great, I'll give you my mobile number. But I'm not going to be your FB buddy and look at uploaded pictures of your cat Mr. Mittens, or the batch of Ramen Noodles you just cooked.

JB, doing my part to enlighten the public since 1982.

Dear Summer

2011-09-06T15:02:00.004-05:00

I guess Summer isn't technically over, but it might as well be. I feel the swell season of Fall quickly approaching. And it Minnesota, it's one of the most depressing parts of the year. It's like a Sunday night-sure, you're not at work, but you know RIGHT around the corner is pure hell. There are few things I hate more than the freezing cold and snow in January. Normally, I'm so pre-occupied with the Twins and Vikings, that I don't have time to think about the winter. But the Twins are all but done, and the Vikings are setting up to be the worst team in the NFC North. So I literally have nothing better to do than complain about the winter....

Don't mind me, I'm just listening to this DMX record. Get at me dog.

I should really head over to Target field this week and catch one of the last home games before the season is completely over....

I also need to get back to writing this book. I picked it up to begin re-writing it last week, and it is absolutely horrible. The story jumps all over the place! I should really just sit down in a quite place and knock out a few chapters.

Well, I need to head back to my couch and fight this Rhinovirus in some hand-to-hand combat.

Buenos Nachos

2011-08-23T19:29:00.002-05:00

I've decided to interject random comparisons into everyday conversations with people. For instance, some people might say "that's the pot calling the kettle black" or "it takes one to know one". But I like mine to be so obtuse yet realistic, that it confuses people.

Like today, someone was complaining about how the Twins are having a poor season. My response: "Sometimes you gotta be the dumps to come out like Apollo Creed". This works two-fold. 1, it's complete B.S. The phrase makes no logical sense whatsoever. 2. It does have some merit. The Twins are currently in the dumps, and Apollo Creed was the boxing champ that pummeled Rocky. So it sortaaaaaa makes sense. In the end, my goal of puzzling my peer was achieved.

So here are some more random thoughts. Happy Tuesday

-Is it just me, or do knees look really creepy when someone is just standing?

-I should start a new trend. Instead of tweeting, let's start faxing one another

-I wonder if Drew is reading this?

-I'm not a fan of The Game, but I've been banging "Ricky" quite a bit today

-Remember, no matter how bad it get's, you're still better off than someone fatter than you

-I can't believe the MN State Fair is upon us. It is the unofficial end of Summer. Like most warm seasons here, it has come and gone much too quick

-I'm hungry. I need some scrambled eggs

-Steve is dead to me. Well, maybe not ALL the way dead. More like a zombie to me

There and Back Again

2011-07-02T08:40:00.002-05:00

So for no better reason than "just because", Kristen and I decided to take a trip to Milwaukee and Chicago to watch some baseball. I have to say that Twins fans are a group of dedicated people. As soon as we were about 45 minutes into Wisconsin, almost every car with a Minnesota license plate had a person in it with a Twins jersey (obviously on the same quest as us).

Miller Park: I've never seen tailgating like this. Miller Park puts even Vikings tailgating to shame. There were thousands upon thousands of people partying in the lots, but never had any intention of going into the game. It was great. And the best part, is that many of them were Twins fans!

Chicago was another story. I often forget how big the city is, and how horrible the traffic is around rush hour. Either way, we used the train 95% of the time. One thing that struck me as odd was the lack of hobos that are downtown. If you take a stroll down Nicollet Ave. in Minneapolis, most of the people are homeless. In San Francisco, you step over more hobos than drains! But in Chicago, I only saw a few. Being homeless in Illinois must pay very well......

On a random note, my uncle just became a mayor. Now I can truly say that I am some kind of political liability.

Sidenotes:

-15 years ago, De La Soul put out Stakes is High. To this day, it is one of my favorite albums of all time. It will be on repeat all weekend.

-MLB The Show 11 is way too addicting for my own good.

-Happy 4th. Since it is so nice out, I will be peddling on these Minneapolis streets most of this weekend. Chuck up a deuce when you see me.

Where does time go

2011-06-23T21:25:00.002-05:00

Last time we spoke Lebron James was the king of the universe. Now, he's just another loser. It's amazing the things that can happen in a few months! I feel like I should check in here more often. People are always like "Yo Jon B, when you gonna get back up on that blog"? And I'm like "Listen homeless guy I've never met, please leave me be". But that's how life goes sometimes.

I tried to write a book. It failed. I think it's ok, but could use a lot of room for improvement. It started off as a comedy, but turned into something kinda depressing.....

Other than that, I'm planning on some fun trips--Chicago, Milwaukee and Italy (not in one fell swoop). Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away. Minneapolis is great, but there's something about being in a place where no one knows who you are (let alone cares). Places like Des Moines, and Buffalo--you know, foreign destinations.

Funny story though: I used to go to high school with this one guy. Now in high school, this guy was THE man. All the ladies were into him and he was a pretty fresh dude. I got into a fight with him when we were in 4th grade, and I beat him up. I never let him forget that, and he hates me to this day. Anyway, I'm at the Mall of America the other day, and I saw him working at the Select Comfort store selling mattresses. Funny how things like that work out. I thought he'd be a CEO by this time. I had to laugh a little.....

I'll try to be a better blogger--I promise! But I gotta run to bed. It's dark in Minneapolis.

Royal Pains

2011-04-30T08:48:00.003-05:00

I tried. I really tried to like the Royal wedding. But when I woke up at 5:30 and somehow hoped to catch a glimpse of actual news, I was bombarded with Royal wedding video. I just want the weather! What is the temperature going to be in Minneapolis today? What is the traffic like? I have no idea! Wowzers. My whole day was thrown off. I wore shorts (it was 42 degrees out) and drove on the most congested freeway in town all because my morning news was hacked by the British.

Oh well. At least the Twins are in 1st place in the weakest division in baseball right? What? They're in 3rd?? We have 2 MVP's! How can we be behind the Indians (minus Rick Vaughn aka Wild Thing) and the Royals (minus Zach Grenke)?? What is this world coming to......

What is wrong with you?

2011-03-05T09:02:00.003-06:00

I just had a very in depth conversation with some crazy lady about the smell of cooking bacon. I am under the VERY firm belief that the two best things you smell are fresh popcorn and bacon while it's cooking. This nutty lady was adamant about how bacon is the absolute WORST smell in the world. Mind you, this was a random lady and I don't even know how we got on the topic. Needless to say, I was glad to part ways with such a basket case.

In completely unrelated news, I finally succumbed to peer pressure and bought a new softball glove for this coming season. I'm quite excited about the 3 possible leagues I will be in. Rookie of the year last year, MVP this year.

Also, if you get the chance to eat at Fogo de Chao, go for it. But go for lunch because the dinner is uber expensive.

Until next time.

-JB

2010 Recap (sort of)

2010-12-31T10:09:00.004-06:00

Yikes. We're still trying to dig ourselves out of two feet of snow that has fallen over the past week....So a lot of cabin fever going on.

I can't believe that 2010 is over. I wish I could look back on the year and make a claim that I did something important or changed the world somehow. Instead, I peer back into the last 365 days and I can say a few (very unimportant) things were done:

I rode a lot. Every winter I long for my bicycle. That might sound weird to some folks. But I actually love riding through the streets for any occasion. If the trip is less than 15 miles, I might take my bike instead of driving. Minneapolis is starting to be built for bike heads, and that's a good thing. And if I really wanted to, I could change the tires, layer up and trudge through the icy streets.

I got a new job. I spent the last nine years at one job, doing something I semi-enjoyed. But I left for lots more money and 9-5 hours. In the long run it will be what was best, but there are days when I look out my office window in the summer and wish I had the days free to out enjoying the weather.

I've done a bit of growing up over the past year. I spend less and less time spending time in train yards and searching out vacant buildings to paint in. Most people my age have families and huge responsibilities. And to a degree, so do I. But there comes point (or two) where you realize you are too old to be doing something. That moment came when I ran into a group of 15 year old kids who have never heard of Wasp, Neva, Kahn, Monk or Kept. So I've slowly given up on getting up.

2011 will definitely be interesting. I plan to get more traveling done. Three spots that I plan to see this year are Tuscany, San Francisco (been too long since I've seen Mike Boo) and Denver. And every year I tell myself I will get together with friends more often. Somehow, life gets in the way of doing what is fun. I can't remember the last time I tied one on over the weekend. And to be honest, the best Friday nights are the one spent on the couch with my wife drinking wine and having our inside jokes.

Peace out.

Happy Skansgiving

2010-11-28T18:15:00.002-06:00

Oh my oh my. It has been FAR too long since I had time to get on here and dilly dally. A few quick updates as to why: My most favorite laptop died on my and I spent the last month trying to find a replacement--enter a desktop. I never thought a desktop would fit what I needed, but it sure has. Being that it is football season, I have been busy trying to keep my wits about me with the current Vikings fiasco. Needless to say, the season hasn't been the best yet. And the new job keeps me busy beyond belief. But, I love it.

With all that said, I'll make a more conscious effort to be on here more. And with winter upon us, the days in the house will be more and more frequent.

Peace out homies.

-Jon B

Falling out the window

2010-10-02T09:06:00.002-05:00

Fo Rizzeal? Has it really been three months since my last post?? What is this world coming to!!!!
Well prior to contrary belief, I have not joined a cult. Just the red and khaki corporation. Needless to say, cooperate life is busier than previously thought--but I dig it like six feet!!
Once I start doing fun stuff again (and having the genius machine turned on) I'll start posting more.
But I will leave you with three things:
1. Shop at Twill at the Galleria -- best menswear by far.
2. Eat at Forepaugh's -- tasty, tasty, tasty food.
3. Get out on your bike. You know you want to. You know those pedals are calling. You know the sound of tires whizzing by parked cars is like a soundtrack to the summer. Go for it.

Dear Summer,

2010-06-06T09:26:00.002-05:00

I love Minneapolis and I love Summer. Which means that the past few days have been ideal. Currently I'm missing being active. Why? Because I'm nursing a sprained LCL from a softball injury. I was supposed to be a few weeks into training for the TwinCities Marathon, but I'm hanging out with a brace on my knee.
In other news, the new job is awesome. The people on my team are the best. The culture of the company is really different from my last, so that's taking some getting used to.
But it's Grand Old Day in St. Paul today. The largest one-day festival in the Midwest. Hopefully it stays dry enough for me to ride down there.
That's all for now. I'll post more when I get some free time.....

A Spring in the step

2010-04-22T07:52:00.002-05:00

There really is something about Minneapolis in the Spring. The windows get opened, the lakes get busy with runners and I find myself in the house making podcasts.....sigh. And not only that, I spend WAY too much time trying to edit the darn thing....I'm not all that savvy when it comes to the audio stuff, but it does the trick. I hate that the site only allows me to hold 2 hours worth of stuff and then I need to delete it to upload more. So download it to itunes, save it on the ipod, and in less than a month, there will be new shows.
P.S. Thanks for all the people who are listening and sending in questions/comments to the show.

And on a different note, I got a new job. I've been at my previous one for quite a while, and I made the decision to move on to bigger, better things. And the new salary isn't half bad either.

Oh, oh, and since it's so nice, I think I'll go enjoy the weather and run a quick 10 today.

Sorry the post is so short.

Check the show:
http://twincitiesgreatest.podbean.com/

Photo this, photo that

2010-04-14T08:32:00.004-05:00

So when did the camera phone become the staple in photography? It seems everywhere I go, people are taking pictures of buildings, people, landscapes, monuments and events with a camera phone. What happened to the days when you needed to load film to a camera, take the picture (have no clue how it turned out) then develop the film? Heck, or even to use a regular digital camera to take pictures.
*I like digital cameras because I like to reminisce immediately* -Mitch Hedberg.
Sure, I get that camera phones are handy because they go wherever you do. But if you see a group of photogs out flicking the sculpture garden in downtown Minneapolis, and you whip out your camera phone, you deserve the sneering that comes along with it.

In other news, Target Field is the most awesomest thing to happen in a long time. It feels great to watch the Twins outside instead of in that dome thing we called a stadium.

One year more

2010-02-20T09:10:00.004-06:00

Another year has passed, and another birthday has come and gone. Every year I try to reflect on things that I should be doing at this age. I should own my own cooperate conglomerate bent on wold domination or at least have a lemonade stand that only sells orange juice.
I can't believe it's my 10 year high school reunion already. Granted, I would say that I'm more successful than most of the people I went to high school with, but with going to the school I did, that's not saying much. Pretty much everyone I was close with then, I'm close with now. There are a few people I'd like to see, but not enough to make a real-life effort.
In other news, Heidi's' restaurant was on fire the other day and won't be open for quite a while. What a shame! That was one of the best restaurants in Minneapolis!
I wonder what the next birthday posting will bring? Maybe I finally find that nemesis I've been looking for, maybe I'll find a cure for whooping cough--wait, I think that already happened, or maybe I'll finally ride my bike to the border....

Tales from the Rails. Part 2. Ice Ice Baby

2010-02-06T11:40:00.009-06:00

Oh wow. What an ending to a night. And since when did Home Depot stop being 24 hours??

So the time is around 1am after a GREAT night with friends. I needed to be up Saturday morning at 7. So going home seems to be the clear choice for for most folk. However, I am not most folk. After much talking and ranting about painting throughout the night (thanks Drew), I got the bug. Since I wasn't too far from Home Depot, I shot over there to get some paint.

But alas, the doors were shut. Since when did Home Depot stop being 24 hours?!? Well, the next best spot is WalMart. So I stop over there and came across some misplaced paint. **sidenote--there are some NUTTY people at WalMart at 2am**.

Since I didn't feel like driving all over the place looking for a spot, I decided to head to this wall down by the river that I hadn't been to before. Now finding a place--at night--in deep snow--with no sense of direction isn't the best decision I've ever made. Case and point: I was trying to walk down the steep banks by the bluffs and literally fell and slipped on ice almost the whole way down. Well, I made it to the bottom with no broken bones.

Now comes the tricky part: find this spot in the pitch black of night. Well, I can sort of hear the river, so I just walk towards it. Lewis and Clark better watch out.

Well, as I'm trying not to step on a bear or knock my head into a tree, I managed to find a knee deep water hole that has somehow managed to battle mother nature and remain semi-unfrozen. A wise person would have back stepped backwards to dryer ground, but I took another step and got my other leg wet. My next thought was to forget this whole plan and get out of here. As I'm walking back, I noticed 2 things: My pants and shoes are ice crystals from above the knee down, and I'm lost. I managed to get turned around in these woods, and have NO CLUE where I am. I'm really starting to remember why I dislike St. Paul..... (the picture is pretty much where I was, just imagine it being pitch black, with no lights anywhere).

Fast forward 40 minutes: I get myself up to a road. Now I have no idea what road it is, or how I can get back to my car. And I'm freezing! I start walking up this random road and a car pulls up behind me after a while. I'm thinking "Ok, I'm either going to get robbed or arrested at this point". The car stops and there is an Australian guy asking me directions. It turns out he is completely lost. He was looking for Downtown Minneapolis for some hotel, and he managed to get down by Fort Snelling somehow. He explains that he has been driving around for almost an hour, and keeps getting stuck in a loop, and could use some help. Now being the genius I am, I offer my immediate directions in return for driving me to find my car. Before I get in the car, I double checked the backseat for an ax. Ok, this guy is probably not going to kill me--I should be ok.....

We somehow get on the subject of my backpack, and as I'm going through the contents, I noticed that I have 2 CD's I was supposed to give Drew! For shame Jon!!!! Needless to say we put them in and bumped some good rap while we search for my car. But I don't think he liked my consistent Crocodile Dundee jokes.

We drove around for about 20 more minutes before we come across some familiar sights, and I was able to navigate to my car. And I have to say, I LOVE FLOOR HEATERS. So we get out of St. Paul and the guy (who turns out is named Braydon), follows behind me to Downtown to the Double Tree (where his friends/family were staying). We said our goodbyes and went about our business. It still seems really, really strange and random that we met up....

One of these days, I'll learn my lesson, and stick with the group. I always seem to get into odd situations when I go off and decide to do my own thing. Things would have been much warmer, safer and less Australian had I stayed and Tailgated. But then I wouldn't have had a small story to tell.

But a sidenote or two...
-Adam Levine. The Doppleganger.
-Tracy Morgan is too funny in 30 Rock.
-Meeting new people is not as bad as once thought.
-It is too cold to run 15 miles outside.
-Some people really creep me out.
-Coffee: The necture of gods.
-I miss my friends that moved away. I sometimes wished they would move back here.

Mike Cooper

2010-02-03T13:49:00.006-06:00

When someone passes away, there comes that moment of emptiness after you hear. Thoughts about the last thing you said to them, the last laugh you had, and the last time you said "see you later".
When I heard the very unfortunate news this morning that Mike Cooper passed on, I thought about all of that...I'm still thinking about all of that. Mike meant a lot of things to a lot of people. During my high school years, Mike was one of my closest friends. After high school, people grow apart, but we kept in touch from time to time. Looking back now, I wish I would have stayed in closer contact.
Hearing the phone calls from everyone today reminded me that I need to stay in touch with people more often. That "see you later" can be a week, month, year, or in some sad cases, never again.
Mike was one of my favorite people that I've had the pleasure of knowing in my life. At first glance, he came off with a rock-hard exterior. But for those that knew him, knew that on the inside he was pure silly-putty. To this day, he was one of the nicest, most reliable guys I've ever known.
I can honestly say that knowing Mike has shaped who I am today. I never got the chance to tell him that. I wish I could rewind 24 hours to just give him a call.
I can also say I have no bad memories of Mike. No fights, no arguments, nothing. Every memory I have of him is good. Even though he threatened to beat me up one day because I kept tagging the bathroom where he worked--and he had the duty of ALWAYS having to clean it up. And sometimes I would tag it just so he had to clean it.
I'll never forget all those Saturday nights at Nokomis Lanes. Or how hard he laughed when he would see me with a pool cue (not the whole stick, just the bottom part--in case something went down). Or how the bus drivers on the 23 route knew our first names. Or how the first time I met him, he tried to sell me shoe laces--and I actually bought some.
Mike is one of those people you rarely get to meet, and when you do, they leave an impression on your life forever.
We love you Mike. Always have, and always will

-Johnny B

Nu Joisey

2009-12-09T10:05:00.004-06:00

So it's official. Jersey Shore has to be the worst thing to happen to television since Homeboys In Outer Space. I made it about 5 minutes into the first episode (which was sent to me, not watched on my own merit) before I realized this was a trap. My friend who shall remain nameless (*cough cough* Ryan) billed it as "Like the Real World, but for Italians". The show is about as Italian-relevant as Tommy Davidson selling P'Zones for Pizza Hut.
In a follow up email I received, it seems as though UNICO is trying to get the show banned. And Dominoes and other advertisers have dropped the endorsements for the show.....
I think I need a flu shot after watching the 5 minutes....

