Monday:: The day after Sunday

Whats that? The Vikings are going to beat Green Bay in Green Bay? And you're going to bet me a box of Mike and Ikes?? Time to pay up suckas! In case you missed it, the Packers beat the Vikings 34-0. Did I say beat?? I meant squashed. It's odd how a great game can start the week off so right. I never like to see players hurt, and Adrian Peterson is no exception. Besides the fact he plays under one of the worst coaches to come to the Vikings, he's a great talent. I hope it's nothing serious.

And what's with the Steelers?? Could they be the sneak attack in the AFC and route the Pats and Colts? Maybe......

Too bad for the Lions. I like John Kitna, and would like to see them do good (but not too good). -18 yards rushing? That's unheard of! Poor guys...And against the Cardinals?? Wow.

I always hear guys on the NFL networks talk about their "experts". What does it take to be an "NFL expert" for ESPN or Sports Illustrated?? I've decided that there are a few criteria: You have to be right 51% of the time, and have some coaching/playing/ lots and lots of watching experience of the game. Ok, so I played football my whole life, still semi-train for it, and am right over 50% of the time on who's going to win, so does that make me an "expert"? Yes, yes it does. So goodbye Jon the Internet funny guy, hello Jon the football expert. As I was jogging at the Y today, I was flipping through the latest edition of Sports Illustrated and they said "Don't bet on the Packers running for more than 50 yards the entire game against the Vikings. And look for the Saints to have their way against the Rams this weekend". Really wrong on both counts. So I thought "hey, I can make wacky claims about games and maybe someone will believe me, others will hate me for causing them to lose betting money:. So that will be a new section on here in the near future.

David Beckham also visited the Metradome to play soccer yesterday...As you guessed, more people showed up for the Oasis cover band in some kids garage, than watched that game. Did Pele' teach us nothing?? America doesn't care about soccer in the least. I think it's on the same plain as curling. One of the coolest things I've ever done, is watching a soccer game in the stadiums in Brazil. People in other countries get PUMPED for soccer. And its really amazing to watch, but it doesn't have the same jazz in America. Maybe one day, but Becks isn't the guy to do it.

On a very un-related note, its veterans day (observable). So go to the VFW and thank a veteran or something. WW1, 2, Korea and Vietnam are some of the most important conflicts our country has faced. And since I was more influenced by pretty-girl-chasing, playing sports, college and committing random crimes, I never joined up. I get enough of people trying to shoot at me as I walk through the hood, so I guess I never saw the draw for me to go overseas to have someone shoot at me. So for that, I thank all the people that have the ability to do that. How much we actually owe the people who fight in wars, we will never know. Had we not fought or won, our country would be obviously different. So thank someone when you can, not just today.

So happy Monday yall'! And remember:: "It's better to be injured by someone you know on accident, then by someone you don't know on purpose". -Dwight.

I also have no clue why I've been listening to Michael Jackson's "The way you make me feel" a lot lately. Though the song is good in itself, I guess I just dig people who say "Sha-c'mone" in a song.

Also, I got to see some rough cuts of the new Lost Boys 2 movie. It looks pretty good. Corey Feldman is dope as a frog brother. The only downside?? There's no Haim in the flick.

el presidente'

So people have been asking me "Yo Jon, you're kind of a politics nerd, who would make the best president in the 08 election"? Now politics is a touchy issue. People for the war, can't stand those against it, and vice versa. Some believe in global warming, rising oil prices, lead in China toys, the Spice Girls reunion-I mean, c'mone, there's a lot of hot button issues out there. I racked my brain for a while about all the candidates and came up with the ideal person for the president of the United States.......

Bill Bellamy from MTV.




I mean, really, this guys is great. He hosted MTV Jams AND the Beach House. Not even Obama can top that. And let us not forget the classic flicks How to be a Player and Love Stinks. Not to mention he is the cousin of Shaq. He can bring peace in the middle east, save the whales, freeze the polar ice caps with his cold flow, keep Kevin Costner from making movies, bring back Fragglerock, make gatorade the national drink, and get Scrubs to stay on the air a few more seasons. Can John Mccain claim that?? I think not....But alas, every top dog needs a vice president. But who??