It's been a good trip.

2009-11-05T08:44:00.003-06:00

But, we need to stop the ride eventually. Well, sort of. I will be bringing my bloggerness to Minneapolis Metblogs.

Don't get me wrong, I'll still be back to post nutty stuff that would probably raise eyebrows elsewhere, but the majority of my weekly stuff will be there from now on...

Feel free to hop along and join in on this!

http://minneapolis.metblogs.com/

Ups and Downs

2009-10-12T14:40:00.003-05:00

So there is a new restaurant in Brooklyn Park--Sweet Basil. Now most Asian restaurants that open up are some hole in the wall dives with very questionable buffets (at least in the Twin Cities). Not Basil though. It's not the typical Thai place either. If you didn't know where it was, you would probably drive right by it. The decor is plain and basic, the service isn't top notch (though it's far from bad), but it's the food that keeps it open. When I went, I started out with some basic egg rolls and a cream cheese wontons. Both were excellent on their own and large enough to warrant a meal. But the meal itself was a delicious sesame chicken. The chicken is coated in a thick, rich red paste sauce and topped with sesame seeds. It makes PF Changs version look like a school lunch.
The best part is going for lunch. On Monday-Friday, meals are almost half off (a bit smaller portions) but you also get an egg roll.

In other news this week, the Twins saw the absolute highs and lows of a season. On Tuesday, they had a one-game playoff with the Tigers. Though I had the worst seats I've ever had at the Dome, the game was...how do we say...epic. I've never seen a crowd get so amped up for a game. And the game was by far, one of the best I've ever seen. Live or on TV.

After we beat Detroit in 12 innings, we were swept by the Yankees. It seems only fitting I guess. Now we can make way (really) for Target Field.

I also saw Paranormal Activity. Let's just say I really thought about sleeping with some lights on and both feet remained under the covers all night. Go out and see it. It's a pretty good October flick.

Sidetrip: To Napa and back

2009-09-15T20:34:00.010-05:00

As someone who enjoys wine, a trip to Napa was long overdue. I can't really begin to explain how unique it is to drink wine while literally looking at the grapevine it came from. I highly recommend it. The wineries we were able to see were: Chaundon Domain (which was actually pretty lame), V. Sattui, Black Stallion (which is owned by 2 guys from Minnesota), and Andretti winery. Our tour was given by the improve-school-dropout Jerry (a mirror image of Anthony Bourdain). We drank wine, ate grapes and took tons of pictures.

Yesterday was such a nice day in the Twin Cities, I decided to tool around both cities on the bike. Now, being a Minneapolis resident my whole life, I've had a really unfounded dislike for St. Paul. There is no real reason behind it, but I've always hated it's crooked streets, cool-ethnic-districts, Grand and Summit Ave. and it's high schools. While biking through the city, I realized two things: A) St. Paul is not as lame as once perceived. B) I really need to dig deeper into what St. Paul is all about. But that journey is for a later date.
Another thing I noticed (mostly downtown Minneapolis), was the amount of people that need some advice from yours truly. Let's help these folks out.

Dear white guy with dreadlocks listening to Bob Marley Legend in your car on Hennepin.
Your not a rasta. I'm assuming that Legend is the only Reggae choice in your selection. Bad move bumbaclot.

Dear very, very, very old man driving while on what seems to be a cell phone. Don't mind me on my bike, I'll just dodge into oncoming traffic while you weave back and forth down Lake street. By the way, did you know that your back passenger door is open and clothes are flying all over the road? Probably not...

Last week was spent hanging around another one of my favorite cities: San Francisco. The land of good coffee- Asian food- Italian delights, big bridges, Philz, trolley cars, Giants and Mike Boo. Kristen and I also took a side trip up to Napa for the day. I assumed it would be nice country, but it was much better than expected. Grape fields EVERYWHERE. Not cheap either. It was assumed that it costs about $500k per acre--and that's just average. The nicer locations go for over $1.5m!

In other unrelated news, Glee and Community have to be the two best shows to come on TV in a long time. I have no idea why, but I'm digging both of these!

Music in my head

2009-09-04T08:54:00.005-05:00

I've always had this idea that music can bring back memories like scent can. I even helped out a friend with a psychology masters thesis about it. Certain songs can literally make you feel in a certain place.

Anyway, I'm minding my business, walking along Portland Ave., and a car comes by playing "It's Dark and Hell is Hot". Not exactly a record that I play a lot today, but when I was in 10th grade, I played it ALL THE TIME. And not only me, Dan Contin and me used to play the whole album while we played Twisted Metal on Playstation.
And it got me to thinking about how cool summer used to be. In school, you got 3 months off. Sure, you may have had a part time job at a department store or sub shop, but that was it. 3 months to do...well, whatever you wanted! I should really consider taking all summer off my job one year. A leave of absence for mental relaxation. Instead, I spend all day working away. Not enjoying Minnesota summers should be illegal. Our days are the best. And the fact that Winter is so killer, Summer should be held in a higher regard than it is.
Oddly enough I'll be spending full days (open to close) bopping around the Mall of America. Call it a social experiment of sorts. I'm not sure what I want to accomplish with it, but it could go really fun and interesting, or horribly boring. I'm guessing it will be the latter.
Book #3 is under way also. Not 100% sure where it's going, but it does involve a heated rivalry between the newspaper food critic, and the local TV stations' food critic.

A Splendid Day

2009-08-31T07:01:00.004-05:00

So Kristen and me went out to the State Fair yesterday. And the geek in me came out in full. The main reason for going was to get my book signed by Lynne Rossetto Kasper from The Splendid Table. I try to listen to the program every Saturday and podcast it all the time. We chatted for a bit, and also got a picture.....and then presumed to over eat all the good food.

So my summer work schedule is FINALLY over. Working 11-14 hours a day doing a job that you're not exactly jazzed about doing can be very stressful. Now it's back to normal--which means more cooking, writing, running and random acts of Jon-ness.

15 days left

2009-08-10T11:31:00.003-05:00

If all goes well, I will be back on, and back to normal in about 15 days. The day I'm aiming for is August 29th. It has been a LONG summer with no free time to do anything. I've tried about 4 times to get up to Duluth to visit Mike, but either flash floods or work has gotten in the way.....Thankfully August is usually a fast month--right??

It's on

2009-07-17T09:25:00.002-05:00

Maybe not on like Donkey Kong, but it's definitely on. It's about 12 weeks away for the TwinCities Marathon. Enough time for me to get back into the swing of things. So, tomorrow will be the first 12 mile run of the season. The next week, I should fill out the official registration form for the race.

In unrelated news, I'm still WAY too busy at work to be on here. But come Labor Day, look for more.

Legends of the fall

2009-07-01T11:18:00.003-05:00

So I stumbled across a story by Chicago Public Radio titled "The Fall Guy". It was a collection of stories of people who, in a sense, have taken the fall for something. It was actually quite interesting. The first story however, got me thinking. It was about an Irish hood in Boston who would always take the rap for his buddies. It seems as though that personality trait is not as existent these days. As are some other things. I don't know a whole lot of people (outside my group of friends) who would take the heat for someone, just for the fact of not ratting them out.
It was a thing my father taught me at a young age (obviously not my father and me in the picture). Never rat out your friends. It's one thing if you witness a crime and you answer some questions. But never blatantly tell on a friend.

There seem to be quite a few things that fathers aren't teaching young lads these days. In fact, most fathers aren't teaching anything. So I decided to ponders some of these things and compile a short list......

1. Never rat out a friend.
2. Everyone is going to commit a crime at some point in time. This may be speeding, stealing a candy bar, or bank robbery. Don't commit crimes against people. It's one thing to swipe a ipod from Best Buy, it's another thing to knock down an old lady and take hers.
3. Hold open doors. Not just for good looking women, but for elderly, children and yes, even dorky guys.
4. Read. Read. Read. Put down that XBOX and pick up a book. And I mean a good book. Skip the Twilight and Harry Potter and grab Ulysses or Huck Finn.
5. Learn to cook. Taking the time to prepare, cook and serve food makes it so much better than someone else doing it. Have at least 5 good dishes you can whip out whenever the need arises.
6. Write a handwritten letter whenever possible. Emails and texts are fine, but there's just something about someone writing you something.
7. Don't waste time hating political people/commentators. Sure, most politicians are idiots. But nobody cares what you think about Obama, Palin or anyone else. Keep your thoughts about religion and politics to yourself.
8. Learn the names of the members of the Supreme Court. They make some of the most important decisions in our country. You should at least know their names.
9. Enjoy classical music. Go see a concert (preferably outdoors). And take some time to relax. I know it sounds corny, but put some music on, have some nice red wine, food and chill. There's nothing better than all of your senses going at once.
10. Travel. And travel like a traveler. Don't go to a different country and stay at the Holiday Inn and only eat Mcdonalds. Challenge yourself to be different and try different things. If something isn't to your liking, change your liking. Sure, the sites are good, but spend time living "Like the Romans do". Eat at small shops, and enjoy the cities and countries for what they have to offer. If it wasn't for Mike, I would have taken a trolley car all over San Francisco and never had the experience I did. The best way to see London was from the back of a bike--ok, a scooter.
11. Have a passion. Whether that's gearing, skiing, reading or painting. Have something that you enjoy doing that can ease stress.
12. Take time to be alone. Go out in the woods or something for a weekend alone. It's amazing what you might find.
13. Buy lemonade from a kids' stand whenever possible.
14. Listen to records once in a while. They sound better, and let's face it--are better on any given day than your ipod.
15. Remember those kids games you used to play?? Play them again. Get some people together for some dodgeball or kickball. Your inner child is dying to get out....

Never can say goodbye

2009-06-26T08:47:00.005-05:00

Wow. It's hard to believe that Michael Jackson died. As a young lad, the first dance and song I ever learned was Beat It. Regardless of his odd personal life in the later years, he is the music icon of my generation. We never had the Rolling Stones (well, technically), Elvis, The Beatles or James Brown. We had Michael. There is not a one of us that didn't get down to Thriller, Smooth Criminal or Billy Jean. I think we got so wrapped up in his oddness, that we forgot how talented this guy was. Now, all we have are records and memories.

Oh the Minnesota DMV

2009-06-19T10:30:00.003-05:00

So I get my new drivers licence in the mail yesterday. And for some reason, the DMV is only capable of taking photos that make you look like some kind of creep. My photo makes me look like a stalker or something....

Wow. These posts have been few and far between. Once September 5th comes around, the posts will get more frequent.

Words of Twin Cities Wisdom

2009-06-03T10:49:00.003-05:00

-I'm a recovering alcoholic. Mostly in the sense I drink in the mornings to recover from my hangovers.

-I fight with my girlfriends a lot about the future. They want a house and 2.5 kids, and I think Corey Feldman will destroy the earth in 2025.

-I've been looking into real estate lately. The Minneapolis cops call it "peeping"

-20 is the age of consent in Germany. I'm guessing NEIN-teen was a little confusing.

-According to G.I. Joe, knowing is half the battle. I'm guessing the other half is guns, bombs and explosive stuff.

-If you can only trust people as far as you can throw them, then I distrust all fat people, and trust babies A LOT.

Most of these were forwarded on to me.

Happy Wednesday.
-JB

Quick post

2009-06-01T10:49:00.002-05:00

So I'm trying to do small, quick posts to make up for lost time! Anywho, someone sent me this picture this morning with the line "which one doesn't fit". Needless to say, it didn't take long....

Embarrasing moment # 17,298

2009-05-31T20:31:00.002-05:00

When you see a girl at the gym obviously doing ab exercises, walking up and in the best Mix-A-Lot voice, saying "You can do side bends and sit ups, but please don't lose that butt". The appalled look you will receive will be both rewarding, and embarrassing.
-JB

I see London, I see France.....

2009-04-27T17:07:00.007-05:00

Does it get any trller than wine and a baguette at the Eiffel Tower at night with your spouse? Well, maybe the triple lindy is triller, but that's about it.

Any who, after being stranded in Chicago for 2 days, Kristen and I managed to make it to Europe. First, London for a day, then the train to Paris for 3, then back to London for 3. I really wish I had my bicycle for the trip. There is a following there that is nuts!

Heck, sometimes I just like to ponder the things in life....

And of course, the London eye.

Of all the places I've been outside the country, London is definitely one that I could live in. Perhaps I will be back next year.

Cheers,

Oh wow

2009-04-05T09:00:00.002-05:00

So people send me all kinds of pictures, videos, quotes and such all the time. However, this kid was sent to me on Friday, and it creeps me out.

In Final Four news, I'm quite happy that Michigan is in the finals. Since Minnesota couldn't make it out of the first round, and North Dakota and Wisconsin didn't fair well either, Michigan is the closest thing to a "home team".

So my plans to bike for a while today was thwarted by this snow.
Dear March,
Wow, I'm not quite sure how to say this. We had a good run. But I have to be honest. It's not you, it's me. Really. We were nothing more than a spring fling. I was in a strange place in my life, and you only come around once a year. Oh who am I kidding, you and I were never meant for each other. I enjoy bikes and running outside. You're all about cloudy days and lingering snow. I think it's best for us to part ways and move on. Sorry. We'll still be friends right? I'll still keep you on my calender--I promise.
-JB

Dear end of April weather,
How you doin'? giggity!
-JB

So if all goes to plan, in two weeks I'll be sitting in jolly old England sipping tea and crumpets. I'll be picking up my new camera this week so I can actually take some decent pictures while in Europe.

Jay Culter a Bear?? I was really bummed when he left Denver, hopefully this works for him.

Stupid Yankees beat the Cubs......

I can't wait for the baseball season to get into full swing. Thankfully the Twins will be out of that dome at the end of the regular season (because they have no shot at the playoffs this year).

I'm slowly planning a scheme. I mean the kind of scheme that takes 6 people sitting around a dimly lit round table with blueprints in the middle. The kind of scheme that will allow me to yell "45 seconds left" during the act. The kind of scheme that needs 6 people with odd traits to pull off (the tech guy, the muscle, the brains, the guy with an eye patch). Mostly, I just want to climb around in some heating ducts with a helmet flashlight, wearing all black. I've been watching too many movies......

Peace out.
-JB

Hop the bandwagon

2009-03-23T10:48:00.006-05:00

So I was coaxed into the Twitter world by random friends at NPR over the weekend. Check it here: http://twitter.com/twincitiesgreat I can't really believe that people update this thing multiple times a day. I'm lucky to get a one-a-day....

Remember that movie Vision Quest? I'm pretty sure it starred Jake Ryan as a Native American wrestler who wasn't actually Native American....Anywho, it was on over the weekend and I forgot how good this 80's flick was! I like how the cove doesn't really have anything to do with the movie either.

In other news, I'm currently #1 in 2 different NCAA brackets. The Locals, and Swishyville! Though when we get the sweet 16 I will be falling to about 3rd and 4th place. Darn you West Virginia!

I spent way too long in Barnes and Noble the other day looking for a new book. I didn't find anything good. That is one of the few times that has happened....

It also seems as though something is missing in Minneapolis these days.....Hmmmm, I can't quite put my cherry, err, my finger on it. It really does look different these days in the sculpture garden. It sure is nice to see the snow leaving the city.

Well I better be getting off to the grocery store. I need some pita bread.
-JB

Wok this way

2009-03-17T14:26:00.007-05:00

So for no real reason other than being bored and hungry, I broke out the wok today (obviously in a St. Patricks mood). I'm not exactly a wiz with it yet, but I can sizzle up some tasty meals. I dug out some chicken, fish sauce, soy sauce, basil, garlic, Serrano peppers, red peppers and some sriracha.

Mashing up the garlic and Serrenos.

No household should be without at least one bottle of the sauce! It's great on everything: Chicken, burgers, Chinese food, mashed potatoes (well, maybe not potatoes).

And the finished product....After some brown rice and bok choy, this was one hell of a meal.

In other news, we finally got up in the 60's yesterday. It's nice to finally open widows and go out without a coat on. But fear not, we'll be in the 20's next week.

And while biking, my backpack tore open and it's shot now. So I have to find a new bag. I think a Trash Bag would work just fine--thanks to Damien for the tip.

Well, that's about it.....

MSN should stick to the net

2009-03-01T09:38:00.006-06:00

So as I was doing some web based research (see "Lafours from Mallrats other roles"), and I came upon an article from MSN about the worst movies made by celebrities. Ok, now Crossroads (Spears version, not Macchio), The Hottie and the Nottie, From Justin to Kelly all deserve to be on the list. But one of their top flops was the cinema classic--Cool As Ice. If I remember correct, this film was in hot contention with Silence of the Lambs for movie of the year. And I'm pretty sure Vanilla Ice almost beat out Anthony Hopkins for best actor. As a kid, I had this soundtrack on my walkman all day! I also had pants that looked exactly like the Ice mans......Sad to say, but true.

But one movie they chose to leave off the list, was the classic flick Disorderlies starring the Fat Boys. I loved this show.....I wish the Fatboys would do some kind of comeback.

In other internet worthy notes, I got some goofy virus or something on the computer last week. So I've been out of commission for a while. But it appears as though I'm back. Whew!
Well, that's about all I have. Make sure to check out the Punk Rock Prom coming up!

The waiting game

2009-02-26T10:03:00.005-06:00

So it's supposed to snow about a half a foot in Minneapolis today. This past weekend we were in the 30's (and sunny). People were out in just sweatshirts. Just when I think Spring is on its way, it gets freezing cold and snowy again.

But in unrelated news, we finally found a good place to stay in France this year. London was a lock, but Paris was kinda iffy. I've been doing some research on odd stuff to do there, and there are all kinds of crazy stories about scams and swindlers. I sort of want to run across them, but if it involves them snatching my camera, I'd rather not. It can't be worse than broad day car jackings in Brazil (circa 2001). I just need to make sure I set aside a wine fund to ship boxes upon boxes back......

And it looks like Target Field is coming along pretty good for the Twins. I drive past it almost every week and it's starting to look like a real stadium. The best part of this whole deal? Kristen's office is in one of those buildings RIGHT by the field. From her window I can look right down into the field. Say hello to a few lunch breaks during day games!

I wish there was more going on in the Twin Cities to talk about, but it's been pretty slow this week. Well, it's off to get a pistachio muffin and some coffee before the snow hits.

Oh the colds

2009-02-19T13:15:00.004-06:00

So it was going to happen sooner or later. The winter cold. Yesterday it hit in full effect and looks to keep me down for my birfday. I hate taking medicine, so I resort to liquids and age-old remedies. So needless to say, I'll be off here for a while. Back to bed with a sore head and runny nose....

Same time next year

2009-02-09T10:37:00.005-06:00

Every year around this time, I have to go through and do the taxes. It's like changing the oil on your car-you know you have to do it, and it will probably get messy. I'm not sure why there is a mouse in this picture by the way. The only good thing about doing taxes is getting money back. Sure, we already paid it, and you know you got hosed to begin with, but you have to pretend to be oblivious to that, and be in joy at the fact that the government is giving me money back.

**Breaking news**
Brett Favre retired--again. I suppose it was for the best this year. It's too bad he couldn't stick with it last year and gone out as a Packer. I've gotten about 15 texts in the past 10 minutes about this......Jordan and the Wizards, Montana and the Chiefs. Nobody will really remember the guy as a Jet anyway.

On to other notes. I'm going to start doing the video blogs every once in a while. For some reason, people have been egging me on to do them again.....

Thoughts from an 11th grader part one

2009-02-02T08:46:00.006-06:00

When I was in 11th grade, we had a school activity where we were supposed to present "something we were good at". Now I really tried to ponder this (due to my insationable desire to over-analyze things). I racked and racked my brain for hours on this. And I coulnd't think of anything. As I sat there and listen to class mates talk about how they could shave, play basketball, do math and so on, I was getting worried that I was going to receive an F on this project. As I walked in front of my class with my "me > you" shirt (which I still think is clever but most people thought otherwise, I was still at a loss of what to say.

The teacher looks at me and asks "So Jon, what is it that you're good at"? I gave him a serious look and replied "After much consideration, I've come to the conclusion that I'm good at everything". Mr. Kennedy gave me a "here-we-go-again" sigh and asked me to elaborate. I explained that while I may not be an expert at photo taking, I was good at it. While I may not be drafted into the NFL out of high school, I was in fact, good at the sport. And while I may not be qualified to write a book about picking up ladies, I was good at it (I backed the last statement up with my ability to wow out of town girls at the Mall of America). And I probably cannot make you a quilt, I was good at cross-stitching (an elective activity I learned at Field School in the 6th grade along with Dan and Ryan--we figured it was an easy A). So I went on about a few other things I was decently good at, and wrapped up my presentation. The teacher sat there tapping his pencil against his lip for a few moments before replying "Mr. B, you're quite sure of yourself aren't you"? I thought about it and said I was. He then badgered me about how nobody could possibly be good at everything.

So to prove my grade-worthy ability, I opened a challenge. Everyone in the class could pick a task, I would try my hand at it, and if I failed at the task, we could assume that I was not good at everything. If however I did not fail (only marginally succeeded), I would receive an A. This actually ate up almost a full weeks of English class. So to break it down, here were tasks I was good at:
Breakdancing
Beatboxing
Jump rope
Quadratic Equations
Jenga
Guess Who
Writing limericks and haiku's

But, there were in fact things I was not good at......
The Oboe
Dunking a basketball (though 5'5 at the time, it was no wonder)
Making things out of clay on a wheel

So the moral of this trifle story is that I have too much time on my hands......

One thing I wish I would have done in my life, was to win that SoapBox Derby race. You know the type: The big day is Saturday, if you want Suzie to like you--you'd better win, Banks McGee (the neighborhood bully) is also building a soapbox with oil spurts out of the back-spikes from the tires and weights in the front to go faster. **Sidenote** I think I will either make a short story about this odd past time, or make a funny movie this summer**

Another plan for this Winter, is to take a retreat. There are these one-room cabins in the middle of the North Woods. No electronics, no phones, no modern things at all. You heat them with a wood stove, eat basic foods, and basically spend 48 hours alone to reflect. For some reason it sounds really appealing to me. Nothing but silence, snow and the crackle of a fire stove. Maybe I'll finish one of these books....

And on a final note, why do we have SO MANY useless talents? When we were hunters and gatherers, we needed talents to survive. But as we've evolved, we've acquired talents and skills that mean absolutely nothing. How is juggling going to help me defend a lion in the wild?? Maybe I can juggle some yarn and he would be memorised, but more than likely, he'll just eat me.
Now some talents help us in day to day activities (like the talent of talking and persuasive writing). But most talents are pointless. Another example of pointless talents would be imitations. Sure they make for a fun Friday night after a few drinks, and you convince a Holiday Inn clerk that you are Tony Danza, but it's pretty worthless. But weaving a basket out of birch bark might not be the smoothest party trick.
**New goal--find some kind of natural talent that would come in handy one day**

Actually, this is the final note: The other day I'm going to sleep, and on TV is Ski Patrol. No lie. At 2am it was on. I had to watch it out of respect for a bad movie. And it really is a bad movie. I can't believe we never watched this on Bad Movie Night. I'm busy searching Amazon for it on DVD now.

I'm not really sure why I liked the photo of the kid who is drinking out of the bucket instead of the hose, but I sorta struck me as something I would have done.

Daytime TV

2009-01-28T09:46:00.007-06:00

So now that school is over, I've been spending my days in different ways. One of those ways is skipping through daytime TV. Now, I have to imagine that the broadcasting is directed towards a certain type of demographic. Either stay-at-home-moms, unemployed persons, or people with nothing better to do on freezing cold days.

My conclusion is that 90% of it is for women. Now I'm not being sexist or anything, but when most of the shows are either cooking shows, or segments on how to loose weight in your thighs, I can determine that the 25 year old male is not who they're going after.

After watching daytime TV a few times now, I have to wonder: Are women really that unhappy, or are we making them unhappy? Case 1: Most television ads directed towards guys are about beer, girls, music and cars. Most television ads directed towards women are pretty much about how they're butts are too big, they eat too many calories, eyelashes aren't full enough, they can't be healthy without lean-cuisines, you can't cook properly--so here is a new oven mitt to help you or the always popular: trade in that gold ad.
Now I've noticed that most of the commercials directed towards women in the day are pretty much saying that that you're not perfect. And the only way for you to be perfect, is changing everything about you. Now most commercials directed towards guys go as follows: You're already pretty cool bro, but this product will make you cooler (and get you TONS of action).

**Sidenote** I actually had a friend who would use AXE body spray because he literally felt that by wearing it, he would attract women. I continually tried to tell him that the stuff smelled like a bad chemistry experiment, but he wouldn't believe me because he bought into those commercials. And he would never believe my argument that cologne/body sprays are meant to be done in small doses--more does not mean better. Case and point: If you can smell a perfume from across the room, it does not attract you like a magnet. But being close enough to smell a hint of perfume is...well....very attractive.

It's not like I'm re-inventing the wheel here. I'm sure people have found this same example and written lots of stuff on it. I just never noticed it until I was sucked into the world of daytime TV.

Working later in the day has certainly opened my eyes to a culture of people who I never knew anything about. I think the next group will be those who are retired. When I go to the gym at 9am, there are floods of moms and elderly people there. The old folks stay to themselves, but after their workout sessions, I stay away from the parking lot....If your're 90 years old, you probably shouldn't be on the roads.

So there are 2 new cool things going down lately:

1. I'm finally going to upgrade my camera to one that allows for better photos.
2. London and Paris in April. That's right folks, Kris and I will be hanging with some London blokes and French frogs in a few months. Hense the reason for upgrading the camera...

It's off to watch the Price is Right and Rachael Ray.

Hey there

2009-01-19T14:36:00.008-06:00

For some reason or another, I've re-gotten into records. I spent most of the day today playing all sorts of vinyl. I guess it goes along with 2009s theme of being more traditional. The way I see it, if it was good enough for your grandpa, it's still good enough. I guess that's why I'm flirting with 80 year old women....but on to another topic.

So as males, have we given up on being gentleman? Being a teacher I certainly see the youth going away from it, but people in their 20's-40's, is what really surprises me. I'm not saying that we all walk around with the utmost manners, but there are certain things that have become a past time rather than common practice. Take for example a dinner gathering. How many people wait until everyone is seated until they start to eat? Not many. Or, if you're being introduced to someone, standing up to greet them? And what about opening doors for people? We honestly can't be in that big of a hurry to not allow someone to go before us. And how often do we take our hats off inside? My grandma used to smack the back of my head if I came into her house with my hat on-up until I was 24! She also used to make me stand up every time a female came, or left, a room. She told me it was rude to just sit there while a lady was coming or going--but when I do this now, people look at me funny. And it almost seems odd if you take out a chair for a woman. Where have our customs gone?? I don't really have an answer for this, but it does seem something that should be looked into. (*brain, file this away for later. Also, find that missing sock*). Maybe I'm the oldest 20-something out there, but hopefully not the only one that at least tries to practice correctness. I'm going back to listen to these old Dean Martin records now.

But take a look at these guys here. Nothing says cool like a fishbowl of pretzels and scotch. The 60's were much smoother than the first part of this century....

Why oh why

2009-01-13T07:51:00.005-06:00

Why on earth do I live here? That is the question I wrestle with on mornings like this. The temperature outside is -18 actual. That means it's about -35 with the windchill.

One of my favorite things to do while drinking coffee, is to watch the morning newscast and watch the traffic reports. There were 2 different sections of highway closed this morning due to black ice, crashes and rollovers. A normal commute of 20 minutes was a little over an hour today. I still don't understand how people here can't drive in the winter. It only happens EVERY year, yet 97% of the people forget how to handle snow and ice.....If you're driving and notice the road looks wet (and it's below 0), chances are it's ice! So slow down.

-I'm out.

50/50

2009-01-06T01:09:00.003-06:00

So to go with the theme from New Years, here's 50 oh-snaper-ific things about the one and only JB.

1. I am phenomenal at being alone. I mean I can do my own thing for weeks on end and never get bored. I can waste time better than anyone I know. I'll spend 3 hours at Barnes and Noble or 5 hours at the Art Museum and not even notice....

2. I once fell off a horse at camp....I hated every second of the ordeal. And now the story has become a favorite among house parties.

3. I have become quite good at taking public naps. I can snooze in the chair at the dentist office, buses, park benches, heck anywhere.

4. Teri Hatcher is really good looking. And not the Hatcher from Superman, but present day Teri. Which sort of leads me to #5.

5. Older women (not elderly) are usually much better looking than they get credit for. And for some reason, they always flirt with me at coffee shops, book stores and art showings....

6. Joose is great.

7. I'm the only person I know that still goes out and paints at least once a month. I thought those kids in high school would do it forever. It seems that it ended up being just me.

8. I could listen to Do You Want More!?!? ten times a day, and not get sick of it.

9. I enjoy bad movies. And not bad movies that are box office flops, but movies that were made for the intent of not being all that good (i.e. Ski School, Phantoms, Meatballs 4, Hollywood Hot tubs and Real Men). For some reason I really dig these flicks.

10. I also like celebrities that are no longer celebrities. Much like John Stamos, Patrick Swayze and Corey Feldman.

11. Once I found out how to shave properly (back in August of 08), it has become a small hobby. I'm looking for an old school razor from the 1940's right now. It used to be such a chore in the morning, but now I actually enjoy it. I guess it goes along with my monthly trip to the barber (yes, an actual barber, not Cost Cutters--straight razors and all).

12. Sideways is one of the most influential movies I've ever watched. Before that movie, I though I was the only one under the age of 40 that enjoyed wine. Later, I've come to find quite a few people. But I dislike hanging out with wine snobs. If it's good, drink it. I don't really admire the fact that you can pick out how many different aspects are in the wine.

13. My table at wedding receptions is ALWAYS the fun table.

14. I really hate it when cheese burns the top of my mouth.

15. When watching Deal or no Deal, I always root for the person to do horribly. If someone offers me $250,000, I don't care what anyone says, I'd sell that million dollar case for some guaranteed money.

16. Back to the Future 2 was WAY off when they predicted the future. I want some quick-drying clothes and a hovercraft. Sidenote: Elizabeth Shue was really good looking.

17. Saying that I'm a semi-famous blogger doesn't sound as cool when you're at the bar....

18. Someone once told me that flat chested girls are like flat rocks--you skip em'. That is the kind of knowledge I received in 6th grade.

19. I kissed my first girl on the nose while playing hide-and-go-seek. I'm sure she still remembers it just as well as I do. Truth be told, I pretty much had a crush on her from Kindergarten to high school.

20. Whatcha' gonna do when Pun comes through? But really, one of the best days I've ever had was biking around San Francisco with Mike last summer. That's my kind of place on a bike.

21. One of the best moments from 2008 is when one of my students was convinced I couldn't rap. And then I had to show him up in front of his friends at a basketball game. He still emails me, and I'm helping him get into college this coming Fall.

22. I'm a nerd at heart. I have bookshelves filled with books about everything. From basic novels to classics. From Early Chinese history to Calvin and Hobbes. I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said "A best friend is one who gives me a book I haven't read". Very true.

23. One of these days I'm going to finish this novel I'm working on.

24. Back in the 8th grade, I made a promise to myself that whenever Bust a Move by Young MC came on, I would dance. Regardless of the situation I would in fact--bust a move.

25. Getting halfway on this list went much quicker than I thought it would.....

26. I wish I had more time to go to plays. I want to try to get to one every month this year, but I doubt it will happen.

27. Does it get any better than Summer in Minneapolis?? Biking through the city, the lakes, the Twins (in our new outdoor stadium). It is in fact, one of the greatest places on earth.

28. It's amazing the amount of people that come and go in our lives. Most of them don't leave a fingerprint, let alone a lasting impression. On the other hand, some become life long friends. And I'm convinced I have some of the freshest friends on the planet. I can go a month without talking to them, and pick up a conversation like we never left.

29. I honestly wonder how many people are going to read this list.......

30. Speaking of friends, it's amazing that most of those I consider to be closest friends, all moved away: San Francisco, Virginia, New York, Washington, Brazil and London. At least there are plenty of warm couches to lay when I travel.

31. Granted, high school wasn't that long ago, but when I run into girls I either dated or had crushes on and they don't look so good now--I have to smile. And I always think to myself "dodged a bullet on that one". And vice versa when they see me. I aways get the "Oh my god, you look different--we should get a drink sometime or something". Thanks but no thanks.

32. For some reason, I can always relate to Will in the movie About a Boy.

33. I played pee wee football with Joshua Jackson. He was the punter on our team. One day he stopped coming to practice. A few months later we all saw him in Mighty Ducks. And as we all know--moved out to Dawsons Creek.

34. In 3 years I will be running for city council in Minneapolis. Get your ballots ready. If there is a chance that I win, I'll be the youngest to do it....hopefully.

35. I always wanted to be a member of the Lambert family on Step by Step.

36. I dig nice bathrooms. You know, the kind where an old man is there to dry your hands. Now that's classy.

37. January 12, 2009 starts the triathlon training......hilarity will ensue (yet again). I think it's been about 3 years since the last one, so needless to say, I can't have any carry-over.

38. I'll pass on the Guitar Hero. Pass me the Mario 3.

39. I'm a huge Packers fan. Coming from Minnesota, that is quite taboo.

40. No one believes it, but I'm very shy at first. After a few minutes, you realize that I'm sometimes too animated for my own good.

41. I graduated from college with the Universities highest honors. I also graduated high school at #7 in my class (vandalism at night, homework in the day I guess). I still think there was a mix up with the papers.

42. I'm set on the fact that the best rap music was made between 1987 and 1996. After that, it all sort of went downhill (with a few exceptions).

43. I very much enjoyed my 4-6th grade camping trips to Long Lake. One time, Dan and Ryan fell out of a boat and almost froze to death...And then I pushed a kid into the bog. Ah, memories.

44. I don't care for really large crowds. But I do like to Christmas shop during the busiest times of the day/week. Go figure.

45. What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about????

46. One time during the winter months, I jumped on a moving train. My foot slipped through the ladder and I got dragged upside down for almost a block. I finally got loose and rolled on the ground from the momentum, ending up under the train itself. Luckily there were only 3 cars left and I ended up being ok. That was the single scariest point in my life, and I have not been back on a moving train since.

47. I talk to myself way too much when I'm alone.

48. I used to watch The Real World all the time. Well, until it got boring...Which was around 2003.

49. Why did the song Poison have to be so GREAT!?! BBD should make a comeback.

50. I hate texting. Mostly because I'm so horrible at it. Just give me a call.

Here's to you (crazy old blogger-lady)

2008-12-28T10:38:00.005-06:00

Even if this 60 year old lady reads this, I've already told her she is a crazy old blogger lady. So there's no hard feelings at all.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm typing away at the coffee spot, and there's an older (very crazy lady) also typing away. She keeps looking at me and finally comes over to chat. Apparently she is also an avid blogger and shows me her site (which I forgot). She asks about mine and looks at it. She then tells me how horrible it is, and that I should be writing about more important things (like kittens with yarn, 2010 calenders, itchy pillows and greeting cards). But she did give me an idea about some topics. One of those is the "50 of me" series. So basically I'll start up a post and go through 50 random facts about me.....She was CONVINCED that this is a humorous and entertaining idea, and won't be boring for those reading it.

So that will be the next post because I don't have that much time.....

I'm pretty pumped about some random book I got--"The story of Edgar Sawtelle". From what I've heard, it's a good one.

And today is going to be one of those dissapointing Sundays. The Jets and Vikings will probably miss the playoffs all together.

Speaking of random things, honey dijon chips are pretty good...

I've also become a huge fan of my wine decanter. It's the trillest thing since spendy glasses.

I need to get over this horrible cold. It was Joe Joe's Birfday yesterday, and I missed it all together because I was laid up with some Vicks!

So one of my ex students sent me a link to some "good music". Now my students are who keep me up and slang and popular music, but I was VERY pleasantly surprised when the link lead to De La Souls' 3 Feet High and Rising album....maybe the youth isn't lost as I thought!

Now it's off to figure out this external hard drive doohicky.

Life and lessons learned

2008-12-23T08:31:00.002-06:00

I wish winter was over. It isn't even the new years yet, and already I'm longing for warm days to bike in....

On the upside, teaching for the year is over. AND I finally graduated from college. More on that stuff later.