Big Worm from Friday.

You wanna get rid of the national debt?? Get this guy to do it! Remember how scared Smokey was when he owed him a little dough?? Just think of what Big Perm, I mean, Big Worm gets ahold of those other nations regarding our national funding. Plus, any guy that rocks a perm and drives a sick lowrider (not to mention the ice cream truck), is a fresh person in my book. So those wacky French are messing stuff up?? The Worm will just walk in, and say "Hey Zarkozy, you're playin' with my emotions", and then whip out the .45--problems solved. And if someone was just a bit much for the Worm (not that it will EVER happen), but..enter Deebo.

Do you really think anyone would wanna test a chubby guy in a perm AND a guy that will knock you out, take your beach cruiser and make you break into a house?? Heck, I would even venture to say we could get rid of the national defense if we had Deebo running things..Fort Knox would be filled with stolen gold chains, watches and pagers.

Shall we take this one step further?? Sure, why not. Presidents fill their cabinet after they get voted in, but in this case, I will make a point for doing it before the votes are tallied.


Surgeon General: Dr. Cox. Suddenly everything that was bad for you, is somehow good. How you like that newbie??









New Supreme Court Chief Justice: Judge Harry Stone from Night Court. Hilarity ensues...

Secretary of Treasury: Kevin Malone. If this guy can keep the Office funds in order and not go bankrupt, he can do wonders for our screwed up economy.

Secretary of Transportation:: Speedy Gonzales. I think enough is said through his name...

Secretary of Education:: Mr. Hand from Fast Times. Everyone would be on time, and not your time, but our time. Education would be top notch.

Secretary of the Interior: Puxatony Phil. I mean, if this groundhog can make a single day repeat itself over and over, he can probably help fix some of the problems with our land management.




So there you have it folks, the 2008 Presidential Cabinet. Sure, there may be some people that I forgot about, or would be better in their respective positions, but this is what I think of at 9am on a Thursday.

On a random note, check out the new Wutang album 8 Chambers. It's a banger. And thanks to Mike, check out Rhyme Pays by Ice-t (more over, the track 409).

Not much else is going on in the world of note. The Timberwolves are looking to a horrible season, as is the Gophers hockey. The Vikings (if they ever make the wise decision and get rid of their bumble-of-a-quarterback) may turn around and become a good team. I mean, I've always hated the Queens for the most part, but Adrian Peterson is one highlight. As I said after week 1, he will be the rookie of the year, and the Vikings should really build a team around him. We saw what happened in Detroit with Barry Sanders when the team refused to adapt to the trophy player on the team, and would up paying for it. The "let the defense win games" is a great idea, but the Vikes need a QB in a bad way. As most peopel feel, Brooks should be given a starting chance. Tavaris is one of the worst quarterbacks since Daunte (funny how they both came here), and Holcomb is struggling. So what does the wise Childress say? "Tavaris is the starter and will remain it". Way to go.....Why didn't we keep Mike Tomlin or get Steve Mariucci?? oh well, its good for the rest of the NFC at least.

Other than that, have a good Thursday and weekend, and watch out for pranks. Some of us are on the prowl.

On Strike

I've decided that along with the Writers Guild of America, I will also be going on a strike from writing things.

So with that in mind, I suppose I will just leave a list of random thoughts.......

I saw a commercial with Chuck Norris yesterday where he walked into a classy diner, and it said "tough, meet classy". It was dope...

Statik Selektah just dropped Spell my name right. It's one of the best albums I've heard in a while. Way better than that Kobe Bryant rap cd..

I sometimes forget how incredibly hot Jennifer Love Hewitt is. I mean, in the realest sense, she has to be one of the dopest ladies alive. I would definitely let her make me cheese fries sometime. And I figure since she's dated some of the lamest fellows around (John Mayer and Carson Daley), she would be down for humor regarding heists, the speeze and Saturns.

I saw snow for the first time this year...and we all know what comes next...

Well, thats it people. Have a spiferific week and a semi-decent Monday.

Oh yeah, the Packers won again and thats a top notch 7-1.

JB


p.s. If you don't know about Banksy, do some lookin'. He is one dope cat when it comes to the street postings.