I have semi-decided to make some new years resolutions this year... Normally I skip out on ever making them because they never work (see 2002--Only speak in a British accent or 1993--stop wearing a dashiki). Anyway, this year I will be making the bike trek from Minneapolis to Chicago, flying back out to San Francisco and start playing an instrument. Now I'd like to play a really cool instrument like the banjo or the oboe. Or maybe I'll just work on finally learning to play chopsticks on the piano....

I finally got the chance to see A Christmas Carol at the Guthrie theater the other day. I have to say, it was probably one of the best productions I've seen. Next up, A Bronx Tale at the State Theater (that's in June I think).

Well, it's off to finishing ChristmaHanuKwanzza shopping. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.....

So I leave all of you with the gift of a photo. Chris Farley's back.....

Good things, not so good things

2008-12-14T09:30:00.003-06:00

So here is a new plan of mine. On Wednesday I will be finished teaching, writing thirty page essays and giving lectures to people that have had three times the schooling I've had. A new goal of mine is to do things/activities that everyone says are really good, but I've never had the need to do it. One of those things is going to an opera. Everyone says they're awesome, but I've never really had the desire to sit through one. Well, that's about to change. Another thing to do, is read War and Peace. Of all the books I've sat down with over the years, this has never been one. I'm not 100% sure why I've never read it, but I suppose I should get around to it. The final thing for this month I will try to do is hustle someone in a pool game. Now this may be tricky because I'm quite bad at billiards (this may require hanging out at 11-year old birthday parties--which leads to some more troubling questions). But I see it in the movies all the time, so I should really try to hustle someone out of money. I'll wear a fancy tux, stand in the corner all smooth-like, and probably talk like those old time criminals "See copper, I didn't do it, ya scheee. A wise guy huh? Well how about I dance with your dame". Ok, maybe I'll skip that last part.....

I just heard that we're expecting 6-8 inches (that's what she said) of snow today.....I'm sure traffic will be great in the morning.....*sigh*

Bingo Banjango

2008-12-06T11:48:00.005-06:00

So it's pretty much official: Winter is here to stay.... Deb and Chris snapped a good one of a semi-frozen Mississippi running through Minneapolis.

So I finally got my bumper fixed. A few weeks ago some kid on his 18th birthday bumped into me and dinged up my car. The conversation that followed between him, myself, his three friends and his mom were pretty funny. But anyway, I'm all worried that the rental car is going to be horrible in the snow and blah blah blah. And it was. So they gave me this automobile achievement--the Kia Rio. Let's just say that when I got my car back yesterday, I was chipper as could be. I don't think I made it above 65 in the Rio.....

Ooh, and yes, it is that time of year for the Beaujolais and Marzipan. If you haven't had marzipan, it's quite the good snack/treat. It tastes nothing like the fruits their made out to be. It's made with sugar, almond and sometimes vanilla. They're mighty good with some wine. And that's where the Beaujolais comes in (even though one treat is Italian and the wine is French). But who really pays that close attention...

AND, as I'm picking up a bottle of the Beaujolais, some guy is making snide comments about how it's not real wine, and it shouldn't even be in the same stores with real wine. I then asked him to tell that to his sister, because I was sick of bringing bottles over to her. That shut him up and made the store employees chuckle.

I've been playing the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack a lot lately. Of course, not when anyone is around, but loud enough in the house so I can hear it.... Gotta love St. Paul cartoons and the music that goes with it!

And again, I wish there was some cool and random story to tell, but until December 20th, that won't be happening.

Are we there yet?

2008-11-23T18:28:00.005-06:00

I'm not 100% sure why I love this picture of drunken lego hobos, but I do..

So to bring up the nerd in me, I stumbled upon some 1st-prints of Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. I know, I know, what cool guy would hang those up? Me. I mean, these are original 1st prints of their official portraits!! That's gotta count for something right??

Another note for the week, I'll be a guest speaker at the University Social Studies program on Tuesday. I'll be giving a speech about Politics and History in the inner cities. That's right folks, the same guy who brought you Joose-from-a-straw will be schoolin' intellectuals about how to teach to inner-city students. Booya.

Wait, did the Jets really beat the Titans?? Remember the Titans?? Even Denzel likes Favre this year.

I wish I had some cool stories or something to tell, but working almost 16 hour days will pretty much eliminate all opportunities to have fun...But come December 17th, it's back to normal!

A lot of people go to college for 8 years...yeah, they're called doctors.

I can't see this movie and not think of Steve Dahl for some reason.....

With that, I'll leave you be. Have a good Thanksgiving and don't eat those weird fruitcakes.

Good to have you back

2008-11-04T15:12:00.008-06:00

So this past weekend I was without my computer. Somehow or another, I contracted some sort of bug on it, and had to bring it in. I never realized how much I depend on this thing until it's gone *insert new movie idea here*.

Other then that, life's still staying busy. Only about 28 more days until I can I take a break from reality...

Oh, it would be wrong for me to not mention voting. So get out and do it......Even if the lines look like this!

I've sort of starting writing again. Mostly just short intro essays, but none-the-less, they may be published (which is ok by me).

I can't wait for the Christmas Carol play to hit the Guthrie. I wish I would have seen it at the old theater, but the new one will suffice.

Well, enough rambling. I'm off to do some grading.

7 weeks and counting

2008-10-26T19:59:00.005-05:00

Wow. Seven more weeks of teaching to go. 35 working days (or something close to that). I know, I know, I should be saying things like "I love waking up everyday and doing this", but the truth is, it is cutting into my writing books, and reviewing others. I spent about 2 hours in Barnes and Noble yesterday, and thankfully I didn't go nuts on buying books like I normally do. It's funny, I'll buy about 8 books a month, and read about 3. So needless to say, I have a stack sitting in my corner that are begging to be indulged in.
I wish I had some cool picture to go along with this blog, but I don't...sorry.
And Mike Boo got me stuck on a song--Hanging on the Telephone. That song has been stuck in my head for about 2 days straight now.......
There is a wacky thing going on at the Minnesota Zoo in about a month. A wine and walk tour. It happens after hours, where people donate money to the Zoo fund, and walk around after hours drinking varieties of wine and eating strange finger-food. I'm sort of thinking about doing it, but I'm not sure if wine and Gabon doo go hand-in-hand.......
The first snowfall of the year happened today. Barely a week ago I was bragging about the beautiful weather, and BAM! snow flurries all day. Well, what can you do? As long as Friday stays semi-warm and nice.
Well, that's it for my sidenote-of-a-blog today. It's off to read papers from 11th graders that can't phrase the words "going to do". Instead, it's "dey gon do that"......*sigh* these kids will be taking care of us in about 60 years.........

See you next fall

2008-10-17T15:18:00.008-05:00

There's something in the air these days around Minneapolis. No, it's not the smell of disappointment (i.e. the Vikings), but it is a very crisp, and distinctive smell. It's that of the seasons changing. The fall in Minneapolis is one of the best times of the year--anywhere in the world.

But fall reminds me of a Sunday. Sure you get the day off, but deep in the back of your head, you know what's around the corner--Monday. Just like Fall, we know that Winter is lurking around the bend. C'mone, how many of us were out trick-or-treating when the Halloween Blizzard hit?? That's basically in two weeks.

Yeah, we went from beautiful Autumn leaves to 3 feet of snow in about 12 hours.....And we still love living here.

I think I was dressed up like an X-man or something, but I came home with 6 inches of snow in my hoodie. What a disappointment for a kid out looking to score free candy.

I REALLY like MEA weekend. 2 days of no school is almost like a mini-vacation!

I do need to find more time to work on the books. I also have the proposition to help write a history textbook. I know it's not as cool as my short stories and horribly edited debut book, but it's published writing none-the-less. We would be comparing historical recollections from different periods of time. Like (for example) how did we write about the American Revolution in 1800? 1925? 1970? and in 2008? The tellings are vastly different.

Once school is over I will be posting all kinds of random stories from hormonal high school kids. I think by law though, I can't really talk about it while I'm student teaching there though......And the names will have to be changed.

Once that snow starts, I can pretty much put the bike away...No peddling for 7 months....*sigh*

Well, that's all I got. It's off to find some wine. Oddly enough, I've been enjoying it more and more since I've been teaching. If we remember the Godfather--"I like to drink wine more than I used to" -Don Corleone.

I should go rake some leaves, just so I can jump in them. We really should partake in child-like activities from time to time. Well, some of them anyway.....

Guess I'm back

2008-10-11T11:05:00.005-05:00

Well, sort of. Free time is a thing of the past these days. But I have been tied up with all the duties involved in teaching higher education to kids who could care less.

On the side, I do have a ton of notes I've been keeping so I can write about them after December 17th.

I am off to see Religulous today. Hopefully its as funny as it looks.

Other then that, I don't have much. Keep those noses clean.

-JB

Wow, really?

2008-09-13T09:08:00.004-05:00

I don't speak about politics too much (mostly because it's lame to talk about it on something like the ol' blogger-oo), but I heard about a certain vp candidate truly believing that dinosaurs existed 4,000 years ago (because that way it goes with the bible). Now being that I'm a teacher, I asked some of the "slower" students in class when dinosaurs were on earth. The answers: over 1 million years ago--then they went back to not knowing how to tie their shoes. 4,000 years? Really? Needless to say, that worries me a bit.....

So as I'm writing this, I got a phone call from a colleague to chat about the same person who believes in the dinosaurs, also tried to ban certain books in their home state. Now this I need to check into more, but anyone who tries to ban books is hurtful to enlightenment.

I wish I had more time to write, but papers, exams and other such paper by-products await.

I'm also pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but check out Awesome by Jack Pendarvis. It's one of the quirkiest books I've had the pleasure of reading.

With that, I'm out. Go Cubs

JB the old man

2008-08-22T15:32:00.006-05:00

So I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm an 80-year old man trapped in this 20's body. I've recently discovered the wondrous pleasures in traditional shaving. OK, for YEARS I stuck to the: Wet face, apply cheap foam, shave and rinse. It worked well for many years, but once I found a straight razor, shaving soap and a lather brush, everything changed. People always say "JB, my grandpa used to use that junk, go with evolution, don't fight it". Wrong. This combination is great. If you look around, you can find good quality stuff and it makes the mornings a little less hectic. Consider traditional shaving black. Once you do it, you'll never go back. Unless of course you're that guy in the movie "Soul Man".

I'm also one of the few people I know that still goes to a barber. And not like a great clips/Aveda school dropout, but a real old school barber. The place I go has old guys who NEVER get their haircut. They just show up, read the paper, play chess and talk about everything from the good ol' days to women. I'm a true believer in the quote "All the worlds problems can be solved in the barber shop or around a campfire". These old guys are great. They talk about the Winter of 38 and how the snow was 10 feet high. The best part is that their stories change every time they tell it....One day, I'll be that old man ranting about nothings and chasing kids off my lawn with a broom.

I'm also finding old records to be entertaining. I've always preferred records to CD's and an ipod, but now I'm ebay'n old records from Gil Scott Heron. I've also got original 12'' from Run DMC and Al Green. I need to find a bigger closet for my records because the one I currently use is filled up.....

I'm really not looking forward to teaching this fall. I enjoy my days to write, flick and bike--now I need to focused on kids education.

So I rebuke my previous rant on the Olympics. I caught Shawn Johnson and in about 5 years, she'll be pretty fly. I also watched the volleyball matches.....I guess there was nothing else on TV at that time.

And the great Minnesota get together is going on. I'll probably go and hit up the State Fair and have my fill of food on a stick. I also dig the animal barns (I'm not sure why). And it doesn't matter what time of the day/night you go, the beer gardens are ALWAYS packed with drunk farmers. It's hilarious.

Well, I'm off to try to nap before work. The past 3 nights I've had the song "Angel Dust" stuck in my head.....damn soul music.

Dear Summer/I guess I'm un-American

2008-08-18T14:36:00.008-05:00

So I got a ton of nasty looks the day while in Barnes and Noble. I was perusing through books looking for the new book by Jack Pendarvis called Awesome. OK, any book named Awesome is more then enough to get my attention. I find the book (the last one) and go through my ritual of "should I buy this novel or not". That usually consists of re-reading the first paragraph a few times and then jump to the middle and read some excerpts. You see, most writers will spend the most time on the first sentence and last paragraph over any other part of the book. The first paragraph was talking about some guy who found a derby and was convinced it was the coolest thing of ALL TIME. Right away I assumed this guy was a lot like me. Needless to say I was laughing out loud during my reading and some book snobbers gave me the stinky eyes. In the end, I didn't buy the book. Instead, I decided to rekindle my vow from when I was 16 years old...To finish Ulysses by James Joyce. I still can only muster 30 pages before I get lost. The book is INSANELY good, but a little different from others from the same time period.

And on my un-American tandem, I can't stand the Olympics. EVERYONE is like "JB, how can you dislike the Olympics"??? Simple, the sports being televised are boring. I said it, boring. The only thing I can watch is basketball, which is pretty much lame because Steve Nash, Shawn Kemp and Christian Laettner aren't playing. But, unknown to me, Alicia Sacramone is a hottie. So I watched the gymnastics routine (where she fell twice ((maybe because she's a tad top heavy). Anyway, she gets my vote for "most likely to end up in Playboy". I'd watch tennis, but it has yet to be shown. Is BMX really an Olympic sport?? and beach volleyball? I can't imagine the ancient Greeks who began this competition were thinking "You know, the track and field stuff is good, but we REALLY need Zack Morris out here playing volleyball on some sand".

And summer is pretty much winding down in Minneapolis. We drudge on for 9 months out of the year for the glorious 3 month span of heaven. Speaking of spans, way to go Dernard. It is supposed to be a great week of weather, and next week I get to look forward to school again......Thankfully, it's the last semster (hopefully).

And because the Republican National Convention is here in the Twin Cities in a few weeks, anti-GOP graffiti has been popping up everywhere......

Get Out Phascists on Highway 280

Greed Over People on Univeristy Ave in Dinkytown

Get out Phascists on the Grain Belt sign in downtown.

And in case you haven't heard, Where The Wild Things movie comes out next year. I'm quite pumped.

That's about it. It's off to write a paper.

Rocky Mountain High

2008-08-14T07:33:00.018-05:00

So this past week, Kristen and I went out to Colorado to spend some time in the Mountains. If I get a free round trip anywhere, Colorado would be up there on places to visit. The oddest thing is that there are mountains EVERYWHERE. If you look out your bathroom window, BOOM! Mountains....The first day we got there, we went to Garden of the Gods. This is the picture of "The Kissing Camel".

And nothing special, just a picture of one of the rocks and the foothills in the background.

The following day, we decided to go biking through the mountains. Now hills around Minneapolis are one thing. Biking over 4 miles in a general uphill grade is painstaking. Going back down them is easy as can be though. The side effect of normally being on a fixies is that when I'm on a gear bike, I forget to either change gears at all, or continually pedal (even downhill). My Surly and me.

Kris lucked out and got the trill Bianchi. They didn't have one that fit my size, so I couldn't sport the green.....

There is a path from Frisco to Breckenridge, but I got us lost and blew about a half hour looking for it.....

Once we reached Breckenridge, we stopped to flick some mountains and streams. One thing I plan to do when I get back there is to whitewater raft, and fly fish.

On Saturday we met up with my aunt and uncle and got lunch and hung out downtown. We then went to the Rockies/Padres game. Coors field is great. I can't wait until the Twins get the outside field (well, except the first month and a half of the season--snow and cold). We got free tickets from my uncle and we sat in the "club seats". Apparently that means we get plush seats, carpeted floors, near-private bathrooms and a personal server (In case walking to get a beer/hotdog is too much work for me). It is by far the best seats I've ever had for a game. It is the only way to go....

Being a Cubs fan, I had to take of flick of the now-Padres-pitcher, Greg Maddux. There was a guy in the level above us who would yell "Go Maddux"! every 2 minutes. He became my new friend.

Then one day we decided to drive up to Mount Evans. Driving up a mountain should be easy right? Hell no. As you can see in this flick, there is about 2 feet to the side of you before you reach a 500 foot-straight-down drop. I'm not all that scared of heights, but I got REAL nervous towards the top. There is barely enough room for a 2-way road, and every time a truck came towards us, we both had to stop and creep past one another. I had no intention of cliff diving..

The drive from bottom to top is about an hour and a half. Once we reached Summit Lake (pictured here), the sun came out and it warmed from 39 to about 50 degrees. Being from Minnesota, shorts and a T-shirt were ok for 39 degrees and climbing mountains......

Kristen and me at Summit lake. It's a glacial lake that is about 75% of the way up the mountain. Right before we reached the lake, there was a sign that read "Danger: Extreme road damage ahead". Great, just what I needed while I drive like a 90 year old man up these skinny roads.

I wish I could post my film pictures on here (they capture it better), but these mountains go on for as far as you can see. It's amazing. You could walk for days on end and still not get to the other side. From what I understand, the continental divide is in the background. You can't tell, but it's about 600 feet straight down behind me....

At the top of the mountain. As you can see, we're actually above the clouds. It's very strange to be standing on land, and looking down at clouds....Now I'm a pretty atheletic person, but walking at a brisk pace up here is quite a bit harder due to the lack of air. There were a ton of old people who didn't get out of their cars due to the lack of oxygen.
And yes, that is a Brad Radke jersey.

So we took about 300 pictures and video. I can't post them all, but I'll try to get the good ones up. It was by far, one of the best trips I've ever taken.

For the rest of my vacation, I've been golfing. Yes, golfing. I hate golf, and golfers. But somehow, I find myself on the course hitting the stress out. But I make the game worse for EVERYONE else. I'm horrible, so I hit the ball into other fields and piss off the other players. They yell at me and I argue back. 70 year old guys get really pissed off at a kid in a Shawn Kemp jersey messing up their game.

Since the weather is nice out today, I'll be jogging around the lakes. I'm aiming for the Nokomis-to-Harriet-to-Calhoun and around them. I think it's about 15 miles or so. If I get tired, I'll just do 2 of them.

Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes both died. It was a sad weekend.......

So the American women lost the gold in gymnastics. They blamed a time delay by the olympic officials on Alicia Sacramone (i.e. one good looking lady) falling. I should be an olympian. But in something cool like 4-square......

I'm not sure why, but I'm really caught up in Lisey's Story by Stephen King.

I wish there was more news to talk about, but I gotta go and enjoy this perfect-weather-day!

Round out the Tank

2008-08-04T10:38:00.018-05:00

So this past weekend was a busy one. Friday started out with the Uptown Art Fair. All in all, it's probably the best art showing in Minneapolis. The best part is that it's during the summer. I had to go on Friday because if you get there any other time during the weekend, it's shoulder to shoulder.

There's usually some really good art, but also some really bad crafts. If I had the $$ I would probably buy some of the works....

This is always one of my favorite stands. I forgot her name, buy she makes these chrome and metal eggs....

And of course, Saturday was the wedding of Damien and Jessica. It was one of the better weddings I've ever been to. Here are the Brides maids...Emily, Rachael, Hilary and two girls I don't know.

Damien (not in the blue), Ritchie, Josh, Sir Mike McCabe, a guy I don't know, and Trevor. A few people made the comment that the fellow in the blue coat resembled Colonel Sanders....I guess a bit. It was quite a good ceremony though.

This was the end of the ceremony (obviously). I wish I would have gotten a flick of the bike they rode off on. It was genius! Thanks to these two, I have the song "Another First Kiss" still stuck in my head.....

The best part of this flick is that Ryan Ritchie is staring off into the middle of nowhere thinking about Meatballs 4, or maybe Ben Afflecks role in Phantoms (where he was indeed the bomb). And oddly enough, Mike and me don't go anywhere without our bags.

Jason, Mike and Josh the photobomber!

Ryan giving the best man speech. As he's bringing tears to everyone in the room, someone goes "Where's Mike"? That's a good question.....Then someone says "I think he's snoozing in the bushes". I couldn't believe it, so I had to check it out....

Sure enough, Mike was out cold at the bottom of a huge, steep hill. As I'm taking this picture, people next to me are talking about it.
Guy 1 "That guy must have started drinking EARLY"!
Guy 2 "Well, you know what they say? You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning"!
Girl "Should we maybe wake him up or something"?
Guy 1 "Nah, the mosquito's will get to him eventually".

Video of Mike snoozin.

Dancing to Al Green......It was nice to see a live band at a wedding instead of just a DJ.

And a little Blistering in the sun....

Well, nothing but vacation for the next two weeks....I will surely be hitting the mountains in Colorado for a little biking and climbing....
And a word to the wise, while taking college courses, make sure to meet the physical fitness portion of it. There's nothing worse then getting ready to graduate and hearing "Oh, by the way, your missing a 1-credit course in P.E"......

The Bestest Ever

2008-07-30T15:21:00.009-05:00

Have you ever met someone with some weird, strange obscure fact about them? For example, Bickels uncle is the one who invented those little urinal soaps. Strange right? Or how about that person who is the online Monopoly champion from 1997-2003? I've decided to give myself a random fact. The trick here is to make up something really random, so there is no factual truth to it. So here it goes.....

1. "I've published a book under the pen name Alex Kendall. Mostly the books are collections of memoirs that have been woven into fictional tales of my life. It was picked up by Random House, but never fully distributed. Every time someone buys my book though, I get $2.97". That sounds believable right?? Alex Kendall-that name sounds on the border of made up or actual fact. Plus, the fact that the book was never distributed leads people to believe it's one of those un-found gems in the literary world.

2. I'm the Midwest Bocce Ball champion from 2006. Ok, the fact that Bocce ball doesn't get played a lot AND I can say it with a straight face, should lead people to believe it's true. Besides, who would have a set of Bocce balls around if they decided to challenge me?

3. "I was on the Price Is Right, but never made it to the showdown". Ok, here's the logic in this. If you watch this show, you can't honestly tell what year it was done it. 1978? 1999? Who knows! And since the show airs daily, it would be hard for someone to say "No you weren't". The only downside is that I would somehow slip up and mention that I broke the Plinko game......

4. "I used to work at Starbucks and I gave John Goodman a Mocha". Due to the fact that most people would believe that a top-notch celeb such as John Goodman would in fact go into a starbucks, allows this to work. If I were to say that Katie Holmes, Chuck Norris or Morgan Freeman came into my starbucks, people may not believe me. But I can switch out John Goodman for a number of celebrities: Corey Feldman, That guy who played Balki in Perfect Strangers, Dave Coulier, Macho Man Randy Savage or Michael Bivins, and it would still work.

And the winner is: Midwest Bocce Ball Champ! I chose this because I am semi-decent at the bocce ball game, and the fact that I look like I may be able to actually play leads this white lie to the front of the line. So next time you see me, be on the lookout for this lie to somehow slip into our conversation, in order to make me seem a little bit cooler.

In other news, the city of St. Paul (i.e. Minneapolis' lesser cool sibling) instructed a non-profit organization called Portage for Youth (who help underprivileged kids express themselves through art and theater) to paint over a mural they had worked on. The reason: The mural had too many "graffiti elements". The Star Tribune wrote:
The theater is owned by Portage for Youth, a group that encourages troubled kids to express themselves through art, executive director Raeann Ruth said. And the mural, running alongside a garden, had butterflies, flowers, leaves and vines.
But then came the complaints, said City Council President Kathy Lantry, who represents the area. She drove to the theater in early April, expecting to find a garden scene. Instead, she recalled thinking, "this is not that."

This is the photo of the finished mural (photo from Star Tribune)

And the mural as it's being painted over. Nothing says "advocate for art" quite like telling kids that the mural they worked so hard on needs to be painted over because a city official doesn't like it......I saw the mural when it was being done, and it was one of the better legal murals I've seen. If you'll notice the fence behind the theater covers the scene from the street, so I don't see what the deal was. Mind you, this whole mural was done with permission. I wonder if the Nicollet Ave. mural project will face the same problem?

Karate Kid

2008-07-24T14:32:00.021-05:00

So as I'm sitting and watching Sportscenter with some starburst, I come across a segment about 5-6 year olds partaking in MMA fights. Wow. Whatever happened to kids playing dodgeball, 4-square and not getting picked for basketball?? For some reason, kids putting other kids in a compression locks seems a little much. Now don't get me wrong, I was ALL ABOUT tae kwon do for about two weeks (before I realized it was pointless) while I was 12. And when I hit the summer of 9th grade, I started learning Brazilian jujitsu. The difference? I was learning from one person in a one-on-one basis. I wasn't being "trained to fight".I had no intention of actually fighting anyone, partaking in any tournament, or one day growing up to be a cage fighter. I've also been to Brazil on many occasions for this purpose. I don't think a 9 year old has quite the capacity for this kind of thing. It was actually kind of appalling to watch a class full of 30 kids beating up on each other on Sportscenter. Now when the day comes where a little-me is running around, I'm pretty sure I'll teach him/her the same things I've learned. I think it's important to know how to defend yourself, while never actually having to do it. With that, I'll step off this soap box thingy......

So a week ago Kristen and me sent off for the Minnesota zoo where they have the new Grizzly bear exhibit. For some reason, they're REALLY close. MAD amounts of money went into this thing. The bears actually fish for their own salmon in the stream.....

And a swimming bear....

And it really wouldn't be Minnesotan without a mullet. But as I was laughing and flicking the guy in the red shirt from behind to catch the mullet, the lady in blue comes walking by with a FEMULLET!! It's a two-fer!!!! But judging by her Wisconsin Dells shirt, she's not from the Gopher state.....

And due to the fact that it was Thursday, I hit the farmers market downtown. These two ladies have become favorites of mine. They sell Buffalo meat. I know it sounds odd, but it's actually really healthy and not to bad when it's cooked up....I've become known as "shiny-bike" to them. I also ran into Bree on the Nicollet Mall. That was quite trill.

And during the Aquatennial, there are all kinds of random things going on around the Twin Cities. One of my favorite are the day-long tennis sessions right in the middle of Downtown on Peavy Plaza. It's a great way to spend a lunch break with some coffee.

I have no clue who this guy in the red is, but I tried to get part of the skyline in the background....

And finally, Minneapolis is funding a mural project down Nicollet Ave. This is the one that is being done on the King Park Building. As I was riding, I didn't see the other murals being worked on. All-in-all there should be 10 murals. The murals are all different and seem to look pretty good. If I see more, I'll post them.

King Building again......I should have held something up for scale...

My new favorite thing in the world (well- besides ninjas, joose, sporks, the first 3 seasons of Dawsons Creek, no-stick-bandaids, the episode of Scrubs where Turk dances to Poisen, zubaz and pagers) is Photobombing. Some people have termed it "that guy" photos. To put it simply, it's where a person is found in a photograph that shouldn't be there, and pretty much ruins it for the intended party. I myself have been doing it for years, but now it's caught on to the masses. Here are some examples:

Thirsty-day

2008-07-17T18:21:00.024-05:00

Wednesday was one of the biggest waste-days I've had in a while. I painted my garage and re-read About A Boy.

But Thursday was cooler!

I started off my after-hump-day with a cup of coffee from the Riverview cafe. As you notice the flick is on the outside. A: I forgot my camera. B: There was a lady staring at me all crazy-eyes like. She sorta freaked me out.......If I had brought my camera in, I would have gotten a flick of a staple of one of the finest coffee shops in Minneapolis, Rach.

My cool coffee cup that almost spilled all over me when I had to slam on my breaks because of the Train police chasing some vandals.

These are the two cops that stopped traffic on 38th for almost 20 minutes while they looked all over the place for about 3 kids. Who paints trains in the middle of the day?? They had dogs and foot police all over the place.

After my wondrous caffeine fix, I hopped the bike and headed downtown. I completely forgot to flick the new library downtown....But I did get the MacPhail center for music. I stopped in and listened to some people learning how to play the french horn. It was actually pretty good.

After the tingling in my ears wore off, I went across the street to the Gutherie theater. Now I wasn't all that pleased that they moved from the old location (and the fact that the big blue building took a LONG time to get used to), but I've been pleased with every play/production I've seen here. I went up to the Target Lounge and got an Cherry Italian Soda and a club sandwich and watched tourists flock back and forth like a slow pong game.

After the Gutherie snack I headed across the stone arch bridge to find this......

I also found a security guard I aptly named Jersey Mike. He explained everything about these large, black, mirrored boxes in a very classic Italian-Jersey accent. He looked like a smaller Paul Teutul from Orange County Choppers. No lie. I asked if I could take a picture of him and his reply was this "If yous (yes, he said yous) take a picture of me, It'll be the last thing your eyes ever see". Other then the death threat, he was a nice-funny guy. We joked about some of the pictures and the fact that Redbull was sponsoring it. So we had some redbulls and I went on my way.

Redbulls reasoning for doing this. Jersey Mike told me that the part about "braving the lens to take a picture" was b.s. He said that that the people behind the pictures took flicks of people being brave (because most of the pictures are of REALLY extreme sports). He then mumbled about how he once jumped off the 4th floor of a building for drunken kicks....

The park boards message about it.

Since Jersey Mike wouldn't let me take his picture, this is the next best thing. Just picture Paulie with a yellow security shirt and black sunglasses.

This is what the 5x5 blocks look like when they're lit up at night.

This is what the blocks look like when they're not going during the day. Apparently, they show an image of Jon B-nonstop!

The Gutherie and Gold Medal Flour from the Stone Arch Bridge. You can sorta see the Metradome behind them.

This is what the 35W bridge looks like thusfar. Hopefull it will be done in October......It really doesn't look like the old one. Apparently there is supposed to be a walking/bikeway underneath it to go across the river.

This was the video of the parked cops. I couldn't get them actually chasing the kids...

This is the stone arch bridge part 1. At the end, some yuckle started yelling for me to get off that side. It was one of the security guards.
This is the stone arch bridge part 2. I got the Guthrie, Gold Medal Flour and some other stuff.

Then for dinner I whipped up some garlic shrimp, lemon pasta and some white wine (that turned out not to be so good). Oh well.

Update: Kristen and me tried out this spot called First Course in Minneapolis. I'll babble about it more, but it was quite good. Good wine, tasty pizza and the head chef spent about 10 minutes talking about his drivers license photo. I would give it a solid 8/10 for a good 2nd date.

Too-day Tuesday

2008-07-15T23:40:00.018-05:00

Ah Tuesday. Not as lame as Monday but still not as cool as Thursday......

As it's vacation day #2, I decided to indulge in some arts and....well, no crafts. If you live in Minneapolis currently, you know it was about 95 degrees today. It was the perfect, sunny day to be bopping around town. The first stop was at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts.

I tried to take some more flicks outside, but the sun-glare ruined it.....

There really wasn't anything new inside except for a few works here and there, but I still lost track of time and realized it 3 HOURS LATER! I got there around 10 in the morning and the next time I checked my watch it was almost 1:30! Oh well, it was time well spent. I find it strange that all art museums seem to have a similar smell. I actually like it. I would have to say that the MIA is one of the best free spots in the state.

After the MIA, I biked on over to the sculpture garden. There were all kinds of people there today. There was a lady taking senior pictures of another girl and she almost fell in the spoon-pond. I chuckled. I didn't have the time to take pics of the 40 sculptures, so I settled on the main ones.

It's the IDS building in between the bicycle. I wish I could use my film camera and actually take a picture that's good, but I'm still using the digital......

I would venture to say that the cherry and spoon is one of the most recognizable/photographed things in Minneapolis. I decided that I would go with the popular trend and flick it also. I'm pretty sure the person in the white shirt is the one who almost fell into the pond.

If you turn to your right from the cherry spoon, you can see the basilica. If I weren't so tired, I would have walked across the bridge and flick some stuff over by Loring Park......but I didn't

And this is from on top of the hill by the Walker Art Center. As you can see below, there is an "art inspired" putt-putt golf center set up. It was actually pretty good. If I had more time, I may have played a game. So I sat on this hill for about a half hour and pondered how to include this into the new book.....

To top it all off, I caught a little league game. This is my little brother (from the Big Brothers program) H. He struck out twice.....but they won the game. I'm pretty sure it was the last game of the season.

And of course, nothing caps a summer day quite like some gelato. The best place I've found for it in the Twin Cities is at Fat Lorenzos (I recommend the Stracciatella or Frutti di Bosco). So I took my cup and hung out by Lake Nokomis for a while.

This is Lake Nokomis. The southern end of Minneapolis. Still only 5 miles from downtown though.

So as I'm writing this, the All Star Game is in the 14th inning and all tied up....See National League, if Derrick Lee were in, this wouldn't have happened......

Well, since the news is predicting rain the next day or so, I'll be doing tedious work around the house. I'd flick some of it, but it's probably boring......

Thursday and Friday should allow for some interesting festivities though....After all, it is the 10 best days of summer.

I need to find a new book to read...I spent almost an hour and a half at Barnes and Noble tonight looking for something new and good. Everything I found seemed humdrum.

Oh, and the Dark Knight comes out this week. I'll have to catch it at some point in time.......They should make a comic book movie about Calvin and Hobbes..

Oh Vacation

2008-07-11T08:47:00.019-05:00

You call it a balloon, I call it a bad breath holder.

So the first formal vacation is slated for this week. Due to the gas prices, my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants (or at least the seat of an airline) is quickly diminishing. My ticket for the UK almost doubled in price since I last checked, so needless to say I won't be going this year.

On another note, I've decided to add some media-vacation-notes. So with this being the first day of vacation, lets see what transpired.

So my old running shoes have long worn out. I've decided that breaking in my new shoes would be a great way to spend a Monday morning/afternoon. I was a little nervous about spending so much dough on shoes, but around the 10th mile around the lakes, I realized it was a wiser investment then google.

After the run and a much needed lunch, I decided that I should go for a bike ride. Since I don't think I have any flicks of the new bike up, I decided to post some around the city of Minneapolis. I actually gave in and used a digital camera because with the heat, I felt it best not to carry my film around (hence the less-then-good photos). This is from Harriet looking towards downtown.

Another one from Harriet with the Bandshell and Downtown.

After visiting cities from around the US and the rest of the world, places like this are great to have in your city.

After about 2 more hours on the bike doing the Minnehaha Falls/Nokomis/Harriet/Calhoun circle I walked for a bit towards Harriet. This is the rose garden. It smells better then it looks. During the middle of the day it is occupied by old people and 1st date couples.

So I found a nice tree to prop the bike up against and relax for about a half hour. But guess what? Five minutes into it, this beastly woman flops down 100 feet in front of me to read a book (which I'm sure wasn't a good one)...No joke. It's quiet as could be and she farts. I heard it...FROM 100 FEET AWAY!! Within about five minutes of sitting there, she starts to sweat through her shirt. Thanks obesity.

The bike parked up against the tree. It's much easier to ride now that I have foot holds and a front break....

I got home and decided to make dinner. As you can see, Italian sausage looks pretty similar to

something........But anywho, Broders has the best Italian meats in the city (or at least that I can find).

So heat up some olive oil, add the sausage, onions and a whole bunch of other things and let it cook. Hours later my kitchen still smells good.

Add some cheese and bake. mmmmmmmm. If you look to the top-right, you can see the pictures some of my students have made for me. (Yes, I actually do hang them on my fridge-along with the topgun flicks).

Some good red wine with bread later and it's a night!

So this is a video I took while sitting under my tree at Harriet park. In it, you can see the sweaty woman and a couple that made out for about 15 minutes.

This is a short clip of Lake Harriet from a dock. I'm pretty sure you can't see all the fish in the water.

Tuesday is the Ma's birfday so I don't think there will be many photos, but the rest of the week should be good for flicks.

The All-star game is also this Tuesday. I may or may not watch it. It sorta reminds me of the probowl. People are there, but don't really try. Also, Derrick Lee got snubbed...The home run derby is also a waste of time. At least the slam dunk competition can be good. My problem is that people don't participate anymore. I remember the days of the Michael Jordan/Dominiqe Wilkins showdowns. There are no big name players anymore. Why won't Dwayne Wade or Carmello partake in the event?? Perhaps they are worried about bruised egos.....I think more "big name" athletes should participate in things like that. It's good for the sport. If Ryan Howard or Alex Rodriguez were participating, I'd probably watch. Don't get me wrong, Justin Morneau is the home-team guy, but not exactly a charismatic player. And out of all the pro athletes I've met over the years, he's one of my least favorite in person. Heck, Shawn Merriman (who you would think would be arrogant) was much more pleasant to talk with--but that's another story.

On another random meeting, I met David Crosby this past Thursday at the IDS center. I was down there for lunch with Kristen and who should walk out wearing a jean jacket outfit?? Mellisa Etheridges' baby-daddy! I didn't' get a chance for a photo or a long chat, but it was cool none-the-less to see him.

Everyone should check out the Nicollet farmers market. It's one of the best in the Twin Cities.
Other then that, the Lyndale and Mill City farmers markets are really good in the summer months.

Well, have a good week everyone. Enjoy the weather. I'm off to the Minneapolis Institute of Art and then the Sculpture Garden.

-JB

Life's not a game....or is it?

2008-07-02T08:01:00.020-05:00

I remember the wonderful days of childhood. Heck, even into most my teens were spent playing board games on a Friday night (instead of macking on girlies--which leads to repressed emotions. But that's another story). But how true to life are these games?? I dug out some of my old favorites to check out the "real life" experience they bring.

1. Chutes and Ladders. So apparently it's a game that teaches you that life has ups and downs. Unless you land on space 80 (which is a direct ladder to the end). That tells me that it's ok to take shortcuts in life. If you need to hop a ladder to get to the top, make sure you push some people down a ladder.

2. Monopoly. Let's face it. This is the game that causes more frustration then fun. And you ALWAYS end up playing with that one kid who buys one of each property (hindering your ability to monopolize anything). This game can also last for hours--resulting in you and your grandmother fist fighting over Baltic Ave at 3am. And the other part of Monopoly that will lead to an argument are the "untold rules". Do you get money when you land on free parking? What are the various rules to get you out of jail? But Monopoly teaches us about rich and poor and that there is no middle ground. Why is it that Park Place/Boardwalk are right around the corner from Mediterranean Ave? That's gentrification (Thanks Hooper X). If you don't believe me, play with a group for about an hour. Someone will have hotels on about 80% of the board, and I'm left with with stupid Electric Company and a wad of white $1's.....

3. Twister. The only thing that Twister taught me is that girls are hot. You will never see a group of 5 guys playing twister in a basement. However, if you're looking to get close to a girl, have twister set up and after a few drinks, booya. To make it interesting, after these drinks remove some pants.

4. Chinese Checkers. The ONLY thing this game taught me is that I have no business dipping into the ancient art of Chinese checkers. To be honest, I used to put these in bowls full of candy and watch to see if someone bit into one. If someone was like "Jon, lets play some Chinese Checkers", I would politely decline--because I have NO memory of how to play....

5. Trouble. The only thing this game taught me is that if there is a bubble popper in the middle of the board, the game will never get finished because I will sit and pop the bubble for hours.........

6. Cranium. All in all, I didn't know this game existed until about 18 years old. The only thing this game taught me, is that deep, deep, deep down inside, I'm kind of a nerd. I remember playing this game with Bickle, Boo, Ritchie, Brandon and Damien for hours during the summer. How could such swanky guys be alone in a George Forman basement playing this instead of hanging out with girls?? Oh the mysteries of life.

7. Trivial Pursuit. This game only taught me that school lied to me. I don't need to know about lunch and gym class, I should be focused on the leader of Russia during the turn of the century! The people who win this game, you love to hate. You admire their wealth of useless facts, but hate the fact you're an idiot....

8. Hungry Hippos. And we wonder why we have childhood obesity! I damn near ate those marbles when I wanted a snack. This game taught me that to be gluttonous was to be victorious! The one who ate the most, in the shortest time was the best person ever......and usually the one to die the quickest from a heart attack.

9. Battleship. This has to be one of my favorites. A game where you sink the other ship. The whole reason this game is cool though, is in the commercial when the kid goes "You sunk my battleship". In real life, you cheated every way possible. Like stacking 2 ships on top of each other, or making "T's" with all the ships (to throw your opponent off). For whatever reason, I site this game as allowing me to understand Algebra and Calculus in college ( I even wrote a theory paper on the connection to battleship and long equations).

10. Uno. This game taught me that skipping people is cool. Or, if you're in the lead, have them draw cards until they're full. The worst part is when you get 7 people in a row who "change the number or color" and you're left with none of the colors OR numbers. But it did teach me the art of cheating in games. Whenever I laid a card down, I would stick a random card behind it making it look like one card. That's how I got rid of all my cards so quick.

Honorable mentions: Stratego, Scrabble, Sorry, Game of Life, Sorry, Connect 4 and Mouse Trap.

What's your favorite games growing up??

I'm sorta in a rut these days. I've been looking for some good music that I haven't heard before, but I can't find any.......

I really hope I keep all the fingers this weekend.

So the book I'm currently writing has been put on hold for the summer because I've decided to take on a new one. The plot thus far is about someone who decides to leave home to travel west in order to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. It's sooooooorta like Leaving Las Vegas, but without the weak acting, Vegas and drinking. The person is normal in every way, but something feels right about taking their own life from the bridge.....I think it's going to be called "Accessible". I got the general idea from the documentary called "The Bridge". Its kinda sad, but a good flick. Everyone thinks it's a strange idea for me (mostly because all the stuff I write is humorous and light hearted).

I wonder what Hootie is up to these days......

I'm still juggling the idea of having a moustache. No one seems to think it's a grand plan.

Well, I hope everyone has a good 4th. And remember that the Declaration of Independence wasn't done on the 4th of July......just a tidbit of historical trivia for you. It was actually done on July 2nd and generally adopted on the 4th. And not everyone was in one giant room signing it, it was passed along until August. Sometimes I hate being a social studies major.........sorry about that.

If you get a chance, check out the show Wipeout. It's hilarious. People falling off stuff will always be funny to those of us with a 16 year old sense of humor.

Yo Sniz-ap

2008-06-30T07:53:00.005-05:00

So this past weekend was the Pride festival in Minneapolis. From what I understand, it's the largest in the Midwest. I could care less what the events are about, I'm a festival-nut. I go to all those art fairs and music venues-in-the-parks in the Twin Cities. I didn't really get a chance to bike to this festival, but Batman took part in the parade. I guess that explains a lot......

All in all it's a fine time to be in Minneapolis. With the exception of the other 9 months of the year (i.e. winter) the Twin Cities are the place to live.

I figured I'd put in a picture of Minnehaha Falls in the middle of summer. Sometimes you forget that this exists in a major city. Along with the lakes, creeks, hobos and other natural beauties.

Speaking of which, I think I'm off to do some biking....Happy Monday.

-JB

Advice from you-know-who

2008-06-26T08:02:00.007-05:00

Hey all. So it's that time of the month where I take a moment and answer all your important, burning questions and hope to aid in some life advice.

Dear Jon,

I'm looking for a song for my summer. I want this song to be reeaaaallly goood. You see, I just graduated high school and I need a theme song to make this summer memorable. Any advice?
Thanks- Mr. No SummerSongs

Mr No SummerSong,
If I were to pick a song to sum up my summer, it would be Luchini by Camp Lo. You really can't go wrong here. Other then that, go for something like a smooth country song. Most country songs take place in the warm weather. But unlike me in high school, stay away from songs like Summertime Girls, and Summer in the City. Though it may be fitting, Summertime by The Fresh Prince should be avoided by someone as young as you. Hope it helps.

Dear Jon, You know how everyone is saying "So is your face" and "that's what she said"? Well I want a new and cool saying that will catch on. Any advice on how to find such a saying??
-Cassie

Cass,
Sexual innuendos are hilarious. They always be. Start a new one! Here's what you need to do: Pick ANY task. Washing windows, baking bread, making peanut butter & jelly or tying shoes. Every time you see an attractive guy (or girl), turn to your friend and say you would do said task on them. Example "Oh snap! I'd butter her bread". Or "I'd balance his checkbook". Capisce?

Dear Jon,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for like three months. Her birthday is coming up and I'm not sure what to get her. Something that says how much I care, or something practical? I don't want her to think I'm over-doing it.....
- Albert

Al,
I know A LOT about women and what they want. Have you not seen that classic Mel Gibson flick? Women love a guy who can take it to the next level. I would recommend getting her some clothes. But buy them super big. That way she can grow into them in the next 8 months (she'll put on plenty of weight during your dating time). Women also really like sports. Get her a basketball signed by Larry Bird, or a football with Jerry Rices' signature on it. She will no doubt be speechless. If all else fails go with a Keith Sweat CD. Women love that guy for some reason.....

Dear Jon,
Last time I wrote, you recommended a Color Me Badd song for my wedding. Well, since I take your advice seriously, I brought that up to my lady. Needless to say, I'm writing this from my couch--alone. What can I do to get her back?
-Mr. No Song

What? That didn't work? I say good riddance. Any lady who doesn't like the sultry swingings of I wanna sex you up isn't worth spending the rest of your life with. I say go out this Friday and find a nice girl who will appreciate classical music. I think the best bet is to go to a karaoke bar and request the following: Poisen, Sex You Up, Every Little Step I Take, Candy Girl or Hangin' Tough. Look for the girls that are obviously drinking too much and really into your song. After the song approach them and say "That was for you". Guarantee it working for ou.

Dear Summer

2008-06-24T09:25:00.008-05:00

Dear Andrea, You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life (except the time I got those new Air Jordans). - Sam

I read that and laughed. Why? ?Because it's true.

But anywho, The other day while in my car, sitting in traffic in uptown, I'm skipping through the radio. Of all the 15 stations, I can only find 3 songs: Flowrider, Silly, and some song with a voicebox. When all of a sudden Stay by Lisa Loeb comes on. I'm not really paying attention to what's going on around me, and I leave the volume of the radio a tad high. Since it's a nice day out in Minneapolis, the windows and sunroof are wide open. And, for whatever reason, I began to mumble the words to the song (most of us can remember EVERY word for that song-they only played it 333, 694 times a day in the 90's). As I'm still waiting to turn, a car full of high school/college freshman-aged girls pulls up next to me and begin laughing hysterically at the fact that this song is on, and I'm bumbling along with it. I'm semi-embarrassed that they caught me singing to a song such as this. So (because I knew I would never see them again), I pretended to sob and yell at them "You just don't understand her like I do! You just CAN'T"!!!! The look on their faces went from laughing to freaked out. Then I made my left turn down Lake Street and out of their lives. I'm pretty sure they are retelling their friends with the story of some super-cute guy who was singing along to a chick song, but turned out to be a mega-freak! I enjoy making little differences in peoples lives on a daily basis. I really love summer.

Over the weekend I stole a limo. Not really hot wired it like Bruce Willis, but more-or-less commandeered it. We were at a REAL swanky wedding at Interlachen (and I knew no one, and I really don't care for weddings). So we got sat at a table with a few other couples at the reception--who I did not feel like chatting with. Anyway, a few glasses of wine later and we're all talking. Turns out they're not half bad. So one of them comes back from the bar and says "the host bar is over, drinks are about $9. We could go to the store and buy a whole bottle for that"! Then a guy on the other side of the table says "We should take the limo to the store and get some". I stand up and yell "Lets go" and start dashing out the door. All I really wanted was a redbull because I was driving that night. But everyone else was surprised that the calm, quite fellow sitting at their table turned out to be the world famous trickster-Jon B. Needless to say ten minutes later we were cruising in a limo to get bagged booze. Apparently, Edina liquor stores do not believe in Joose or 40's. Classy as Cory Feldman. I wish I had pictures, but I don't use a digital camera.

I'm sure you noticed the smooth prom picture from 1986. I'm trying to find the best/funniest/classiest prom and wedding pictures lately.....I'm not sure why.

I really like these guys at a junior prom. Everyone is so hardcore-except the guy in the bottom left. He's just happy to be out with his new gang.

Well, I'm off to watch either Rookie of the Year or Little Big League. See ya!

-JB

Right time, right place

2008-05-22T11:09:00.007-05:00

If you ever get the chance to meet Minneapolis artist Michael Birawer, do so. The guy is pretty Trill. I actually have this painting hanging up in my house.

So I'm part of some informal study for someones senior thesis paper in psychology. They're doing it on the relationship between sounds and memory (as most are done between smell and memory). So I had to bring all these CD's and records over and basically sit in this strange room with odd lights and no furniture. Anyway, I found that listening to certain songs while in the "control room" makes us think about past experiences.

For instance, as I'm jumbling through song after song, 93 till infinity comes on. Almost instantly I felt like I was back on the Lake Street bus going from Uptown to the bomb shelter. I used to beat this song ALL the time while on that bus. I used to listen to music non-stop during these bus trips, but that song is the one that has the strongest connection.

Song 2: Passin me bye by the Pharcyde. I used to listen to this song a ton growing up, but the place it brought me while playing was back to the Northside house parties. Along with some other songs, this one reminds me of being at that house all winter.

Song 3: Nothin but a G thang: by Dr Dre. Every time Snoop comes in with the "1, 2, 3 and to the 4....." It reminds me of the 5th grade for some reason. Pretty much all summer that song was on blast in EVERYONES car. Every park BBQ had this on the radio. We used to rap along to this on the playground while rocking my Bulls starter jacket....

Song 4: The 3 Feet High and Rising album by De La Soul. I was 7 years old when I got this tape. To this day it is one of my all time favorite and classic albums. The first time I heard Me, Myself and I, I was on the bus and it came on the radio. It was the bus to Hale School, and Donnie and Kyle were sitting next to me. They didn't dig the song like I did. After I heard the song, got the album, I wanted a high-top-fade and African medallion SO bad. I couldn't understand at the time why I couldn't........But I still had my Cross-Colors gear.

Song 5: Regulators: Warren G. I think it came out in 94, and EVERYONE had this song going that summer. I remember playing this song while playing basketball at King park. I have no idea why it reminds me of basketball (because I was horrible), but it does.....

Song 6: Actually the whole album of Do you want more?!?! by The Roots. I want to say this came out in 93/94 and it is hands down one of my all time favorites. I remember listening to Proceed all the time going to school. The place it puts me though is outside of Synders eating a kempswhich. I think I pretty much kept that tape on play all year.....and still do. Silent Treatment has pretty much been some kind of theme with every woman I've ever dated. I can pretty much guarantee that I've played this song on repeat during every relationship I've ever had.

Song 7: They Want EFX by Das EFX. This song was in the walkman during my first time in a train yard. I can remember every sound, smell and sight. When I hear this song I still get a nervous feeling like being caught or something.

Song 8: Ya Playin Yourself by Jeru. I will always remember the first time I heard this song. It was on Yo! and I thought "This guy is nuts"! Kung fu and hiphop?!? Why didn't I think of that? A week later I was in Tae Kwon Do and a month later I quite.

Song 9: U Can't Touch This : Hammer. Phelps Park was the first time I heard this, and yes, I learned the hammer dance because of this. I was the only white kid doing the hammer dance at Phelps Park. This song always reminded me of this summer. It was the first time I got into a real fight, and kissed a girl in the same day. Word!

Song 10: Iesha By ABC. For whatever reason, I sang this song to a girl who wasn't named Iesha and she dug it. That was in like 5th grade while at Long Lake on a camping trip. She then told me I was "hunky". I have no idea why I thought kickin' Iesha to her would win her over, but it did. We dated for a whole 3 days.

I guess I thought I had more relevant stuff to say on this, but I was amazed at how connected certain songs are to memories.

I keep waiting to play Summertime by ye' old Fresh Prince, but Minneapolis is lagging behind on the sunny weather.

Other than that, the Lakers/Celtics are back to the classic finals in the NBA. And yes, my Cubs currently hold the best record in baseball and have more people going to the All-Star then any other team. 100 years and maaaaaybe another title?? We can only hope.

On other news, check out the St. Anthony art fair on the 14th.

-JB

Science doesn't lie

2008-05-16T21:44:00.009-05:00

So I've pretty much discovered I'm an X-men. You know how some X-men have real cool powers like blowing up stuff, flying, shooting Parmesan cheese out of their nose, adamantuim claws, kinetic abilities and the ability to teleport? Well my special power is to completely screw up any and every line I ever get in. It never fails. Say for instance I go to the grocery store for a simple item like oranges. Now I'm walking to the checkout line and notice there are ten lanes open, each lane has about 6 people with full shopping carts. But alas, there is a line with only one person in it, and she is only buying razors and gummi bears. I quickly jump into that line and think "Heck, one person in line, I'll be out of here in two minutes tops". Wrong. I can guarantee that woman will have: coupons, pay in pennies, have her prosthetic leg fall off, have a sneezing attack, have to "get one more thing quick", or just plain be half-dead. Now, if I were to get in any other line, she would go quick, but the one I choose will ALWAYS take longer then the rest. And it really doesn't matter the situation. No matter what the line is, the one I choose will suddenly become the longest line in the store.

On a scientfic note, I would like to address what some people refer to as "being shallow". Sure, I base most first impressions off of looks. We all do. Except Stevie Wonder. But I have found in my own scientific study, that by adding breast enhancements to almost any woman, it will increase their hotness (Note to the reader: when you see me in public, please do not punch me in the neck or scream at me). I will address my two top reasons for this:

Reason 1.

Halle Berry. Ok, let's not kid ourselves. Halle has been hot since day one (remember Boomerang). But with the addition of....um....well actually a kid.

Ok my whole theory just went out the window. I was going to do a segment on Halle Berry and Christina Aguilera getting way hotter in the past six months, but it's pretty much due to the fact they had kids. So maybe it is the addition of kids that makes you hot. Oooooor not. But some moms are not hot what-so-ever. Take for instance Tori Spelling, Kati Holmes, Liv Tyler, Melissa Joan Heart, Michelle Williams, Jamie Lynn Spears, Nicole Ritchie and of course Madonna. Why is it some women get super good looking when they have a child, and some lose their hotness all together (example A: Katie Holmes in Dawsons Creek = hot, Katie Holmes with Tom Cruise = uggo). Wow, this blog took an odd turn. I was all hyped up on hotties, and it spun into a posting about baby mamas......

So I finally put a brake on my bike. I know, I know I dropped a few cool points. But anywho, I went for about 40 miles today. Next purchase-gloves. It hurts to rest my palms on the keyboard....

In unrelated news, I checked my grades for the semester and I'm all A's like Oakland. I really need to work on my bay-area humor.

So I can't remember the guys name (he's pretty much a second rate Demetri Martin) but some points made me laugh.

-They should open up a restaurant called I Don't Care so I can finally go to that place my girlfriends keep talking about.

Actually, that was the only part about his bit that was funny.....

Anywho, hope everyone is up for Memorial weekend. Not that it means anything other than a Monday off.

Peace out.

-JB

My cover girl

2008-05-13T12:10:00.004-05:00

Remember that New Kids on the Block song, Cover girl? Well, me neither. But any-who, as class is non-existing and spare time is abundant, I've tried to catch some of the morning shows on TV. Today I found someone I would like to put down a hole and never see again. Her name: Kathy Lee Gifford. I sorta remember her from the mid 90's being annoying about her lame kids and jocking Regis, but for whatever reason, she has morphed into a demoness. I listened to her rant for about 5 minutes about nothing. I wanted to poke my own eyes out after that.

I sent NBC a nice email asking for her immediate removal. Along with that, I would like to replace her spot with Jack Bauer. I don't know if NBC really cares about it though.....

On an unrelated note, Summer feels like it's almost here. I went for a run today, but it was about to rain, so I went back home. The fun never stops.....

Maybe the Celtics will get their game back and put away those pesky Cavs. We can only hope.

Advice from el Jon

2008-05-07T08:48:00.011-05:00

Dear Jon: I'm getting married this coming year. My soon to be wife is really into country music and I'm not. She wants our first song to be a country one, I want something more traditional. Do you have any ideas that would help us??

Sincerely, Mr. No Song.

Dear Mr. No Song,

You should really consider the songs: "Rico Suave, Jump (by Kris Kross), Do Wah Diddy by 2 Live Crew, I want to sex you up by Color Me Badd, Anything by Master P or Party all the time by Eddie Murphy. If all else fails, put in some New Kids on the Block. Hope this helps.

Dear Jon,

I'm really into this girl in one of my courses. She's really hot, and...well...I'm not so good looking. What can I do to get her to look my way?

Sincerely, Need a hint.

OK, listen up Need-a-hint,
The first thing you need to do is get her to know who you are. Walk up, look her in the eyes and say "Its about to get snappy in here". She won't have a clue what you are talking about, but she'll be thinking about you the rest of the day. Now, the next step is buy her something nice. Women LOVE presents. So buy her something nice like a mirror, a bottle of water, or laundry detergent. She'll think your the sweetest guy in the world, but her boyfriend won't approve (I'm assuming she's got a boyfriend because she's really good looking). Ok, to get rid of this arm candy she's carrying around, call Jimmy Bells down at 39th. It'll cost you about 10K, but it won't come back to you. Ok, since Jimmy is a little nuts, he'll probably kidnap you instead. So my next tidbit of advice is when you're riding to the middle of nowhere in his trunk, try to chew through the ropes, when you do that, hit the release switch in the back of the trunk (its a yellow tab). Pop open the trunk and run. I'm guessing you'll be by a river somewhere, so jump in and grab hold of a large Carp and surf it back home. Ok, next thing is to get some new clothes on (this girl won't like you smelling like river water). Go to her place and bring some food (I recommend the 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell). She'll thank you so much, she'll break up with her boyfriend, be with you and you will both live happily ever after.

Dear Jon,

You are like, the COOLEST person ever. All I want to be is your girlie. What can I do to make you turn??

-Every girl in the world.

Every girl,
Sorry, I can't help you on this one.

Dear Jon,
I have a dead-end job and need to get out. The problem is that I make a lot of money, but I'm not happy here. On the flip side, the people here NEED me. This place would crumble without me here. And I'm not sure where else I could work that would provide comedy like my current situation.
-Michael Scott

Mr. Scott,
I think it would be unwise for you to leave. I also think that you should not sabotage your current situation or allow people that work below you to leave and start a spin-off show (we saw what happened to Joey). Hope this helps.

Dear Mr. B.
Can I trust a big butt and a smile?
-Anonymous

Anonymous,
Of course NOT! Has BBD taught you nothing?

So as it sits, these are the extent to my advice-giving. On other notes...

I finally got my typewriter! I'm pumped like Reebok shoes! The only downside is that I won't be posting anything from the typewriter on here....problems with technology I guess.

The Celtics are up 2 games. Hoootie hoooo

So the Declaration of Independence is on display at the History center. I went and saw it today. Quite amazing in person...That's the best thing to do on these rainy days.

Damn these allergies.

That's it, I'm out.

There's usually a first time

2008-04-27T19:07:00.019-05:00

I can remember my first kiss like it was yesterday. I was a young buck in the 5th grade, playing hide and go seek in Nicole's' basement with her and her brother. She hid under a coffee table that had a white sheet over it. Me, being the smooth dude I was, hid under the same coffee table. She was so pissed that I was under her table, but I leaned forward and kissed her smack dab on the nose. Surprise! She grabbed the collar of my shirt, twisted it up in her fist, and pushed my head into the leg of the table. Let's just say our date didn't work out so well. Later in life, we had the romantic date life that lasted 3 weeks. And in the 6th grade, that's a lifetime. I can remember my last kiss like it was 20 minutes ago. Why is that?? Why do the first things, and last things stick into our minds, while the middle ones, seem to dissolve into one another? Here's a sidenote: My first real kiss was in the 6th grade with a girl named Jessica. We actually made a time and place that we were going to kiss (behind the loading dock at Field school at 3pm). We then decided who was "going to lead". It was the most awesome/awkward experience. Every day after that (for a month), before I walked home and she got on the bus, we met. I heard she's a "dancer" now. And not a very good looking one...dodged that bullet!

The first time I wrote something with the intent of it being good was in the 6th grade with Ryan and David. We passed along a notebook that was supposed to be about us getting with girlies. They would write stuff about them "humping girls all day", and my sections were about me stealing their underwear then putting itching powder in it, then returning it without them knowing. Let's just say Dave and Ryan didn't let me do anymore smut writings when most my stories ended up with me somehow picking up a water tower with my bare hands, and dancing in the streets to Cantaloop.

The last time I wrote something with the intent of being good was a short story about a guy who relates all his life's problems to magnets. "Some people attract me, others repel me, either way, the person and the magnet need that other part to have a reaction". Trust me, it isn't that good, but I wrote it with the intent of being good and clever....But I can't seem to recall any of the thousands of writings I have done in between. All the essays, poems, letters, books, articles, journals or even blogs! I can think of the significant ones, but not the minor ones.

The first time I can remember being really scared was when I was about 8 at this sideshow fair. For those who know about Valleyfair, this place used to be that carnival thing about 3 miles away. Thank god they tore that place down. Any-who, there was this "elevator" that took you through scary scenes. I was with my aunt and really wanted to go on it. So she let me....alone. It started and about 3 seconds into it I started freaking out. I was balling like....like.....like an 8 year old trapped in a horror elevator! Finally the sideshow freak who was running the "ride" stopped it and let me out. I think that's where I get the claustrophobia from...oh the repressed emotions from childhood.

The last time I really freaked out in a bad way, is when I thought I was going to die on my bicycle (the last post in case you missed it). I really thought I was done for. No brakes, no control, no hope. But alas, in both cases I came out unharmed. I'm sure I've been freaked out plenty of times in my life (hanging out on rolling trains, highway sign painting, back of cop cars etc...), but again, it's the first and last times that stick out the most.

I can also remember the first time I got REALLY hurt. I was cruising down a hill on my bicycle (I'm starting to see a trend here) during a wonderful Minnesota summer. So needless to say, I was t-shirtless, and rocking my super awesome muscles (this kid pictured is not me however). As I was cruising down this hill, I came to an un-forseen hazard--road construction. Why don't they put up signs or blinkie orange lights around here!?!? Anyway, I'm speeding away, not paying any attention to what's going around me, and the tires suddenly lose traction and start skidding out underneath me. The bike does a side slide, and I went down-and I slid for a good 40 feet on sand and gravel with no shirt on, shorts, and no shoes. The worst part about the whole thing is that I was about two miles away from my house. So I needed to hobble my bike home all busted up and embarrassed.

And the last time I really got hurt is lame. I was walking around barefoot over the fall, and stubbed my toe on my parents deck. It sounds boring and uneventful, but I was semi-running when I did it. I spun halfway around and knocked into the fence. Next thing I knew I couldn't walk for two days and I'm pretty sure I sprained it.

But alas, I don't really remember my first day of school. I remember short instances of a pre-school Jon being all cool, but I don't remember the day itself. I DO however remember my last day of school, and that was today!

On random notes:

The new Roots album (Rising Down) is actually pretty good. Check it out if you get a minute.

Now that school is done, more time can be spent on the book, reading and taking flicks.

I'm not sure why, but I dig the smell of libraries. Especially really old ones. That's nerdy isn't it?? Oh well.

I should be an advice column writer. Perhaps that is a new blog post in the future......or I'll include it into the book somewhere.

I hate doing the dishes. Above all, doing dishes is the worst of the household chores.

I should hit up the Riverview one of these nights.

I still haven't gotten my tabs for the bike. The roads are prime and weather is good, but I'm not on it.

Teaching 8th graders reminds me of how old I am (in relation to the new generations). But at the same time, how young I still am.

Any-who, I'm outy 5000. Be on the look out for a cool kid who might steal your steeze.

Spring time, and the living's easy

2008-04-21T09:29:00.007-05:00

So it's spring time in Minnesota. You know what that means? That's right, a-squared, plus b-squared, equals c-squared! But on a real note, it means its time to come outside. So the weekend was buttery-nice to say the least! One exception: I almost killed myself on a bicycle.

So I get this urge to finally take my fixie down a real hill and make sure I can control it. Easy right?? No sir. I decided that the best hill for this is 50th street. I get it to where 35w is (since the bridge is taken out), and start heading down. All is good, until about 1/3rd of the way down. Oh snap, I'm going faster than I can control. And lets face it, I'm not exactly familiar with the handlebars yet. As I'm cruising down the hill at warp-fast speeds, I started thinking about stuff: Lando and the Millennium Falcon, Why did Kelly and Zach get married in Vegas? If I did fly over these handlebars--could I land on my feet? Nerds rope, Frank Sinatra, Peeps - and how they're still horrible, Garry Shandling, Bo Jackson, That kid in the toilet paper commercial who uses toilet paper as football padding and kool aid. As the bike is shaking like me next to an upper tank, I start wobbling back and forth on 50th. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die here. I'm still pretty lucky at this point because there are no cars.

I get to the bottom of the hill and still flying at warp speed. As I start to straighten out, I can finally get the pedals to slow down to a reasonable rate. I was pale white in the face, and my knuckles were bleached too. I felt like throwing that bike in the creek, but decided that walking home was lame, so I biked it. The next thing I did was go to the bike shop to get foot clamps and a front brake put on that thing. So my coolness level went down a bit, but my life expectancy may have increased a great deal. How does Mike Boo do this day in and day out in San Fran?? I remember going down quite a few steep hills with him, but he never had a problem! But on my first time, I almost ended up in Bill and Teds Bogus Journey.

On another note, the Vikings may have pulled another Hershal Walker and signed Jared Allen for way too many draft picks. Great. AND the Wild are one and done in the playoffs. Its great to be from Minnesota........

So I'm sorta tossing around an idea to write about the first and last times we've done something. Most of us can remember the first girl we kissed, the last girl, but never all those in between. We can remember the first car we were in, the last, but not the middle. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but it may be a good idea (or a horrible flop).

If any of you get a free minute, go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Its the trillest. Dracula rock ballad?? Classic....

Has anyone else seen Class of 1984? I've been looking for it everywhere, but it's apparently not in most movie stores....

My new quote that I said the other day, and I'm pretty sure I've NEVER heard anyone else say it before-- "Sometimes you have to go out on a limb - that's where the fruit is". I hope no one famous has said that because I want to get into one of those books of "daily quotes".

close, but not quite yet.

2008-04-15T22:12:00.003-05:00

So these past few weeks have been busier than normal (hense the lack of whitty blogs)....gee wiz. So prior to contrary belief, I have not done the following: Joined up with the Warriors and am bopping back to Coney, Participating in a water ski competition to save a summer camp, buying a snowplow business, Building a flux capacitator, writing a movie called "Back to the Wolf" in which current day Michael J Fox travels back in time to meet himself as teenwolf, or playing goalie for the Wild......

So with that said, I'm out! I'll be back in a few days or so...

So THAT'S what that feeling is....

2008-03-30T22:21:00.011-05:00

(I'm not sure what this cool cupcake has to do with anything, but it fit the theme I guess).

So as most of you know, this past weekend, the original Jon B was an official History Day judge. That's right, they put me in charge of kids futures in relation to school! Needless to say it was a great experience. Afterwards, a few sociology majors and me are talking about important things like the proper way to eat a marshmallow, when a girl comes up behind me and politely taps me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was one of the girls I judged. She says "Thanks for being my judge at the fair, it was really awesome, and I got voted into State". I replied that it was my pleasure and she should continue to pursue her interests in history. But then I got this feeling in my stomach. I assumed it was a kidney stone, but it wasn't. I took some Tums to try to combat the feeling, but it wouldn't go away. I then realized that the feeling wasn't indigestion, but the warm fuzzies. I did a good deed, and this is the feeling you get afterwards. The feeling quickly left when I put hot mustard in someones Coke as a prank....The feeling became one of hard-stomach-laughing!

This picture has nothing to do with anything, except that it reminded me of a young me...at least the kid has his hands full of priorities....

And the Twins won thier first game, but until they go out and find Bo Jackson, I doubt they'll win the World Series anytime soon...The Cubs on the other hand, will win it all this year. Mark my words my good friends. It is the Cubs' year!

Reasons why I can't keep a girlfriend

2008-03-25T14:54:00.007-05:00

I'ts pretty much fictional, but enjoyable none the less....

I answer the question "What are you thinking about?" and "What's your fantasy?" truthfully.

I find it ridiculous to write a Facebook post to anyone I have talked to in the last thirty minutes.
I have the song "Bitches Ain't Shit" on my ipod and refuse to acknowledge that "Hey, There Delilah" is "our" song.
I repeatedly misinterpret the word "sure" for "yes" and the phrase "Everything's fine" for "Everything's fine."
I quote movie lines slightly incorrect right before they are said.
I religiously pee in the shower.
My sex drive exponentially increases when I'm told that you're "trying to fall asleep."
I have confidence that Hallmark sums up my feelings pretty well.
I enjoy being alone some nights.
I laugh after thinking that the rhyme should be two in the pink, some of the pinky in the stink, SLAP, "Crap!" Tap, tap, tap (footsteps).
I play the guitar poorly and often.
I can't stop, addicted to the shin dig.
I can't fall asleep if any part of anyone is touching me either directly or indirectly.
My pet names for you always involve your tits and some sort of candy. "Licorice Tits"
I would rather just give you 20 dollars cash than 20 dollars in a gift card.
I compare any problem we have to either an episode of Boy Meets World (Shawn and Corey) or Scrubs (JD and Turk).
I don't find it necessary to wash hands after onezies.
I believe that jeans are the only clothing item that can be worn for two months straight on a three day rotation and not be disgusting.
I stand by the ratio that two hours of Wii sports is equivalent to one hour of the real sport excluding bowling which is nearly a 1:1.
I define sleeping in as missing breakfast and some of lunch, not 9:00 A.M.
I am very afraid to poop in your apartment, resulting in a lot of sudden ends to dates and/or movies.
If I find a synthetic fiber in my bed before I fall asleep, I floss with it. If I find floss in my bathroom before I go to bed, I don't.
I didn't know there was such a thing as a four-month anniversary.
I can only play the first nine seconds of "Blackbird" on my guitar.
I tried using that, "I didn't know you had a sister!" joke with your mom but it turned into a fight about how I never listen to you.
I sing songs that I "know" on the radio by emphasizing the last word of each line right after it is said.
I think I know how to dance.
I wear cologne and spray my junk twice for good luck.
I share my cell phone plan with my entire family which gives me just under three minutes a day to speak.
I don't send you enough bumper stickers on Facebook and when I do they never work.
I always forget which friends of yours I get to make fun of.
I would rather watch Sideways and Meatballs4 instead of hanging out with you.
The ratio of "shoulder to upper-inner-thigh" massages I give is roughly 1:100.
If I'm smiling, I'm happy. If I'm coughing, I'm sick. If I'm sleeping, I'm just tired, not pissed off.
I'd rather do one long thirty-minute snooze than six, five-minute snoozes.
When you ask me to pick you up at seven, I will show up at seven. If you want me to come earlier, ask me to come earlier.
I am a firm believer that there is a time and place for everything, except handjobs and Sex and the City re-runs.

Thanks College humor for making Jon B laugh today!

2 posts 2 days?? Whats this world comming to!?!?!?!

A shinebone is a usefull tool to find tables and park benches in the dark.-remember these wise words from Jon B!!

Cool like this, yes, cool like that

2008-03-25T09:46:00.008-05:00

Something about ninjas is just funny. I don't know why. Some people tell me that they are played out like the Chuck Norris phase. I usually just hit those people in the kneecap with throwing star or something. They change their tune about ninjas REAL quick.

So one of the books that got me into writing (Frog Prince), is getting made into a movie. I think its going to be released in 2009 or something. Perhaps I should audition or something, but from what Dane tells me, its the kid who was in 3rd Rock From the Sun. I don't remember the guys name....

In a sidenote of funny, I will be one of the head judges for the Minnesota History Day fair. I would be one the last people you would want to put the hopes and dreams of students in....It should be trill. I get to dress up all smooth and ask questions like "How did this particular project reinforce or challenge your stereotypical views of what modern, popular culture, has? Cool right?? I didn't write that on my own, it's actually a real question. Questions I would ask are : Have you ever seen the movie Disorderlies starring the Fat Boys?? No? Sorry kid you fail. Question 2: Are fries better plain, or covered in cheese? Question 3: Whats your opinion on 2 Live Crew? Question 4: What is your stance on Zubas being brought back?? Question 5: Why wasn't Chris Tucker in Friday 2???? Why?!Why?!Why?!......sorry, random outburst.

On the list of cool things to happen, Twins start up in a little bit. I would be so much happier if we had some A-list players (Torii, Johan, Lew, Bo Jackson). I have a feeling that the Twins will share the same season as the Timberwolves. And by that, I mean barley being able to defeat Division 3 college teams. But mark my words, my Cubs are taking it home this year. Its been 99 years since their last championship, so how awesome would it be on the 100th year, they do it?? Hey, a young boy can dream right?? Remember what Ferris said?? "You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.". Not like that quote has a lot to do with anything right now. I just thought that since Ferris was a cubbies fan, he should get some daps in here.

Since all my close friends moved to the 4 corners of the country, I feel like I should move away for a while. To Washington or Boston or something East. Maybe while I work on the Masters and attend Boston College. Hey, in between class I can catch a Celtics game and hang out with Larry Bird. Who knows.....The blog wouldn't be as cool as "Bostonsgreatest" though.

For those who get busy with the music, if you dig The Cool Kids, check out Pacific Division.

I have a feeling this is going to be a loooong week. It's only Tuesday and I'm worn out.
Sigh.

What Ski School has taught me about life

2008-03-23T21:12:00.007-05:00

Every so often, a movie comes along that completely puts your life into perspective. Ski School was that movie for me while I was growing up. It pretty much taught me everything I could ever want to know about life, love and women. I re watched it tonight, and found that this movie is partly why I almost end up in jail every month. But, it also influenced some of the random things that spill from my cranium. Some things I have taken from this movie...

1. If life gets you down, just drink beer and throw a party. I mean c'mone, the authorities are threatening your whole outlook and purpose in life. Do you think it through as how to stop them? Heck no bro! Throw a kegger and party away those blues. It will fix itself in the end.

2. Women are easy. If you're a guy and you comb your hair like Zack Morris and crack a witty joke here and there, women will be ALL over you. Sometimes, they will want to sleep with you within the first 5 minutes of knowing them.

3. All the women at EVERY party are hot. And I'm not talking about a little-above-average-hot, I'm talking smokin' hot. So hot, that they melt the ice in your drink.

4. Women loved to be stalked. If you just keep trying, and trying, and trying, and trying, they will eventually realize that your one of the good guys, and totally sleep with you. If you're not sure how to approach a girl, just position yourself on top of a garage at night and stare at them while they are in a hot tub. If/when they see you, they will totally be into it, and suddenly, you're the new boyfriend.

5. Women hate bras. They will take them off anywhere to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling. In the hottub, closet, ski slope and EVERY party they go to. As a guy, you should help them along with this. They will thank you in the end. Also, no woman on planet earth apparently has an A or B cup....

6. A party ain't a party unless there's black lights and neon. Imagine for a minute your at a party under they typical fluorescent lighting listening to Hungry like the wolf. Pretty lame right?? Now throw on some neon face and body paint along with some neon green and pink hats under a black light. That party suddenly became a million times cooler.

7.If you're dad owns a business, you need to make the poor peoples life miserable. I think this is pretty self explanatory. Also, you are allowed to forcefully pick up any chick that's in a room.

8. If you have beef with someone, ski it out. Who cares about yelling and throwing punches outside of a bar after closing?? If you and Joe Schmo have some issues, take it to the slopes! He made out with your girl? Ski....He punched your dog? Ski...He put ants in your bed while you slept? SKI IT OUT!!!!

9. Pranks are one of the greatest things in life. Especially if you can video tape them doing something outrageous and play it during their important speech. Put ants in the bed, itching powder in the undies or subliminally talk to them in their sleep so they think a certain way! Either way you slice it my friend, chicks love pranks. If you prank their boyfriend, they will leave that nerd in a SECOND for you.

10. Being the new guy in town is great. ALL the girls will think you're so mysterious, the cool-pranksters will welcome you, and the rich snobby kids (who you don't like anyway) will hate you immediately. You will be able to make out with any girl you want and run a muck.

Also, for some reason, only white people exist in snow-heavy climates......

So I guess that was just a little introverted look into my life and why I think spooning is so wonderful.

There's something rather calming about snow falling at night. It seems that it's happening more and more here in Minneapolis. I am eager for spring to arrive and thaw out these frozen ambitions.

On an unrelated note, stay away from 46th street off 35W. It seems that the on and off ramp are closed, AND the bridge is going to be closed for a while.....oh those MNDoT nerds....

Jon B-The 1 live crew

2008-03-22T05:02:00.002-05:00

First of all, i would like to state that bars that don't carry 2 Live Crew on their jukebox and/or satellite collection, should be ashamed. All I wanted was a little Doo Wah Diddy, and I had to settle for Jefferson Starship. I guess that's OK...

Second, heaven must taste like an orange energy drink. I have thought about writing an entire tv pilot based on John Travolta and Tony Danza and Joose. It will come out one day. I promise.

Thirdly, hanging out with the trillest of trill people all night is great. I mean GREAT. Apparently, I am one humorous cat when it comes down to it. I mean, who can state that the only way women dig him is by drinking mouthwash and also has a fascination with knifes and forks that spoon?? We finally decided that my thinking process is like a 9-lane highway that suddenly comes to a 1 lane road that goes into the tunnel. Of the ten thousand cars (or thoughts) that try to get through, only a few can pass into the tunnel. Sometimes they're great ideas and notions, other times they are uncomfortably random. The others are either forced to wait, or end up in a junk pile.

I often wonder: If Purina cat chow is made with real tuna, how come I can't eat it??

All Joose and no play make Jon a fun boy!

Nothin wrong with a little baby fat-fat! (speaking of that, everyone should check out De La Souls Baby Phat),

As soon as Sammie gets pics online, I'll try to put some on here.

I really want to go the the gym right now, but I know there are going to be farting old people there until the afternoon.

Most random text I've gotten in a long time: (from Mike Boo). "Walking by the Marcy Projects right now".

I like nachos. But not nachos that require work to find the chips at the bottom of all that gooey goodness.

April 3rd- The return of good TV comes back!

Its odd how some smells can bring ya back.

So in filling out my final four bracket, I entered the champion as the Bayside Tigers. I'm still waiting for a reply email from someone saying "that's not even a team in the bracket".

Its good to be me sometimes. If other people spoke and did the ridiculous things I do, they would be shunned. But when I do it, it suddenly becomes funny.

I also came upon history/politics books that were printed in 1874 (given by my aunt). That made me quite surprised and very intrigued considering I'm co-writing a book about American History told through texts......

Conceited, stuck up, self centered, arrogant, cocky -all words that other people call me these days.....hmm.

My week of surviving off peanut butter and jelly, turkey and tuna sandwiches should be over come Monday. Kristens cooking....mmmmmmmmm.

So I'm reading this article about attracting women, and its number 4 item was :Don't rap. Are you kidding me?? How is a smooth talker such as myself supposed to NOT rap?!?! impossible task....that's my bread and butter move!

I have way too many thoughts right now...plus I need some sleep. Maybe I should pick up the book and continue on........

Somewhat lost but not forgotten

2008-03-13T11:57:00.007-05:00

So the other day I'm talking to Kristen, and I say "Psshhhh, I'm smoother than Gerardo". She was puzzled to say the least. She really had no clue who Gerardo was. I then pose the question "Ok, how about Rico Suave"? And she immediately knew who that was. I started to feel bad for ol' Gerardo. I mean, not many people on earth know you by your name, but everyone seems to know you by a tune you created. No one seems to care that you are one of the greatest performing artists off all time, let alone one of the best song writers EVER! You don't believe me? well let me just give you a sample of the lyrical stylings of the Gerardo::

So please don't judge a book by its cover/There's more to being a Latin lover/You got to know how to deal with a woman/That won't let go/The price you pay for being a gigolo.

Can you really deny this guy?? I would rank him up there with Bob Dylan and Herbie Hancock as popular musicians!!

I've decided to find this guy and do a reality show. It is going to involve him doing some kind of dance moves over and over. I haven't thought this show all the way through (obviously). Perhaps I can have him be a life coach or something. On a sidenote, where was this guy during all these "celebrity" shows?? Like dancing with the stars?? I'll tell you why they never called him: Because all the female judges would want to knock boots with this guy, and really, who could blame them.

Here's a secret: Somewhere in my trunk, there is a large orange 'S'. And somewhere at the Mall of America, someone is agreeing with this display. Enjoy......

It also seems that here in the good old city of snow, we are finally ending the cold weather. It was about 50 degrees and sunny today, and if it weren't for my pestering cold, I would have been out on either the bicycle or fitting into some nice running shoes.

I sometimes wish I still got a summer vacation.....

Speaking of a summer vacation, I need to hop a plane, train or automobile to somewhere in the US this year. Any ideas???

Books and crooks and books more!

2008-03-09T18:39:00.008-05:00

"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers."
-Charles W. Eliot, The Happy Life, 1896

It's strange, as a teen, I didn't care much for reading. Now that I've grown older, I've come to appreciate all that it is. I sometimes lose time while in a bookstore. One hand full of warm coffee, the other fingering through pages of lived experiences. This semester of school is a dragging one (but hey, which one has been easy?). Once it is all over, I fully plan to finish writing the book. It's been pieced together here and there over the past year or so. Fiction has become a rarity in my life, which has been a rather unpleasant fact. Don't get me wrong, Zinn and Ward are wonderful to read, but I sometimes long for those stories that aren't based on real events. Those are the ones that often make your real life better.

On an unrelated note, I finally got the chance to see the Russian Museum of Art in Minneapolis. I can't really put it into words, but it's well worth the price of admission ($5). Top it off with some Alexander Pushkin and some Peter and the Wolf, and you have yourself an interesting night.

And on another unrelated note, Drew will be in town in a few days. It's always good when the foundations of your life come up to the windows every once in a while for a visit. As you can see, this is a very crooked photo of Drew at my house (circa 1999) eating Ramen noodles and letting me know about the Westside....

I also posed 2 questions that I haven't quite been able to shake out of my head. 1. How much of our life is the result of luck, whether good or bad? 2. If given the chance, what part of your life would you re-do? Either relive, or change completely? Maybe I will resolve these in the coming weeks and include them into the book somehow.....

Daylight savings time is lame. I still haven't adjusted....guh.

Happy Sunday. - Jon

4

2008-03-04T11:57:00.015-06:00

I guess numb is the feeling that best describes the way I feel. After 17 years Brett decided to hang it up. I can't believe it. 17 years, not a single game missed. It's not like we're talking ping pong here, its pro football. For the good and bad times, the largest portion of my life has been set to Sundays watching the Packers play. Players have come and gone, but one stayed the same.

I still have drawings I did from the 6th grade. They are of Brett Favre throwing a pass to Sterling Sharpe. It's funny how some things change, and others stay continual.

Over the past few hours I've been hearing about "The greatest quarterbacks ever" speeches. And people are actually arguing about it. That's something that is open to interpretation for everyone. Do I consider Favre the best of all time? No. Is he my personal favorite player of all time. Yes. And that leads me to argue that he is the best. I would take Elway, Montana and Marino before Favre as the best ever. But if I had to pick one player to watch over, and over, it would be Favre-hands down. C'mone, I like Kemp way more than I ever liked Jordan.

The worst part about him leaving is that his last NFL pass was an interception. An interception that allowed the Giants to go to the Superbowl. I would feel a whole lot better if Favre retired after a Superbowl appearance. But I guess that only happens in fantasy land (cough*cough Elway).

I honestly can't seem to find the words to write, so I'll leave it at that.

I must admit, the next time I watch the Packers play, there is going to be a very large void there. Oddly, I know I won't be the only one who notices it.

Leap days a go-go

2008-02-29T13:01:00.007-06:00

Holy snap, its' leap day! And for whatever reason, it has been one of the best days of all time. Why you ask? Because it has been. I will break it down real quick for you.

For starters, I have found the long lost dvd that is Meatballs 4. Ryan had rumored that it existed, and even showed me his copy. I have spent the last 2 months searching every store for the holy grail of bad movies. And today, I found it. I was so pumped, I actually yelled out "Oh Sniz-ap" in Best Buy. I freaked out a lady next to me who assumed I was going to steal her purse. I then did the 'baseball bat dance'. But what made the taste of victory even sweeter, was that I also found Ski School. Can you believe it?!?!? Someone was there buying American Gangster and I leaned over to her as she was checking out and said "pssshh, that movie is weak compared to the Feld." and then I showed her my movie. She gave me a very confused look and I left. Speaking of bad movies, I need to find: Disorderlies and Ski Patrol for my collection....

Then I got my haircut. Getting your haircut in Minnesota on a sunny day (and it's actually above 32 degrees) is awesome. I even had to throw in Summertime by the Fresh Prince while I got cut up.

I then made my way to the bakery so I can buy my every-Friday-muffin. There were no pistachio muffins in the case and I almost shed a tear. I asked the baker where they were, and he told me they were just getting done. Ooooooh, a hot muffin is oh so good! As I was checking out, I heard one of the dumbest, yet greatest quotes ever::

Lady to cashier (while writing a check)- Gosh, February 29th, I can't remember the last time we had a leap year.
Cashier- you know, I can't either. It has to have been a while.
Me (as I walked past them). You both must be half-retarded, it was 4 years ago.

They started mumbling something, but I just kept walking.

Spring Break is next week. I will be attending the National Social Studies conference. Not quite Cancun, but cool none the less.

I also pulled a prank (that I will not repeat telling because I've been scolded by every because of it) about 2 months ago, that is finally starting to pay off. It is quite possibly one of the cleverest, rawest, most insensitive things I have ever pulled off. Kudos to myself.

Drew will be back home in less than a month. Let the trillness begin.

I found an original copy of Too Shorts Get In Where You Fit In today. I threw it on the deck, and no scratches or anything. A gem if I do say so myself. If you have not heard this album, you're seriously missing out my friend.

That's about it, though the day is still young. Hopefully tonight will be dope with a capital D.

Well, that's about it yall. The book should be done by the end of summer, so keep an eye out. I still don't have a title yet....

I have no idea who this kid is, but I found this
picture, and it reminded me as a young 13 year old. Zubas, Cross Color shirt and Michigan hat. Oh how cool I was back in the day....

On a random side note, I will (finally) graduate December 20th.

I think I'm going on EBAY to find some Zubas...and a snap bracelet.

Older, not so wiser

2008-02-23T09:01:00.004-06:00

So another birfday (yes, birfday) has come and gone, and as I am over halfway to 50 now, I feel I should be "getting older". But I don't. For instance, I'm still down with a water gun fight at 6am, sledding behind a car after a snowfall, sledding down dangerous hills at highs speeds and all other kinds of shenanigans. As I grow older, I am coming to one thought: I may never die. Now I know this sounds nuts, but here me out. Actually, it is a nutty though...so never mind.

I've also been really feeling random of late and here are some thoughts....(or pointless statements).

-I found my path to ride my bicycle from Minneapolis to Duluth. It should take 13 hours.

- Joose is great. I knew it was good, but it is great.

- I was told by some other colleagues in my teaching department, and they said I was the "go to guy" if they wanted to work in a group and get an A. That was trill.

- Hockey is cooler when it's in college (sorry Wild).

- In a very un-gay way, I miss Mike, Drew, Steve, Bickle and Victor. All the people that influenced me as a person have moved away. Had these people not been in the right place at the right time (as far as my life goes), I would be one of the lamest people ever. Thanks guys.

-I have re-fallen in love with smooth love jams that come on the radio at 1am. I don't really care about the music, tunes, lyrics or the artist, I just love when they ad lib and say "waaaaaaaahhhh giiiiirrrrllll".

-If life hands you lemons, you ponder if they should have been grapefruits.

- With no set summer courses this year, watch out for Jon B on a rock climbing adventure near you!

- In relation to my biking to Duluth trip, I am not as sexy as I thought in my biking shorts.

- You know those flicks of Lohan in the NY Magazine?? Well after seeing those, I've decided freckles are only cute on the face, not the entire body......

- Christina Aguilera is hot. She was pretty dope before her kid, but the chestile area has improved in a major way.

- "Oh Snap" is not used as much as I would like it to be......

- Older women are hot. Not the elderly lady, but those in between 28-43 can be the best looking group out there (in some instances).

Well I need to go and finish writing a paper. I just needed some random time. Thanks for peepsin' .

-JB

Big L

2008-02-16T13:45:00.003-06:00

Well folks, its been 9 years since Big L died. And I would argue that most people agree, if he was around today, hiphop would be mad different. I still think his last album was one of my favorite of all time. By far one of the greatest MC's of all time. Period. Check this listening of L and Jay Z back in the day. Even though Jay was older, L outshined him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfKMIdoJL0&feature=related

Happy fat baby with a bag o' arrows day

2008-02-14T08:09:00.009-06:00

Well, its valentines day, and you know what that means? Unexpected VD......

But on to more important issues.

Have you ever noticed the very loose use of the word "sports"? Ok, I think the general public can agree on certain things: One of those things should be what sports are. And the other thing should be what are not sports.... Is hunting a sport? I doubt it. If you sit in a tree above the woods with a high powered rifle and shoot a deer, that's a little unfair. Thats like putting TeenWolf against present day Michael J Fox in a game of basketball (I know I just offeneded a TON of people). Now if you chase after a bear with a sharpend toothbrush you made in jail, THAT'S a sport! Poker: Not a sport. If you can drink beer and smoke a cigar while doing an activity, it is not a sport.
Golf: Yes, I agree it is a game, but not quite a sport--case and point is this guy swinging away....

Racing: Not a sport. You're in a car going fast...not exactly a sporting activity. Though I don't know how many people consider it sporting anyway. I do hear the arguement "But Jon, they're going like 200 miles an hour"! Ok, that's great except the fact that EVERYONE else is going that fast. It would be a lot cooler if they threw a guy in there who was racing a Daewoo or something.

Fishing: Not a sport. See "Drinking and smoking arguement"....

Ice Fishing: Even less of a sport......

Bowling: Not a sport. I've bowled, and I'm horrible to say the least. I once boweled an 18. No joke.

Thumb wrestling: A sport all the way! If you think differently, I will challenge you to the death!

Pool: No way is this a sport. Actually, most, if not all, turn-based activities are not sports.

Curling: Sport? Guess again. Lets play in Miami and not on the god-forsaken ice.

Why does ESPN air the National Spelling Bee? Is this considered a sport? I have no clue......

So I'm still waiting for the DirectTV guy to come and install my cable. He's supposed to be here beween 8am and noon. I have a hunch he'll be here at 11:58am.

I've been feeling really random lately, like thats anything new. I can't seem to wait for spring. I got this slammin' bike in the garage that is getting no usage because of this cold and snow.

Where is Patrick Swayze? and why is he not making a new movie with Ralph Macchio?

I might be Spring Breakin' with Ryan Ritchie in St Paul this year. It's been a running college joke for about 6 years now.

Speaking of Spring Breakin', Joose is the best thing to happen to nightlife in years!

You know those smooth jams that come on the radio real late at night? I've been rockin' out to those on my way home from work for the past month.....Oh yeah baby..

Well, thats about it. I need to get back to homework because I have papers upon papers to do, and an exam to study for.

So peace out to Gary Coleman and his monster of a wife.....if you haven't seen her, google it. She is too horrible looking for me to put on here.

So I will leave you with some of my favorite valentine quotes:

Girl you look good, why don't you back that thing up- Juvinille

24 flicks of Kodak/high heels and kojak -Kool Keith

I got a girl but about to switch all that/ she trying to act like she all that - Slick Rick

Actually these aren't valenine songs at all, but share the same smooth-love that rappers like. Peace out!

2008-02-09T13:25:00.000-06:00

So a lot of heads asked me to put up some San Fran videos on here. So here is one. It was from last summer when I kicked it with the Boo of Mikes. This is going across the Golden Gate Bridge. Mike boo is much triller on the bike than me.

Other than taht, not much is new....life moves pretty slow in the middle of winter.